Suge Knight, Please Sit Down

While the details are still murky regarding the altercation taking place between Marion “Suge” Knight and Akon’s “manager” (a la Yung Berg’s drunken scooter adventure), the result is familiar. Suge Knight stay losing, as they say on the blogs and message boards.

Why is Knight still out there trying to throw hands on niggas in the street? Despite the height of his err, umm–influence being long behind him, Suge still finds the need to patrol the party scene looking for niggas willing to tap on his ass like one of the many MPCs he’s had to sell for gas money.

Sugar Bear’s shit be gettin tapped on like Gregory Hines trying to win his freedom from a bloodthirsty crowd. Niggas didn’t used to just be able to square up on dude and take his Golden Crisp. Once the most universally-feared man in hip-hop is now known to the Soulja Boy generation as, at earliest, the nigga Snoop embarrassed on wax. Most recently Suge’s become known as the former executive that be gettin photographed face-down and all kinds of knocked the fuck out at the hands of roadies and student barbers and shit.

Perhaps there comes a time in a man’s life when he must retire from… whatever it is he’s been doing the past 20 years. Clearly, the goonery well has run drier than is acceptable to operate in today’s proverbial mess hall. If you’re not gonna be the one taking waters, meat portions and cocktail fruits, perhaps it’s time to eat quietly in the corner and stab niggas in the eye on a checking-by-checking basis.

Even Fleece Johnson had to retire from a life of piracy at some point.

In high school, I would have called you a fool to think that in a decade or so you could just slap Suge Knight around, call him all kinds of bitch and what not and he’d just stumble to the floor drunk for the authorities to haul away. How far we’ve come indeed, my people.

After two embarrassing knockout losses, most former contenders hang their WBC title hopes the fuck up. Considering how Death Row just got sold for less points on the package than you’d give a 12 year-old crack runner in a group home, it might be time to start doing Meineke commercials or some shit. I don’t think it’s too soon for the Suge Knight electric fat-reducing grill with interchangable plates, either.

Anything’s better than showing up at another party and getting knocked the fuck out for a generation of kids who don’t know much of the goon you once were.

Questions? Comments? Requests? Need someone to train you for a big rapper fight?

Our crane technique = proper.

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  • giantstepp

    Truely sad times in Hip Hop. Suge is done! He’ll never reclaim his Goonery which is why he was successful in the game anyways. Yeah, he had some business since too. But his success was based mostly of being a bully and a goon. He needs to take that few mill he has stashed on the side and just chill.

    Suge Knight’s image, RIP 1991-2008!

    • mo

      what happened to suge’s reality show that was supposed to air on vh1?

  • Pierzy

    Seriously…the parallels between Suge and Tyson are crazy. Once the most feared man, now he gets beat down by punks. It’s not ’95 anymore, Marion.

  • these posts are racist

    Great writing…hilarious.

    I remember when I was in high school in Death Row’s day…Suge Knight was synonomys with Gangster/Boss. This is unreal. What happened to the guys who he had hold Vanilla Ice outside of a window until he signed a contract. Apparently he was even gangster enough to have the contract voided based on “duress”.

    RIP hip hop.

    • these posts are racist

      …i mean to not have the contract voided…Also, this is the man people claim killed Biggie and/or Tupac?

  • BossGame

    Steady stream of Footwear to that azz lately for ole boy. KARMA IS A BITCH!!!

  • amar

    g unot killa is the suge knight of the interwebs. I heard he once dangled bol from a building until he agreed to write a blog about how the crips punched rihanna the fuck out and then blackmailed chris brown into claiming it was him who did it

  • BossGame

    Caught that History of the World, Greg Hines thang too. LOL!!! Clever!

    • ron mexico

      myyyyyy nigga!

  • BossGame

    Damn! lately this brother keep a steady stream of footwear offn’ his azz! Maybe he need to get a shoe endorsment from payless or something, try to generate a little revenue, to keep the goons at bay.

  • wallpaperdon

    Some funny s**t, don’t know if you seen it already but the dude who kicked Suge’s ass the firstt time actually feels bad 4 the Death Row boss, and he’s offering to be his security! lol!

