How do we know Amber Rose isn’t Kanye’s beard?

Is Kanye’s new girlfriend proof at last that he’s not a closet case, or does he need more people?

Normally, I’d say it’s definitely the former. I even said myself, before it was all trendy, that I’d give it to this girl hard, from behind, even though it might be difficult from behind, since it would be that much harder to tell if she’s a girl or a young white guy.

But no young white guy ever had an ass like that! (No homo.)

In fact, I wonder if it’s a mere matter of coincidence that I mentioned on my site, ByronCrawford.com, aka ThisIsUnfuckedBoy, that I’d have sex with this woman, despite the fact that she has no hair, which I usually find very important on a women, and the next thing you know, there’s Kanye being photographed with her at events.

I happen to know that Kanye was reading blogs heavy even years before he talked some fudge into blogging for him.

In order to find out for sure, I might try that trick with some other women I wouldn’t mind having sex with. Only thing is, I’m not sure where he draws the line on being seen with women who’ve been in pr0n. I try not to draw much of a distinction myself between video hoes and regular hoes, especially now that that Milani Rose sex tape hit the Internets, but you know how these hoes are.

I wouldn’t be surprised if an Amber Rose sex tape ended up hitting the Internets. Of course, if and when it does, I’m sure she’ll try to cop a plea just like her cousin Milani Rose did. Already, pictures of Amber Rose hugged up with some guy have hit the Internets. They were posted on Media Take Out. Jackpot mentioned them yesterday, in his bullshit post about how Amber Rose is better-looking than Alexis Phifer.

Pfft!

Alexis, holler at your boy. It was wrong the way he did you on 808s and Heartbreak. I’ve got an idea for how we can get back him once and for all. There might even be a new coat in it for you, depending on how much it costs. It would definitely have to come from Burlington. And I don’t mean, Burlington, VT.

But I digress.

The fact that Kanye’s girlfriend has a girlfriend would be the best thing evar for Kanye, except for the fact that those pictures are almost certainly the most disgusting thing I can imagine involving two girls kissing. The one girl is dressed up like a guy, and the sight of her in her pre-hipster rap era hip-hop gear is just… off-putting. I thought tight pants was supposed to be what’s hot in the streets. Someone get this bitch a copy of that memo!

Also, supposedly, she’s pissed. She thinks Kanye stole Amber Rose away from her, and hence from lesbianism. Which would make sense, I think, in that there can’t be too much of a leap from a girl who dresses up like a guy to a guy who dresses up like a girl. Is that the secret to pulling a lesbian broad, dressing like you might be a lesbian yourself? Nhjic.

It might almost be worth it, in order to get two girls in the bed with you. But if I had the means, I’d rather just pay. First of all, there’s always the risk that the two girls will start going to town on one another, and you’ll be left there with nothing to do but stand in the corner and rub one out at the sight of it. Also, people might start thinking you’re a fruit

Which brings me to my point. If we’ve seen all of these pictures of Amber Rose hugged up with this other woman, and all we’ve seen of her and Kanye are pictures of the two of them showing up to events dressed up in each other’s clothes, how do we know if Kanye even hit it, like I would?

For all we know, she might be repulsed by the idea of a man with an actual unit. They might make out, but she might make him tuck it back between his legs. A sex tape might be in order, just to let the world know that isn’t the case. Maybe they can talk the other girl into dressing like an actual girl and getting in on it.

  • http://www.twitter.com/aufbrand Aufbrand

    Amber Rose is ridiculously hot.

  • http://www.xxlmag.com jackpot

    Bol, you buggin. Amber is iller than Alexis. I hope Alexis hollers at you though. You could prolly use a break from all the pr0n.

  • anutha_level

    damn man, this horse has been beat to DEATH. next topic please….

    • http://xxlmag.com Bol

      I refuse to believe that this isn’t the very first article on the Internet in which a woman is discussed as if she was an object, and I demand an apology.

      • anutha_level

        lol

  • http://junglefeet.blogspot.com Detroit P

    you know……you sure do spend alot of time trying to figure out who’s gay…thats like…the lowest form of blogging

    • Josh

      And blogging is the lowest form of pseudo-journalism

    • anutha_level

      ex-fucking-actly….check the archives

      • Avenger XL

        Then why are you reading a blog? Do you just like low rent entertainment or just don’t have a life?

  • giantstepp

    Kanye aint hitting that! he’s paying ole girl to make appearances with him to calm down the gay rumors from 50 and elsewhere. She hit the scene way too fast for it not to be a setup. She is getting pub out the deal and a grip from ‘Ye. They are probably like BFF’s now dressing alike and shit.

  • Simple like ABC, 123

    Co-Sign Bol

  • Tiiz

    LOL @ a shopping spree at Burlington Coat Factory!

  • DV8

    Amber Rose is bangin. Did you see her in Smooth magazine?

    *plays “My Girl Has A Girlfriend” by Young Dro feat. T.I.*

    If Kanye is gay then hes the luckiest gay dude I ever heard of.

  • amar

    bol it’s amazing that i didn’t see this before! ur a genius!

    what we think:
    -kanye likes the cock
    -kanye likes the booty

    what we know
    -his “g”f is gay
    -his “g” may be a dude
    -his “g”f has the booty

    brilliant journalism, sir!

  • http://www.myspace.com/emcdlthemusicprofile EmCDL

    Man I’m sorry Bol but I’d still smash Amber Roses’ cakes…and I usually don’t mess with the ball-headed chicks either

    • chitchat

      How many bald-headed chicks do yall know?

  • BIGNAT

    “First of all, there’s always the risk that the two girls will start going to town on one another, and you’ll be left there with nothing to do but stand in the corner and rub one out at the sight of it.” THAT IS JUST SAD MAN THIS MUST HAVE HAPPENED TO YOU BEFORE BOL. 2 GIRLS USED YOU FOR YOUR BASEMENT HAHAHA

  • Jhon da Analyst

    Wow…seems like everyone’s preoccupied with dude’s sexuality. I personally don’t give a fuck, but you know in hip-hop that’s taboo. Kanye, Puff, Busta….the question remains, thanks Gangstarr. However, that chick could get it even if it is a front. If ppl don’t see a guy with a girl on the regular they might think he’s “funny”. Check this out to all the niggas and bitches out there. If I was Kanye, I’d be like “If you think I’m a “homo” bring your mother and your sister over with the camcorder and we’ll set this shit straight for errrbody (internets primarily). Like Ricky Harris said “Don’t stop the cameras, this shit is real!!!”

  • Jhon da Analyst

    My bad Ricky………..”Keep the camera’s rollin!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

  • http://xxl All Dae

    .

  • Chris S

    Willie Dee said being a bald headed bitch is a gotdamn shame

    • http://www.myspace.com/emcdlthemusicprofile EmCDL

      LMAO!!!

  • geico lizard

    “But if I had the means, I’d rather just pay”
    Hey Bol we all pay for sex in some way but at least with a hooker you know the price upfront.

    I dont know how i missed this post before now but its a good one. So if that butch chick sees kanye and alexis out in public and punches kanye he cant hit her back? The ex can go chris brown on kanyes face but he cant hit her back in self defense thats bullshit. She acts like a man and dresses like one so he should be able to defend himself if he is attacked by that thing.

  • Ms.hello

    Alexis is wifey material, pretty and classy. Amber is bedroom material, hot and trashy. Both girls are pretty in their own way, but Kayne should have left Amber as a bedroom buddy!!!