Rihanna is so important to our culture … to pop music... I feel like she is the most important artist in music and has the most potential. Her taste level and her age … she has the potential to be the greatest artist of all time.” Kanye West, “On-Air with Ryan Seacrest”

Save the umbrella. Save the world.

I’m just as sorry as anyone to hear that Rihanna caught a beatdown from Chris Brown for any reason. However, to call her the most important artist in music and to say that she’s following a trajectory to be the greatest artist of all time indicates that a certain college dropout’s fro-luster product may not have been FDA-approved.

Either Kanye's been fuckin with the sheen can from the back of the Korean store or homeboy didn't take his pills the other morning. Y'all know how Martin Louis the King, jr. gets when he ain't had his medicine.

Young Buck couldn’t be more confroosed than I right now. Here I’ve been assuming all the while that Kanye thought Kanye was the most important artist in all of music. How were any of us to know he’d long since placed all his eggs in the bun-and-cheese basket of a non-producing, non-writing songbird out of the Caribbean's Beyonce-shaped sugar cookie cutter?

[Blogger's Note: I did not come here to be a sugar cookie getter.]

Somewhere Mariah Carey's in a dark room doing a massive line of the uncut off of Nick Cannon’s vice-clenched scrotum.

I thought overstatement of this magnitude was generally reserved for posthumous releases. Kanye re-writes the rules wherever he goes. Usually one would have to die during or before their prime to get a nod like that. Now, all it takes is getting slapped around by a lesser artist.

Note taken.

Shit. I’m gonna get my little sister a microphone and Pro-Tools for her birthday. Then I’m gonna become her manager and convince her to stand in front of Gucci Mane next time he’s playing a local community center or some shit. She can be the female Tupac, except with all the benefits of still being around and shit.

Didn’t Kanye go on record saying Beyonce is our Tina Turner? Where does this leave Rihanna in his twisted little celebrity ranker? Is she supposed to be Mahalia Jackson? Perhaps homegirl from The Sound of Music? I don’t know what to believe at this point.

I’m also more interested in where this leaves Kanye in his own personal scope of the entertainment hierarchy. Notice that shag-hawk aside, he didn’t make a scene at the Grammy Awards this year. Maybe he’s resolved himself to his throne atop music’s Mount Olympus. Mr. West is Plug-in Jesus. The rest of these mere mortal sangers, rapsters and so-called musicians that need his shaghawk-accented awesomeness can call themselves “artists.”

--Of which Rihanna is clearly the greatest. Please excuse me while I rethink my entire musical life.

Negro, please.

Addendum: This is not how you go for the rebound, cuz. Let it cool off/heal/whatever have you.