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Can rappers really have people killed?

There’s been a lot of talk lately about rappers putting out hits on people, and it’s got me wondering. What’s the likelihood, really, that a rapper could have someone killed?

I was listening to the Howard Stern Show the other day on the way home from work, and they were talking about how Jay-Z is supposedly gonna put a hit out on Chris Brown for putting his shoe on Rihanna.

Er, to make things clear, lest someone “pursue back channels,” one of Jay-Z’s bag handlers was quoted in the paper as saying that Jay-Z was fuming when he heard about what Chris Brown (allegedly) did to Rihanna, and that he was heard to have said that Chris Brown was a dead man.

Jay-Z is said to be very protective of Rihanna, and I’ve never been quite sure what that means. Obviously, there’s the rumor that Jay-Z and Rihanna get it on with one another, and that’s how she got herpes on her lip, but who knows.

Howard and Artie have actually been around Jay-Z and Rihanna in person, and they claim he basically tells her what to do. Like, if someone asks Rihanna a question, Jay-Z listens to the question then tells Rihanna to respond, then she responds.

I wonder if that might provide some insight into Rihanna’s relationship with Chris Brown. Could it be that, perhaps due to her Island background, she prefers to be with a strong man, who tells her what to do, and maybe even occasionally takes certain measures to discipline her?

Also, does she have a sister? Ha!

No but really, it would seem to me that understanding the nature of the relationship between Jay-Z and Rihanna would be key to knowing whether or not Jay-Z might actually consider putting a hit out on Chris Brown. And it’s hard for me to say, since my relationships with women have been far in between and have often involved a cash transaction.

I don’t have either a girlfriend or a sister. Like many men in this most unfortunate of situations, there are plenty of women who appreciate me for my intellect, i.e. women I’ve failed to score with, but let’s keep it real – there’d be a certain sick amusement in seeing one of those women get roughed up.

I’m not saying it’s funny to see someone get beat up. I’m just saying. There’s degrees to friendship, and I’d feel worse about seeing a woman get beat up, if I’ve given her the business. Otherwise, let some other guy feel bad about her.

But I digress.

Jay-Z probably couldn’t put a hit out on Chris Brown now if he wanted, if the fact that he was considering it so well known that it was being discussed on the Howard Stern Show. Now, If something does happen to Chris Brown, even if Jay-Z wasn’t involved, people will suspect him.

To his credit, it’s not like Jay-Z publicly announced that he was putting a hit out on Chris Brown. He just happened to be screaming it out as Memphis Bleek was walking by to see if he wanted anything from Outback Steakhouse. Fiddy Cent, meanwhile, stays talking about how he’s gonna have someone got.

I’m not gonna go back and listen to any dis records that aren’t called “Tia Told Me,” but I’m pretty sure he’s threatened to have some guys from the projects in Queens go after Officer Ricky. And then there was that video of DJ Khaled’s mother asleep at the returns desk at K-Mart, i.e. my old stomping grounds.

The thing is, DJ Khaled’s mother, if she’s even aware that she was all over the Internets last week, ought to feel lucky. Not only is it all but guaranteed that 50 Cent isn’t gonna do anything to her other than buy her a new coat, but I’m sure the hip-hop police on the lookout, in case anyone else tries to run up on her.

Which I suppose is for the best, in that you’d hate to see someone’s mother get killed over rap music as bad as the kind put out by 50 Cent and DJ Khaled. But I’m not gonna lie – I can’t help but think that this beef would be even more interesting than it already, i.e. the most interesting thing I’ve seen before in my life, almost as riveting as This American Life, if there was an actual sense of danger.

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