If I were a girl (nullus)

You know that mental excercise from high school, where you picture the girl you’d most like to bang, and then you picture her taking a shit? Well, here’s a slight variation on that exercise.

(Don’t worry, southern rap fans. You’re not gonna have to think that hard.)

Imagine the girl you’d most like to have sex with. Maybe it’s some girl at your job with long, flowing hair and especially nice cans, or whatever it is you might be into. I’m not here to judge.

Now, what if you heard through the grapevine that she was interested in getting with you? But! You also heard that she’s been known to beat up on guys she’s in a relationship with. Would you still go for it?

Keep in mind, I’m not just talking about some skank at your job that’s been sweating you, whose real goal is probably to get you to take her kids out to eat at McDonalds several nights a week, and yeah, you probably also get to hit it, but it’s hardly worth a shit anyway. No, we’re talking about a broad who’s got her shit together, i.e. the kind who wouldn’t want anything to do with you otherwise.

Also, keep in mind that I’m sure any guy who’s not secretly teh ghey would be willing to put up with a certain degree of abuse to get with a woman, once. It’s not like we don’t put up with all sorts of shit already. What’s worse, pretending you like Lil’ Wayne to get some stank, or getting punched in the face to get some stank. Your face will eventually heal. Your pride? Not so much.

The question is: would you be willing to deal with such a women on a long term basis? As easy as it is to mock the millions of women who I’m sure would still be willing to get with Chris Brown (ladies, don’t even), even though it’s been rumored that he hit her hard enough that she almost lost her eye, and that’s why we haven’t seen her, I can’t say for certain that I wouldn’t.

The thing is, we don’t what was said in that Lamborghini to set Chris Brown off. Now, I don’t mean to suggest that whatever happened to Rihanna was her fault. I’m just saying. As a man, I try to live my life with a certain degree of what George W. Bush would call strategery. And I can’t help but wonder – if I was in a relationship with someone who’s known to flip the fuck out, what’s the likelihood, really, that I would suffer the worst of that person’s wrath?

Think about it. When’s the last time you went into a place of business and saw a black man over the age of 17 working in a menial, service oriented position? And obviously it’s not because there’s any shortage of brothers who could use a job. No, it’s because cracka-ass crackas stay getting out of pocket. If I could last as long as I have working in the service industry, I’m pretty could survive an abusive relationship. At the risk of sounding like every battered woman evar, I’m pretty sure I could change my dream woman in this scenario.

Even if I didn’t, you wouldn’t see me on the Internets whining about how I got beat up and pretending as if there’s some epidemic of domestic violence against men that’s being covered up by the media. Part of it’s that I wouldn’t want anyone to know that I got beat up by a woman, but part of it’s that I wouldn’t feel right complaining, after knowing good and well what I was getting myself into.

Again, that shouldn’t be read as me suggesting Rihanna got what she had coming to her. (We don’t even know for a fact that she got beat up.) I’m sure this post will be read as me mocking female victims of domestic violence, but that hasn’t been my aim here. Instead, I’m suggesting that we should empathize with these women. Yeah, nothing like that would ever happen to you. But you can see how it might happen to them, right? What’s it gonna take for these bitches to realize how sensitive I am?

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  • Pierzy

    “(Don’t worry, southern rap fans. You’re not gonna have to think that hard.)”

    HAHAHAHAHA…well done, sir.

    • Szasure

      You might need to go back and listen to outkast albums I’m a proud southern blackmale who has a B.A. in Marketing and I know a lot of lyricists in the south. don’t be mad because we selling records!

      • Pierzy

        As a proud northeastern white male with an MBA, I can tell you that it’s just jokes. Have a sense of humor.

        • squadwildin

          Pierzy you white? oh shit…never would have guessed it

      • The Spaniard


  • geico lizard

    Women are choosing these guys. They pass the good men who wouldnt hit them because they call those guys lames or pussies. When women stop choosing bad boys they will stop getting treated that way.

