Props to Fiddy Cent for taking hip-hop beef to a new level, by doing some charity work with Rick Ross’ baby’s mother, and then letting the world know by making that hilarious video.
Sure, Jay-Z once banged Nas’ baby’s mother in the back seat of his Bentley and then left a rubber on the baby’s car seat, but that wasn’t actually in the context of the two of them beefing. I’m pretty sure he did that beforehand, as part of the Nas stannery that ultimately lead to “The Takeover” and so on and so forth. That was just his way of getting closer to the guy who made his favorite album. (See also: Jay cranking Illmatic backstage on the Hard Knock Life tour, as seen in the movie Backstage.) Then, once the beef kicked off, he was like, ‘Yeah, that’s why I fucked your baby’s mother.”
Which reminds me, I guess there’s also Faith Evans having sex with 2Pac. But 2Pac didn’t have the sense to tape himself having sex with Biggie’s estranged wife. All there was was that picture of her sitting on his lap in the studio, looking high out of her mind. Which was proof enough for me – don’t get me wrong. If Pac couldn’t have talked Faith Evans into having sex with him in order to get revenge for Biggie’s philandering ways, or on the basis of his rock solid abs (nullus), he probably could have waited until she passed out and slipped it in anyway. But imagine how much more devastating it would have been if he’d gotten it on tape, or if he’d paid her enough to admit to it.
Ellliott Wilson-style sidebar: Given the fact that Faith Evans was involved on the production tip, I’m assuming that she isn’t depicted having sex with 2Pac in Notorious. I wouldn’t know, since I haven’t seen it. I know I said I was going to, but then I came to my senses. Plus, I’m lazy like that.
50 Cent doesn’t actually have any footage of him having sex with Rick Ross’ baby’s mother, or at least not any that’s been posted to his social networking site to date. I wouldn’t be surprised if he does, though, since it’s pretty obvious he did post up in Tia’s new lingerie, and since we know he has a history of taping phone conversations. The thing is, I wonder if he actually managed to convince Tia to do it with him on camera, or if he told her that the sex would be necessary, as a condition of her book deal with Fiddy’s vanity publishing imprint, but that he wouldn’t tape it. All she had to do was sit there and not look at all concerned while Fiddy all but explicitly stated to the Internets that he just got done dropping a load on her.
If it’s the latter, I’m sure he taped it anyway. It’s just, it might be difficult for him to do anything with it, legally, or else he might have to pay her even more money than it cost for that fur coat. (But wasn’t she lovely?) I guess there’s always the satisfaction of knowing that you’ve been with the mother of your rival’s child, which I’m sure is deep, regardless of whether or not she’s as good with those lips as I’m thinking she probably is. Or who knows? Maybe he didn’t, out of a genuine respect for her. They do seem to have developed a certain rapport. In fact, I’d even go so far as to say that they make a cute couple, sitting on that couch together.
Rick Ross’ other baby’s mother, meanwhile… Fiddy’s gonna have to get her involved with this, right? I mean, besides just pointing out her picture in a magazine where you can find top notch whores. If he doesn’t, perhaps out of a genuine fear of STDs, I might have to get her to do something strange for some change myself, on GP. Not with me, of course. But, you know, with a homeless guy or something. I can’t imagine it’d cost more than $300 or so. Only thing is, with the economy in the state that it’s in, I might have to take up a collection. But I’ve already got a van we can use.