Contact Us

Free Chris Brown

I’m not saying that Chris Brown doesn’t deserve to have his ass whooped, if he’s guilty of the crime of which he’s been accused. I’m just saying. Do we even know for a fact that he did that shit? Let’s not fly off half cocked here. No Boutros.

For all we know, Chris Brown might have had a good reason to put his shoe on Rihanna. The fact that he’s alleged to have bitten and slapped Rihanna in addition to punching her in the face suggests to me that not only may he have been acting in self defense, but he may have even practiced restraint with her.

Think about it: Rihanna is not exactly a small woman. And god bless her for it. But Chris Brown’s not a small guy, either – he just sounds like it, when he sings. If you’re Chris Brown, why would you need to bite Rihanna and slap her in addition to just plain cold cocking her? I’m sure even Yung Berg could have taken Rihanna out in just two hits: him hitting her, and her hitting the floor, as they say at Shermer High School, Shermer, IL 60062. No Pimp C.

Most likely, Rihanna attacked Chris Brown, and it was all he could do to get her off of him to rough her up a little bit. He probably tried slapping her first, to see if she could take a hint, but that didn’t work. Then he figured he might try biting, to let her know he really wasn’t play. Only then, when that didn’t work, did he finally resort to using his fist. I can’t imagine it was the opposite, i.e. he knocked her lights out, then he bit her. That would just be weird.

Then there’s the fact that we don’t know how severe Rihanna’s injuries really were. I saw some shit on MTV yesterday where her grandma was saying she saw Rihanna, and she wasn’t in bad shape at all. But apparently, she’s the only one who’s seen Rihanna. Every day for the past two years now I’ve seen new piictures of Rihanna, and I don’t even go on the Internets looking for pictures of women, except at certain times of the day, but now that she supposedly got beat, she’s in a bunker somewhere with Dick Cheney.

If you notice, when Chris Brown got locked up, all they did was charge him with making terrorist threats and let him go on bail. If they really thought he put his shoe on Rihanna, wouldn’t they have actually charged him with assault, and probably kept him locked up, so he couldn’t go and finish the job he’d already started?

And what’s making terrorist threats, anyway? I make terrorist threats five, maybe six times a day at the BGM… under my breath, natch. I can’t run the risk of anyone actually hearing me, what with the state of the economy. I could end up homeless. But I notice old white women are getting especially out of pocket these days. I’m sure a lot of them secretly resent slavery having ended anyway, let alone now that we’ve got a black president.

So what, if I sit around and fantasize about them dying in a fire? I don’t think the term terrorist should even be used, unless there’s an Arab and a bomb involved. People might get the wrong idea about me. Which brings me to my next point: How come all of these companies and radio stations are rushing to sever ties with Chris Brown, before they even find out whether or not Rihanna’s just making this shit up?

I can’t help but be reminded of what happened to OJ. Lest we forget, he was actually acquitted of murdering his ex-wife and her jump-off. But he still ended up having to sell bootleg cable boxes and autographed memorabilia just to make ends me. No more TV movies of the week for him. If OJ would have been allowed to resume his acting career once it was revealed he didn’t kill those two people, he never would have had to go get his shit back, in that hotel room.

In that sense, I actually do kinda hope he got rough with Rihanna. I’d hate to see a man get thrown under a bus for nothing.

Recommended For You

Around the Web

Best of XXL

Leave a Comment

It appears that you already have an account created within our VIP network of sites on . To keep your personal information safe, we need to verify that it's really you. To activate your account, please confirm your password. When you have confirmed your password, you will be able to log in through Facebook on both sites.

Forgot your password?

It appears that you already have an account on this site associated with . To connect your existing account just click on the account activation button below. You will maintain your existing VIP profile. After you do this, you will be able to always log in to using your original account information.

Please fill out the information below to help us provide you a better experience.

(Forgot your password?)

Not a member? Sign up here

Sign up for XXL Mag quickly by connecting your Facebook account. It's just as secure and no password to remember!