    The only time women go on vlogs and tv shows crying about men abusing them is once the relationship is over or he is jail. They tough it out as long as they still have the man. All men dont beat women but Oprah and the lifetime network are all angry lesbian run so they want most men to look like women beaters who have STD’s.

    • squadwildin

      yea i can agree wit geico lizard. I know bitches that like to get handled. most of them are sluts with issues and shit though.

    • http://www.myspace.com/emcdlthemusicprofile EmCDL

      Co sign on that–I got first hand experience on that too

      This chick I’m friends with tells me the same thing…she tells me that if I wasn’t such a nice guy (which is hard to believe considering how sarcastic I am and have such a foul mouth lol), then she would “get up” with me. Bitch please! lol

    • BIGNAT

      i hear you on that homie it’s funny when them crazy chicks get older. then they try to get a nice guy but it’s like bitch who wants you anymore. you already got your ass beat like a pinata. fucked with the worse of dudes so now you got niggas who think they own you. the reason whenever they wanna get some from you she will say she hate him but she will fuck the dude. hahaha sad cycle of pity and when they finally get the nice guy they most likely will cheat on him. with a worthless sack of shit. then she gets mad and won’t understand why the nice guy wants to leave her.

  • Bobo D

    Lets hope Sonic’s number 1 fan reads this (aka Charles Hamilton).The guys skinny jeans must be cutting his blood circulation because his delusional of Rihanna.
    Theres this interview on the web where he cant believe Chris Brown put his hands on her, how his ready to step up for her, and he even goes as far calling Rihanna his girl?

    I mean I have dreams about having sex with a bunch of Japanese girls (don’t you judge me!), but I dont go embarasing my self in public about it.

    • geico lizard

      CH is acting like a sucka. If rihanna wants to date him she will make it known. Even adult prostitutes choose their pimps. Women always have an option to date a guy or not.

  • chitchat

    “What’s it gonna take for these bitches to realize how sensitive I am?”

    LMAO! This post was all over the place. But in any event, not to sound naive or anything but who would’ve guessed Chris Brown was a “eat the cake” type dude? I doubt Rihanna saw that coming

  • tommy gunz

    i know from first hand experience that *certain* women will push a man and push him almost begging to get hit…some women–mostly from “broken” homes–were raised to question their men, and by question i mean: nag, provoke, dare….so i may be biased but i have this gut feelin riri is one of those bitches that would only get w/ a guy that might just be willing to punch the shit out of here…anything else would be too pussified for her..

  • tommy gunz

    i know from first hand experience that *certain* women will push a man and push him almost begging to get hit…some women–mostly from “broken” homes–were raised to question their men, and by question i mean: nag, provoke, dare….so i may be biased but i have this gut feelin riri is one of those bitches that would only get w/ a guy that might just be willing to punch the shit out of her…anything else would be too pussified

  • http://www.rizzleworld.blogspot.com allnice

    The problem is not that Chris Brown slapped the shit outta Rihanna or whether or not he whupped her ass. The problem is that he is not gully enough to do something like that. Look at Kobes. He raped some stupid white bitch and got away with it. He still scoring 81 winning MVPs and shit like nothing ever happened. OJ murdered a bitch and got off. And even Puffy smoked some nigga in the club and it was all good.

    I am pretty sure, and I don’t mean to be funny, that if I slapped the fuck outta a bitch I wouldn’t get into any trouble at all because seriously, who wants to be on the opposite side of my calculated actions? Chris Brown is frail, emotional, he slapped that bitch because he has feelings. Me? I would slap the fuck outta a bitch like Rihanna only if I know that I will get away with it and there is nothing she can do to retaliate, and even she retaliates she is gonna fuck her own shit up. That is why Chris Brown is dumb for slapping her because why get emotional over dumb ass Rihanna, especially when she can destroy your career and got Jay-Z fag ass willing to fuck your shit up? There are other flyer bitches out here and none of them are even worthy of my non emotional back hand or shoe in their ass.

