We interrupt a surely more important moment of life and programming to bring you this Nigga Please Special Report.
Miniature Middle Teen region heads of state Bow Wow and Soulja Boy Tellem have agreed to a cease-whiner effective last night.
The seemingly decades-long conflict now has the potential for permanent end after an optimistic round of peace talks. SODMG militia leader Soulja Boy Tell’Emajhad and Prince Rashad Al-Wahad Bow Wizzle of nearby Qyria. In recent days, fighting had escalated to armored Lamborghini pink slip races and alternating threats released to Al-Jizzeera television.
Once united in the pursuit of conquering territory in regions belonging to Dysnia and Niq’Al-ojian, the now-defunct Marco Polo Alliance works to maintain relative order in their respective struggling nations.
Last week–during a Tokyo Drift-inspired pink slip race–Tell’Emajhad had taken particular exception to the No Chain Zone outlined by Bow Wizzle. Reminding the Qyrian prince of atrocities past, Tell’Emajhad swore revenge in another recorded statement.
“You know that situation was sensitive to me, dawg. You know I lost control of the West Bank. You know they looted my palace of the gold furnishings and fine technicolor BAPEsters seamlessly woven from top to bottom. You know I had to pop a nigga,” fumed Tell’Emajhad to Crescent Star Rap Site.
Not to be punked completely, Bow Wizzle the following threat:
“Nigga I will Marco Polo the fuck outta yo’ old fuck ass, nigga.”
Note the use of double nigratives, a sign of extreme insult in Middle Teen culture.
The resolution, thought only tentative, leaves many in the Middle Teen region hopeful that the bickering and auditory violence between the rival factions can come to an end.
“You couldn’t imagine the horrors we’ve seen and heard,” clamors Tariq Muhammad-Stokes, an American-born Dysnian resident. “I held my hands to the sky and prayed it would all stop. After ‘Turn My Swag On’ polluted out airwaves, I forbade my daughter to listen to the radio. Now I can no longer enjoy my favorite informational website without fear of unspeakable horror.”
When asked what he thought of the probability of the ceasefire being upheld, Muhammad-Stokes responded “WTF?! THIS AIN’T LAKEY THE KIDD!!!”
Questions? Comments? Requests? Have pictures of first-hand account of the horrors? email@example.com
Enjoy the Grammophones and the “Swagger” that comes with them.