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Kanye West Defends Chris Brown

Ah, friends. How many of us have them?

“Can’t we give Chris [Brown] a break? … I know I make mistakes in life.”Kanye West, VH1’s Storytellers

Define “break.” Better yet, define “mistake.”

What the fuck kind of mistakes is Kanye used to making that are comparable to what Hurricane Chris Breezy is accused of? Spilling Hi-C on your cream-based Bathing Ape is a mistake. Falling asleep with Doublemint in your mouth to find it in your girlfriend’s hair in the morning is a mistake. Accidentally leaving the Auto-Tune plug-in turned on for all of your album’s vocal tracks is a mistake. Beating the fuck out of someone beyond the point of recognition is a conscientious decision.

Provided that’s what Buster Brown did, of course.

Brown shouldn’t be tried, convicted and flogged about the nuts in the court of public opinion without due process, but he shouldn’t be vindicated either. Only Chris and Rihanna know exactly what happened Grammy day. Reserving judgment until all details are revealed is prudent behavior for any observer, let alone those in the public eye. However, when I hear niggas like Terrence Howard-Mayne and Kanye West pleading for leniency on The Hurricane’s behalf, I see the other side of the spectrum at work. I also observe the megalomania necessary to draw a hand back and go full-Dolemite on a young lady.

You know, a little “Love Lockdown.”

After this, I wouldn’t be surprised if—just as Terrence Coward’s been outed—Kanye’s name appears on the [Smack-A-]Bitchell Report for using advanced relationship enhancing tactics. Either that, or he’s the one accustomed to getting slapped around.

Maybe I’m watching a little too much Lifetime Movie Network these days, but we’ve all seen the leaked picture. She doesn’t look like Rihanna anymore. She looks like one of my uncle’s goats back on the farm in Jamaica… right before we’d curry the fuck out of him.

Ay, que cabron!

Contrary to what you may gather from the frequency of Kanye West appearances on our program, I don’t hate the man. This shit is always business and never personal. Martin Louis the King, jr. may think the sun rises and sets in his shawk*, but the man needs counseling for the unfiltered, intellectually masturbatory stream of consciousness that flows so freely from his mouth.

If Kanye’s misguided support for Chris Brown isn’t the meander that finally floods the coastline of his career causing irreparable damage, we’re not far from rafting it.

Questions? Comments? Requests? Need a break?

* – Shawk = Shag + Mohawk

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