    You have to be emotional to hit a woman or put your hands on a woman in a threatening manner because woman are so easy to fuck up that they are harmless. If you really wanted to, you could fuck up a bunch of women and get away with it if you calculated your actions but why do through the trouble for some silly bitch when you could be having fun?

    I don’t think any woman deserves to get her ass kicked. I just think they take it for granted how dangerous their life really is. The reality is that men are ultra smarter, creative, ruthless, and physically stronger than women. The only reason women survive is because they look good and got a pussy. They can pimp emotional men like Chris and get away with it. If there were less emotional niggaz on this Earth, would most of these women even survive?

    • og bobby j

      if not for that patch of pink between their legs…they’d have no purpose. They’d be hanging on our walls like deer heads….

      • Avenger XL

        spoken like men who get with low rent hoo-ers and project throw aways. Find some real women that aren’t on that dumb shit and your statements are null and void. Unless you have some repressed thing against broads and that is not my concern. Both men and women have jobs and to quote James “whoop that trick” Brown. This is a Man’s world but it would be nothing without a woman or a girl.

  • JB

    Southern Rap Fans=Giants
    What a lame statement!!!

  • amar

    bol it’s not a question of is rihanna a saint and chris brown beat the bitch for no reason

    obviously she fucked up in the worst way to get chris brown that mad. The question should be, even if a gf does the worst thing in the world to u, is it still right to hit her? or is that being a savage? I don’t think it’s right…there’s always another way of getting back.

    Now i actually do believe thse reports though that he hit her before. In this case then, i think breezy’s just fucked the fuck up and it was only a matter of time before he really fucked up.

    • http://tonygrands.blogspot.com tony grand$

      I get you, Bol. I understand all too well that women don’t choose mates like men do. Women usually allow their heart (feelings) to navigate their love life.

      They often have an idea of how a man will treat them, yet some ignore any tell-tale signs of forbodding problems or impending doom. If & when the hammer drops, subconciously they knew it was coming. I’ve never dealt with a woman who didn’t have a clue of the jerk I could be if allowed to.

      Half of the girls I’ve ever dealt with, IMO, were dumb to stick around for so long. I changed a lot when I met my wife, but even she endured quite a bit in the beginning.

      Men look for assets & qualities, women look for companionship & love. If their standards just so happen to intermingle with a little “domestication”, they just suffer through it with hopes of a brighter day. Or, get fed up & call the ones, which is a hassle nobody wants.

      I guess it could be loosely catergorized as “their fault”, but that sounds too much like a scapegoat for men who obviously missed out on a few hugs as children.

  • sealsaa

    I don’t believe that she’s telling the whole story. I think that the violence was (and has been) mutual. She’s trying to make the guy out to be Ike Turner in an effort to destroy his career. I don’t see him going upside her head and destroying his career over her saying something to set him off. And if he’s got a temper like that, how come we haven’t heard of any other incidents? Where are her bruises? I’m willing to bet that the story about him recieving that text message was true, and she flew off the handle and tried to take his phone away from him, and put hands on him in the process. I’ve known women that have a tendancy to put their hands on a man that they believe won’t strike back in retalliation, and that sounds like the case here.

  • Jhon da Analyst

    My daughter’s mother is a crazy bitch, but I didn’t have her fill out a psychological questionaire. Bottom line is that some women will put their hands on a man (thanks Sealsaa), but if a bitch thinks she’s tough like that, she deserves to get fucked up. Period.

    • http://tonygrands.blogspot.com tony grand$

      Cosign Jhon.

      You get what you paid for.

