Diddy Blog, Bitches! Diddy Notorious Blog! Diddy Notorious Kimmy D-Roc Blog!
Ciroc Obama is back! This time he brings the muscle along for some shine as he weighs in on the success of Notorious and the fallacy of Lil’ Kim’s portrayal therein.
What I fail to understand–other than why D-Roc is so damn touchy-feely–is that if Diddy concedes that Kim’s portrayal is bullshit, why did he sign off on it? As a producer and head vampire in charge, Diddy could somewhere along the line say “Hold on, I knew Kim Jones back then. She was more than a cockswaggling, home-wrecking sack of herpetic lesions.” But no, as he made sure Derek Luke delivered the most grandiose displays of inspirational verbosity, he saw to it that Kim looked like a skank.
This is not to say that any of us ever thought any different of her. It’s just confusing how, in Puffy’s Hollywood Dreamland one could be admittedly misrepresented.
As far as the Green Mile nigga grab-assing and hanging from Puffy’s shoulders like a 7-foot Cassie goes, my perplexity knows no bounds.
Let me get the story straight. D-Roc does a bid, gets his story all kinds of exploited and earns himself a trip to Puffy’s house and the Super Bowl for his troubles like some Make-A-Wish kid? That better not be the case, Michael Clarke Duncan. That better not be the fuckin case.
If I were D-Roc and Puffy had the nerve to ask me some shit as dumb as “Wanna make a snowman?” I’d be like “Fuck outta here! I did a stretch for the team and now you’re one of the richest niggas in the history of niggerdom. I want a damn Swiss account and some land. Fuck this Of Mice and Men, tend the snow rabbits shit.”
Instead, you hear “W-we don’t got no shovels and b-buckets, boss!”
I love how, despite the fact that this vlog’s supposed to be about B.I.G., the biopic, and making nice with Kim, Puffy still finds time to stunt into the camera like “This ain’t Central Park. This The Lox’s publishing!” That’s right. He could call his backyard D-Block Park. I guess this is only appropriate on the heels of a “Yeah. It’s fucked up. But… fuck it. We had to make a movie” concession that pretty much summarizes the career of every Bad Boy artist in the post B.I.G. era.
Sounds pretty organic to me. The health inspector said so.
Questions? Comments? Requests? Wanna tend the rabbits at the crib? firstname.lastname@example.org
Puffy: This is about BIG. Don’t focus on us… Just focus on this big-ass house!
D-Roc: We at the crib!