  • tommy gunz

    damn homie when i was in high school Suge-you was the man homie…

  • louie mo

    “Once the most universally-feared man in hip-hop is now known to the Soulja Boy generation as, at earliest, the nigga Snoop embarrassed on wax. Most recently Suge’s become known as the former executive that be gettin photographed face-down and all kinds of knocked the fuck out at the hands of roadies and student barbers and shit.”
    ———————————————–one word for this ——classic………. keep doin your thing………. NEW BALANCE TALENT 4 LIFE

  • louie mo

    by the way ……… where in the fuck is gunot killa at?????????????

    • tony grand$

      You know your “gangsta” has arrived when rap groups would rather NOT sign to your label. That was Suge.

      I remember back in them days, cats wouldn’t even talk bad about him, like he was the school bus boogeyman.

      Now, this guys is beating women, claiming po’s stole his jewelry, & getting Deebo’d on camera.

      I propose that from this day forward, anyone with accurate knowledge of this man’s legacy refers to him only as Marion. Suge is no more.

      All that’s left are cigar butts & that goddamned red sweat shirt he always wore.

      • amar

        actually i think the sweatshirt may have been auctioned off as a bundle with his underwear at the dr auction. Best 5 bucks ruben studdert ever spent

  • rude baez

    wtf lmao funniest shit ever this blog made my day ron youz sick.

  • Dub Sac

    Hey Mex, do you really think it’s more embarrassing to be knocked out in front of a generation that doesn’t know how feared you once were?

    I think us old schoolers who knew that he had Vanilla Ice dangling off a balcony and that he used to make dudes drink his piss are getting a lot more satisfaction and entertainment out of this.


    suge is gettin old! i respect the fact that he’s so quick to knuckle up, BUT HE’S GOT TO START SHOOTIN THESE YOUNG NIGGAS, CUZ THEY’RE IN THEIR PRIME AS FAR AS THE FIGHT GAME GOES! if both of these niggas mysteriously die, suge will be feared more now than ever!

    not saying that violence is cool, but 2 niggas jumpin a 45 year old man deserve to be shot the fuck up!

    • chitchat

      He aint get jumped. He lost twice shootin fair ones. R.I.P. Suge and hello there “Marion”. hahaha

      • DETROIT

        i thought they said on tv that 2 niggas jumped him…i may be wrong tho.

        either way, once on of these niggas that beat his ass die, niggas will think twice bout steppin to suge.

        john gotti started out as muscle, but he wasn’t trying to beat niggas asses at 50! that’s too much to ask of anyone!

    • http://XXL GSIDE

      See there go that Detroit shit man you can’t be giving away secrets !

  • king blair

    suge is the new yung berg

    • tony grand$

      Back then, I remember thinking Snoop was going to get murdered when he started disrespecting Suge.

      The first time I heard him on record saying “Fuck Suge Knight” I just know it was going to be a wrap.

      Snoop said he was a punk & a bully when he left for No Limit. I figured he was only half right. Silly me.

      So far that’s 3 states he can’t Deebo around in anymore; Cali, Nevada, & AZ. I’m suprised he isn’t on the line up for “Dancimg with the stars” or “The Apprentice”.

      I’d pay to see Donald Trump look him up & down, point @ the door & tell him to get out of his office.

      • capcobra

        MARION…YOU’RE FIRED!!!!…lol.

  • latino heat

    lmao at the post and most of these comments. especially the one about ruben studdard. rest in piss suge.

  • http://xxl GSIDE

    Daaammm Hoime what the fuck happen to you hoime .

  • $ykotic

    “Don’t be mad, UPS is hiring…”

  • foolio_iglesias

    I’m gonna ask you what DJ asked Luda in hustle & flow-’The fuck happened to you mang?’


    suge need to go on celebrity fit club loss some weight so he can hang with the young guys. he got faded for real you know it’s bad when you get knokced out and you gotta go to the hospital.

    • BIGNAT

      knocked my fault

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