  • sealsaa

    Just read that she rejected the apology that he made this weekend. Why you ask? In short, she didn’t feel that he kissed her ass sufficiently. She’s going to milk this situation for all it’s worth, that much is clear. Her story sounds suspect, and I wouldn’t put it past a woman to lie on a man in the heat of anger, especially if she can see him get locked up over it. I’m a member of the same Crazy Bitch baby mother club as Jhon da Analyst, and my son’s mother accused me of all kinds of fuckery when I took her to court for custody of our son. On top of that, the women in her family act snotty towards me every chance they get. I find it strange that she hasn’t released any photos of her injuries, especially considering what a maniacal woman beater she’s claiming Brown is. That’d be the nail in his coffin, assuming she’s telling the truth…

    • http://tonygrands.blogspot.com tony grand$

      My I pledge my membership as well. I’ve had child services in my crib, my son & wife interviewed my police, my name removed from school paperwork, crazy allegations, & for what? My daughter lives with me, even though she tried her hardest to turn her against me.

      They lie, accuse, make up stories, all because they know “the man” will believe them over a man.

      Crazy baby mom’s got the upper hand because they know how to hurt you (the kid(s)), & push buttons for no good reason. Fuck my BM.

      I hope y’all cats save you’re emails & text msgs from them psycho bitches. They’re almost as valuable as receipts.

  • sealsaa

    Preach toney.

    This crazy bitch stalked my wife on Myspace, and refused to allow me to take my son to my home, claiming that my wife made subliminal threats towards her on her Myspace page. When I took her to court, she tried to seek $12,000 in back child support from me, claiming that I “wasn’t paying her enough” for the past 3 years of our son’s life, even though she agreed to the amount. Come to find out that she was married during her pregnancy, and the only reason she worked child support out with me outside of court is because her husband didn’t know she had a baby (they lived apart), and she didn’t want to have to pay him alimony in the divorce settlement for her obvious infidelity.

    • http://tonygrands.blogspot.com tony grand$

      My baby moms loves to find any reason to interact with my wife, then turns everything around to try & escalate things, like my wife is going to join sides with her. This silly bitch dropped my daughter off @ 1030 pm, in our driveway, told me lil girl “I’m never coming to get you” & drove away. Tf?

      Cold twist, she got my mom in the mix, & @ one time my mom wouldn’t even let me see my own seeds. Lie, accuse, all for the sake of tormenting a dude behind him trying to be a decent cat, regardless of their retarded behavior. if I was any less of a man, I wouldve let my wife off the leash so severe by now, that silly female wouldn’t have any idea why she’s in a wheelchair. All I have to do is drop the flag. But, my pops taught me better.

  • sealsaa

    Mine used to brag about how close my son and her boyfriend are, and that he calls him dad by mistake sometimes, and claims that its my fault for not seeing him enough. (Mind you that we live in different states, and she won’t let me take him anywhere because of her animosity towards my wife).

    She also claimed in court that i’ve never bought him anything. Luckily on the advice of my mother, I kept nearly every receipt for every major purchase that i’ve made for him for the past 3 years. When I presented them as evidence, she claimed that she never recieved the items, and accused me of giving the stuff to my younger son instead. She’s got a quick answer for everything.

  • sealsaa

    Oh, and she also accused me of hiding my address from her, but I sent my son gifts from Amazon.com, and the invoices showed that she recieved the same invoice with her packages, and that they included the name and address of the sender on them. Women, I swear…

  • http://xxlmag.com Cal

    DAMN!!! This turned out to be a BabyDaddies anonymous comments section. I dont know any man who hasn’t been forewarned by their elder males in the past about the psychotic behavior of females!

    • http://tonygrands.blogspot.com tony grand$

      “Animosity towards my wife”

      I could write a fucking book called that. Funny how you’re mad because you didn’t get picked. Never is it a case of “wow, that’s another man who didn’t take me serious. I wonder what I’m doing wrong”. It’s just me being a fucked up nigga. Uh, my wife doesn’t think so.

      & that “he’s in our life now” schtick is bogus. Good for you, bad for him, & one day, he’ll see the same retard that I saw, if he hasn’t already. In all honesty, if she won’t allow me to be there, no matter how hard I try, I’m halfway glad that God provides some type of male figure to guide him, granted dude’s not as dumb as she is.

