BLOG: Lil’ Wayne & Miss Katie’s Totally Awesome First Date!
Before we discuss Lil’ Wayne’s most awesome interview with Katie Couric, I must preface today’s entry with the following:
“I’m a gangsta, XXL readers. And I do what I want.”
Damn, it feels good to be a gangsta. Perhaps this should be the permanent disclaimer.
“I believe that music is an udder form of news. Music is an udder form of journalism to me so I’ve got to cover all the areas in my album.”
[Blogger’s Note: You should already know music comes from cows.]
While I don’t criticize those who use the term journalism in the loosest of all possible definitions to define their own work, “Miss Katie” might have a problem looking at Tha Carter 3 as much more than an off issue of “High Times” or “Sizzurp Monthly.”
She might have even said something about the comment if she weren’t so enthralled with Wayne’s fancy gutterballs. That interview and segment looks more like a first date gone horribly right! From the hand-holding to the ass-sizzle, Katie seems pretty impressed with rap’s favorite hobgoblin.
Mi Pana on Twitter cracked me up last night by calling Weezy a “Morgan Freeman-ass nigga” while suggesting that the interview should have been called “Drivin’ Miss Katie.” With quotes like “I work very, very hard, Miss Katie… I love to work,” I can’t exactly disagree with that sentiment.
The real Negro Pleasings come in Miss Katie’s enthusiastic line of drug questioning. After showing the world that Wayne has one tour bus for weed and another for weed naps, homegirl goes as hard a Brooklyn, except with a schoolgirl’s giggle.
When asked about his affinity for the lean, Wayne responds:
“It’s to take when you have a very, very bad cough or flu or something like that. That’s all… It’s bad because it messes up your stomach. Your stomach will hurt real, real, bad. Excruciating pain, but I got through it… I’m not addicted to it.”
The second ellipsis indicates the point in his response where Weeziana had to stop rambling and answer the question at hand. Couric asks if he’s addicted to lean, not if he recommends the shit over TheraFlu for severe cold symptoms. Nor did she ask about the side effects. We know those pretty well: stomach ache, unprotected sex and SRDS (Sudden Rapper Death Syndrome). His vague answer comes only about a month or so after he vlogged about quitting lean altogether.
Right. This nigga quit lean like Snoop Dogg quit green.
When asked about his love of the devil’s lettuce, Young Carter is far less bashful:
“I will stand up for marijuana any day!”
However, when asked if he partakes often, he gives another junkie answer:
“Medicinal now… I have migraines, right—”
At this point, Couric’s face gives Weezy his “Negro Please” so I don’t have to.
[Blogger’s Note: Of course, I will anyway.]
Riiiiight. My uncle baby mama, Cookie… She takes shit for her migraines too. In addition to “migraines,” she suffers from symptoms of severe vaginal beatdown due to violent penile intake and excessive infant delivery. Fortunately, the rock cocaine helps with that pain too.
She’s an awesome example for her 12 children. When Wayne’s questioned about being the best role model he could be for his own—and all of America’s—he delivers the best response ever documented.
“I’m not an example for people how to live their lives and never in my life would I ever set out to be an example for people how to live their lives. If you need an example for how to live, then you just shouldn’t have been born. Straight up. And I am a great role model because I’m only a role model for two and that’s all. So why don’t you worry about you and let them worry about theirs? I’ve got mine.”
This shit’s incredible and actually makes a world of sense… up until “And I’m a great role model because…”
Damn. Caught in the lean trap again. You can’t say anyone who needs a role model shouldn’t have been born then immediately suggest that you’re a role model for the two chillens you done borneded. That’s a contradiction of the “too much weed and syrup” variety.
I think Miss Katie’s only asking the tough questions you stumble over because she cares, Weezy. She wants you to stay alive so that you and your custom balls can beat the brakes off of her gutter until she can’t “Hillary Rodham” anymore.
Questions? Comments? Requests? Do you also want to see Wayne anchor the evening news for real one of these nights? firstname.lastname@example.org
P.S.: Considering the short-term memory loss due to weed and syrup, this shit probably felt more like 50 First Dates.
P.P.S.: All jokes aside, I can’t wait to see “Tie My Hands” with White Chocolate live at the Grammys. I expect that to be some shit.