N.O.R.E. vs. Perez Hilton & Fatburger: On The Blogs Eatin’

As March approaches, some of hip-hop’s marquee players are making bids for The Big Dance.

My twitter buddy/top-ten favorite rap entertainer, The Real Noreaga, is having a MacGruber-like week. Mr. 57th Ave is finding new and amazing ways to lower his approval ratings.

[Blogger’s Note: He owe me a hunnid favors.]

Of all the down-to-earth and comically-inclined entities in music, N.O.R.E. is among the last I’d ever expect to sour his jugo de tamarindo over a half-hearted jab by any blogger, let alone Perez Hilton.

Being a blogger himself, I expect better.

For starters, it’s Perez fucking Hilton. If you’re in the news for any reason, he’s going to call you a douchebag or some shit. Considering that there wasn’t a penis or jizz trail drawn on El Pollo Loco’s face, I’d say he got off pretty easy. This is Negro Please. If you say or do some dumb shit, we’re gonna have to put it on the evidence table in the court of public opinion. This is what we do. Enduring reaction from the masses is the cost of being a public figure who may or may not have tossed a cosmopolitan into the face of an overanxious fan.

Speaking of which, how the fuck do you not know if you tossed a drink into someone’s face? Niggas [on the run eating] love to not know shit. For some strange reason, the nigga can readily recall every other important detail of the Fatburger incident. Yet, the most important one is surprisingly murky.

Way to insult our collective intelligence. That Jedi mind trick shit might work on the weed carriers. We’re a little too heavenly and divine for that shit round hurr.

[Blogger’s Note: It’s story time, children.]

I once, completely smacked out of my mind (no Trainspotting/Requiem For A Dream), told a homely young lady at a house party to stop tugging at my belt buckle while I was fading in and out of consciousness on my homeboy’s couch. I also remember peeling off a combination of diabolical hate that sent her to the bathroom all kinds of mortified. While I regret not being sober enough to handle that situation more responsibly—or remember what exactly I said—I absolutely remember doing that shit.

[Blogger’s Note: By “smacked out” I mean leaned the fuck out from an Asher Rothian night of underage drinking and gravity bong rips out of a bathtub with a 3-liter challis.]

The crime scene being Fatburger at 4am on a Sunday is likely fair indication that the N-O-R too was “smacked out.” Clearly he wasn’t blented enough to forget everything else about the evening. I bet he could tell us about the blowjob in the car, excuse me—“hed” in the whip–en route to the hotel.

The problem here lies in that, for a man who hates fame, N.O.R.E.—not unlike Xzibit–is making his shit public when it doesn’t need to be. This is far from thorough behavior.

Keeping consistent with advice given to many other rapsters and such, we at Negro Please suggest that when you’re mentioned in the media, especially fuckery of the Perez Hilton variety, here’s what you wanna do… nigga:

Nothin’.

We all make mistakes from time to time. Case in point, I didn’t always escape the house party with dry nuts. With that said, our miscues tend to disappear quicker when we don’t draw attention to them, ya figgadeel me?

Maybe homeboy’s trying to eat yet again with the dust being kicked up. In which case, this ain’t the way. In fact, I explain as much in my last single, “Rapsters, This Ain’t The Way.”

Questions? Comments? Requests? Nothin’? Okay. ron@ronmexicocity.com

P.S.: Just checked N.O.R.E.’s twitter. Looks like this shit isn’t anywhere near over. Nice. If it actually gets interesting, we may be back with The [Catastrophic] War[fare] Report.

  • geico lizard

    Fatburger needs to release that videotape on some ol “worlds dumbest criminals” type shit. When that homeless guy slaps him with a lawsuit he will remember what happened.

  • Pierzy

    C’mon Mexx…I don’t know how you can talk about a dude with such timeless lyrics such as:

    “They call me fat boy/You see, my gun kinda fat, boy/I tried to lose weight, I like being fat, boy”

    and

    “Put the bogey out in your face/Now your face laced like ash tray face”

    What a poet.

    • chitchat

      Word, who could forget such classic lines as:

      “All our whips got navigation
      While ya whips is just garb-ation(?)”

      N.O.R.E.=W.O.A.T.

      • http://www.ronmexicocity.com ron mexico

        run laps around the english channel/ neptunes, i got a cocker spaniel.

    • http://www.ronmexicocity.com Ron Mexico

      i love the bogey line!

      CNN for life!

  • Machinko

    Dear Lord,

    pleeeeeease let this comments section become a compilation of Nore’s worst/ funniest rhymes. Amen.

    • geico lizard

      ^
      “Yo, TV’s in the headrest, Sega entertainment
      Pushed the Lex Land on the way to my arraignment”
      thugs paradise nore

  • c. gabi

    “ay yo we light a candle/ run laps around the english channel/ neptunes got a cocker spaniel”

    brilliant.

    • http://www.ronmexicocity.com Ron Mexico

      i didn’t see yours first. sorry.

      amen, and thank you.

  • http://www.ronmexicocity.com Ron Mexico

    “hennessy straight… with tomato juice.”

  • geico lizard

    “Yo, papi and I’m banned from the Roxy
    Mad shootout’s and more fights than Rocky”
    t.o.n.y. nore

  • geico lizard

    “Listen to superthug, listen to sometimes
    Listen to halfbaked, and listen when thugs rhyme”
    Da hustla-
    “Yo hit Lousiana, then Atlanta, Indiana
    Forget a city slicker got country grammar”
    super thug-
    “We write our own rhymes kid you can check the credits
    me and Nature stay f**kin with grimlettes
    yo the hood baddest the bitches pussy is the fattest
    Smack Smack Smack Smack peep Gladys”
    Oh no-
    (it would be good to get a long comments section going like nahright with nothing but nore lyrics like machinko said)

  • latino heat

    can’t think of any bad lyric’s right now, but what about the Wet Wille and Animal Thug skits? those were good for a laugh. “WET WILLIE’S IS REAL!”

    • http://www.ronmexicocity.com Ron Mexico

      gul like beeg deek!

  • BIGNAT

    “I didn’t always escape the house party with dry nuts” LMAO oh man ron ron you had me dying with that one. i can’t remember any nore rhymes

    • http://tonygrands.blogspot.com tony grand$

      “Jose Luis gotcha,
      Holdin guns in tons,
      Gen-er-al,
      Eman-ual,
      Rock emer-al,”

      Wtf?

      “Yo,
      Niggas try to shit on me,
      & make history,
      Supposablee,
      I was the man that was supposed to be,
      The head of the click,
      Lips sealed-no niggas snitch,
      Mega Die, I smoke bogie,
      Sword like shinobi,
      Shoot up ya block to make you know me…..”

      Again I say, Wtf?

  • latino heat

    just thought of something else. did anybody see the What Up To The Hood dvd he put out? nore had mariah carey in the studio sippin alcohol out of a plastic cup. he gets serious props for that one.

  • latino heat

    thought of one more thing. when freddie foxxx said, “I’m sick and tired of nore and his what, what, what. rite some rhymes nigga or give the shit up, up, up.” now that was ether.

  • Shawty J

    I never really listened to N.O.R.E so I can’t comment if he’s the W.O.A.T., but based off this random lyric I pulled up (If all dogs go to Heaven, yo, and if thats so/Let’s shoot, dawg, them all, yo let’s see if we go) I can understand why some would think he is.

  • louie mo

    Maybe homeboy’s trying to eat yet again with the dust being kicked up. In which case, this ain’t the way. In fact, I explain as much in my last single, “Rapsters, This Ain’t The Way.”

    - now that is the way you end a blog with boondocks reference……. “that’s so gangsta”- riley