      @ Cal,
      True, but either we didn’t listen correctly, or we assumed it was the right thing to do. The elders can’t tell us how to live, just give us their rendition of good advice. Now, we’re the elders, & hopefully this comment section will fair more well than any “trust no bitch” lecture from a drunk uncle.

  • sealsaa

    @ Cal

    Look at it this way, at least we’re venting our frustrations here, rather than going upside their chicken head’s (no Chris Brown).

    @ tony

    Story of my life. Sounds like you’re in the advanced stages of baby mama drama. My son’s only 3. I’ve got a long way to go, and I wouldn’t put it past this mental case to call DCS on me for nothing more than her own satisfaction. And the sad thing is that she’s 6 years older than me, and 8 years older than my wife.

  • http://tonygrands.blogspot.com tony grand$

    @ sealsaa
    My TWINS (& she dropped my daughter with me, the worst father in the world, & kept my son……….) turned 8 in Jan. I’ve been married for 6 1/2 yrs. Sufficed it to say, I’ve had quite the tumultuous 21st century.

    That was the only reason she called on me & my wife. The po’s saw through it, & gave me some very sound advice on how I should deal with the kids because of this situation, being one that I can’t control & all.

    I’d say for the first 5 yrs of their lives, I bent over backwards, trying to be the bigger person. Once my wife said “dude, I know you love your kids, but she’s taking advantage & you keep losing. It’s time to stand up!”, that was a wrap.

    Cool thing about my wife is that she’s been around since vitually the beginning, so my BM can’t really pull too many low ball manuvers. Everything that blind rage prohibits me from saying &/or encourages me to do, she takes control of the situation & puts her in her place, on that woman to woman shit.

    But, if I can drop something on you, like my pops said, don’t forget that you gotta live your life, as well. Do what you can, but don’t let her run anything. God knows your heart, juice.

  • sealsaa

    @ tony

    I appreciate the advice, and believe me, my wife tells me the same thing, and holds me down whenever this chick gets to playing games. I’m just happy that the courts are involved now, and that they’ve set a reasonble amount for child support, and saw through the bullshit. Fortunately, i’ve learned my lesson about bending over backwards for her. Never again.

    • http://tonygrands.blogspot.com tony grand$

      I got my court date coming up soon. I have a few tricks up my sleeve.

      My homegirl & I were talking about marriage & things of that nature today. One *cough* good thing I can say about BM, is that if it weren’t for her ever coming into my life (ugh!), I wouldn’t have the mentality to appreciate my wife & be the husband & father she deserves me to be.

      & she holds ya boy down for real. On some “you don’t even need your mother anymore” type. Which is cool, because my mom & I have no real relationship anyhoo. Especially once she sided with my only enemy on Earth.

      I guess, in essence, even a rotten apple has a seed in it.

      & hopefully some of y’all younger dudes read this & see the realness. This ain’t Jerry Springer, or Maury Povich. This is 2 dudes who’ve never met building on something y’all can avoid. For real.

  • squadwildin

    good looks on the talk tony and sealsaa….at all costs, i will try to avoid that shit.

    I can honestly see bitches aint shit. The thing that stood out to me tho, was sealsaa’s story about his baby moms already being married. THat is some SCANDALOUS ass shit. thats fucked up in two different ways from Sunday

    • http://tonygrands.blogspot.com tony grand$

      Whatitdo Squad…..lol @ your “I never knew” comment.

      Yeah, that was a cold twist, right. Cal was talking about the “elders”, but that’s a situation that can’t be foreseen, or scripted for that matter. I try to talk to younger cats, & I believe they hear me, but we all know hearing & listen are two seperate things. It just shows that having a heart in the right place is duck sauce if we don’t know what’s really going on.

      I put it like this. You’re absolutely right, bitches ain’t shit! But, real women still exist. Don’t let us make it seem that the whole litter is rotten.

