Remember that time we saw the Inkwell?

Not so quick, Asher Roth. The real Eminem might be back to claim his throne atop White Rap Mountain.

First of all, rather than spend the time it would take to organize my thoughts on a Friday afternoon (I can taste the beer already), I’ll just point out that yesterday, Asher Roth’s publicist emailed me to inform me that Asher Roth is blowing the fuck up.

The label has yet to even cut the check to whomever it is they cut to check to in order to have a song played on the radio and on MTV ad nauseum, and already, his song “I Love College” is becoming one of the best-selling songs on iTunes. People seem to be seeking it out by themselves, as if they actually like it.

I guess the prospect of hearing someone rap over Weezer’s “Say It Ain’t So,” how ever so poorly, was just too tempting. I’ll admit, I couldn’t help but be somewhat amused by it myself, though I’m pretty sure it has more to do with when I was born than anything else. I’m still in love Neve Campbell a good 13 years after the fact, and for all I know, she could look like Nadya Suleman these days, i.e. like a cross between Angelina Jolie, and Javier Bardem in No Country for Old Men.

Imagine what it’s gonna be like once the TIs put the full weight of their promotions apparatus behind Asher Roth. It could be like the early ’00s all over again, except with worse music, natch.

But hold on sec! I was perusing the hip-hop Internets just now, trying to catch up on the lastest between Pimpin’ Curly and Officer Ricky, which I’ve come to realize might not be possible, if I’m ever gonna get any sleep, and I see Eminem has accomplished an arguably even more impressive feat. His song “Crack a Bottle” somehow managed jump from the lower reaches of the Billboard Hot 100 all the way to the very top, selling something like 400,000 copies in the last week.

Seriously? When the fuck did that song become popular? I remember when it hit the Internets, a month or so ago, and people didn’t really seem to give a shit. I thought it was much better than the 50 Cent song that surfaced the same day (as a pure matter of coincidence, I’m sure), but nothing about it suggested to me that it was about to become the fastest selling digital song evar.

I wouldn’t be surprised if shenanigans were involved. T.I. managed a similar feat a few months ago, and so did Flo Rida, earlier last year, so the TIs may have just pulled the same trick with this song as they did with those songs. My guess is that they released “Crack a Bottle” a few weeks ago, but didn’t tell anyone, so it would chart, but it wouldn’t do that well. Then they arranged for the song to be aggressively promoted last week on the front page of iTunes, and wherever else rubes go to pay for shit that’s freely available to anyone who’s capable of using a search engine. And voila! All of a sudden the song climbs 80 some-odd places to number one. They probably had the press release for this shit written up six months ago.

Even an audio recording of a room full of babies dying in a house fire would probably sell 100,000 copies, if it was advertised in all the right places, let alone something carrying the names of the three most popular rappers this decade. Keep in mind, “Crack a Bottle” features Dre and Fiddy, in addition to Em himself. So in that sense, this feat isn’t all that impressive.

That being said, 50 Cent puts out new songs by himself all the time, and hardly anyone seems to give a shit. Does anyone know how many copies of that “I Get It In” bullshit he put out around the same time as “Crack a Bottle” sold? Probably not nearly as many. This might be the last time 50 Cent gets anywhere near the top of Hot 100, unless he does another song with Eminem.

Though to his credit, 50 Cent’s accomplishments in hip-hop beef > [insert any number of things].

  • tommy gunz

    a psychic told me…that khaled’s momma smells like humus

    • Dub Sac

      ZING!

  • Pierzy

    “Even an audio recording of a room full of babies dying in a house fire would probably sell 100,000 copies…”

    I’d rather listen to that than 90% of rappers out today

  • Yayza

    I was also thoroughly confused as to how Crack A Bottle managed to get so popular. Do todays youth even know who Eminem is? Not to say that Eminem has by any means been around for a long while, but at the rate at which things become old (about 5 minutes) I’m surprised Em and Dre still have the starpower to push a single like that. Not to mention the fact that nobody gives a shit about Fitty anymore either. So I call shenanigans on this shit as well.

  • Yayza

    Also, I do find it fucking hilarious that 400,000 is considered record breaking considering the fact that there must be hundreds of millions of people with the capabilities to purchase said music.

    • squadwildin

      yea but, Yayza, who buys single records anymore? 400,000 means you got a serious fan base; for some one to support something they can get for free.

      and eminem, dre, and 50 cent will go down in rap history, so its hard to be oblivious to who they are if you know anything about rap.

      but i-tunes keeps a strict record of who’s buying and what not. So for them to organize 400,000 buys from 400,000 DIFFERENT I-TUNE accounts is a miraculous feat in itself. kudos to the niggas that can pull that off.

  • Avenger XL

    I told you Asher Roth will probably do ok. He may even win a grammy. He has the perfect machine going, he is the guy working the same college circuit that keep stoner bands floating. Throw in the hipster and suburban white girl base and he is a problem. But the real thing that will get him the grammy is when he drops the song that will appeal to the tweens and he can go to the teen choice awards and get that Hannah Montanna bread. So the TI’s are going to have to come up with something besides playing his party anthems. They are going to position him for greatness now the question is can the Hip-hop version of PINK deliver.

    • squadwildin

      He may be talented but I just cant vibe wit this dude. I heard the mix tape and I wasnt impressed, at all. I think his problem is he picks horrible beats, or good beats that dont fit him. That’s a serious problem. The lyrics can be there which is cool, but rap is still a form of music..EMPHASIS ON THE MUSIC. if the beats is whack, i can’t listen to it. He might as well do poetry or some shit.

      he has to work on his ear for music before i pay him any mind. Picking out the right beats is critical. Something you cant overlook.

      Say what you want about southern artists but most of them have that ear for beats and melodies; you can accredit that to the deep, southern roots of jazz and blues and shit.

  • eddiesixes

    “Even an audio recording of a room full of babies dying in a house fire would probably sell 100,000 copies”

    this is the reason why people in my office are staring at me right now as i laugh out loud. thank you good sir.

  • geico lizard

    It was some interscope skullduggery at its finest to get that single so high. 50 would never call out eminem for dropping a single the same day as him but that reminded me of jay z dropping singles the same time as his artist kanye.

  • geico lizard

    “I’m still in love Neve Campbell a good 13 years after the fact, and for all I know, she could look like Nadya Suleman these days, i.e. like a cross between Angelina Jolie, and Javier Bardem in No Country for Old Men.” i thought Nadya looked like a decent angelina jolie impersonator in her late 40′s until i saw that picture of her 9 months pregnant. Damn she looked like she was carrying those kids for 2 years and ready to pop.

  • $ykotic

    I can see this Asher dude opening up for The Jonas Bros.

    I can also see Em throwing darts at shorty.

    Anyone ever heard the saying “fudge the numbers”?

  • sealsaa

    The day i’ve been waiting for. When 50 Cent’s music becomes irrelevant, and he needs to piggy back off of Eminem and Dre in order to sell LESS than half a million anything. Ironic how 50′s verse was LESS than medocre, and Dre’s the only one on the track that doesn’t write his own shit.

    • BIG BAWLS

      JA, IS THAT YOU?

      • Chaka

        I guess its fat Joe…

  • http://www.rizzleworld.blogspot.com allnice

    This Asher Roth kid trying to be the rapping Ferris Bueller or that Van Wilder kid and I feel his marketing but he’s quite obviously garbage. He never gonna keep it street whereas Em will and that is why he never gonna do Em numbers, but he will carve out his lil niche, a very small niche. He better hope he don’t get called out or have to battle somebody nice.

  • capcobra

    nobody in the hood is waiting on em or asher roth…plus it’ll never be 2 white rappers on top at the same time…NEVER…do the research and let me know…i think xxl picked a wack top 10 freshmen n now y’all stuck trying to promote ‘em…if y’all pick 5 next time then niguz would work harder to be on that cover…cause 7 out of 10 is definitely not gon make it.

  • Hip Hop since 77

    Dude is garbage! Somebody please tell me when it became cool to steal someone elses style? Aster Roth=Eminem,B.O.B.=Andre 3000,and the auto-tune movement=every rapper since T Pain came out.

  • me

    wow all you girls are jealous! that’s funny!

  • http://shazisrad.blogspot.com superxshaz

    disregard the hour of this comment, insomnia has definitely run rampant on me.

    so I guess I’m the only one that thinks Asher’s ‘The Greenhouse Effect’ is pretty decent?

    *prepares to dodge chairs and tables*