      Just steer clear of OUR baby momma’s! Hahahahahahaha

  • Avenger XL

    Look Bol we already know how you feel about broads because the closest thing you come to stank is if you don’t wash your hands for a few days. But come on if you a dude so weak that he is getting beat down by a broad you need that ass whupping. That is for real.

    Secondly putting your hand on a broad is a bitch made thing to do. If you haven’t learn to only mess with broads on your level you run the risk of messing up your money and life for no reason. Listen people you just can’t go around dropping off in a broad because you think she is hot. You need to see where the head game is and yes I mean both of them. Recognize what popping off.

    If it is a one night stand- then fuck and be out, wear protection and get checked out because that is some daredevil like risk these days.

    If she talking friends with benefits stay emotional detached as possible. Handle yours and be gone before day light. Only the most mature broads can handle a friendship with this situation without wondering about more.

    If she seems unstable at times or you see her wilding out over the slightest thing on a friend or a family member. Don’t mess with her she will be cutting your tires and using your kid as a hostage as soon as you and her fall out.

    Read the signs man. Dudes are lazy these days and don’t play the game right and get mad when they get caught up with a bitch.

  • Jhon da Analyst

    Gents……what’s up? No bullshit, Child Protective Services called me yesterday and asked if I thought my daughter was in a harmfull situation. I could have shitted on the bitch, but I must say she’s a halfway decent mother. However, she’s a violent whore & her last baby’s father called them on her. I did however tell the case worker that I’ve been quite firm that if anything ever happened to my daughter……..well, yall know the deal!!

    • http://tonygrands.blogspot.com tony grand$

      What up Jhon.

      @ the time my daughter was dropped off @ my house, we talked the whole night, & she told me what was going on. How her mom was dealing with her “emotional problems”. What her mom was subjecting her to was “capital punishment” by the laws of California State. Funny thing is, I don’t put my hands on my kids @ all, God’s truth. I don’t think that’s necessary.

      If I was a police officer/judge/case worker, that bitch would mos defly have been prosecuted for child abuse AND neglect. Did I piss on her? Nope. I took my daughter away from that environment. But I let her mom know, this won’t happen again. Ain’t no threat of violence either. I’ll do what so many women like her do all willy nilly, & let the courts handle it.

      A black eye will eventually heal itself, but there’s no bandage for a permenant record.

  • Jhon da Analyst

    Basically, they got into an “altercation” and he ended up breaking out a window and then calling CPS. One day she’s gonna get fucked up!! I may call them back today lettin them know I don’t want my daughter witnessing any type of violence.

    • http://tonygrands.blogspot.com tony grand$

      I just hate even thinking I’m stooping down to their level, but sometimes you got to do what you’ve got to do.

  • Jhon da Analyst

    Like I said before, I’m glad there are some intelligent cats on here who have been through the bullshit with BM’s Yeah, I guess they’re bowel movements too. Yet, u live and learn. Take heed young fellas ’cause shit could happen to u too!!!1 I did enjoy hittin that pussy though. Just didn’t know she was a fuckin nut!! At least I’m stronger, and she couldn’t fuck with me on my worst day, intellectually, financially and all those motherfuckin things in between. Peace Tony G$, Sealsaa,and all the real cats that know the deal

    • http://tonygrands.blogspot.com tony grand$

      Cosign that Jhon.

      What doesn’t kill us only makes us stronger. & when the appropriate time comes, my son is getting the realist talk ever.

      Speaking of hitting it, who was that comedian that said you can tell when a broad is psycho by how good the ass is? The better, the crazier.

      Whoever the hell it was, maaaaan, homeboy was on the money.

  • Jhon da Analyst

    Damn, wish I knew who that comedian was..Maybe Ted Carpenter??

    • http://tonygrands.blogspot.com tony grand$

      @ least I know I didn’t imagine it! After I typed it, I thought maybe it was just wishful thinking lol. Hell, whoever it was, dude was dead ass with that one, ha!