Akon’s Gassed The Fluck Up!

For today’s blent sacrifice, I’ve given up reading all Chris Brown and Rihanna stories. In doing so, I’ve found that there really isn’t much else out there for us urban folk to read.

Aside from 50 Cent’s Paul Bearer-directed WWE promo threatening a woman that’s brown enough to be DJ Khaled’s mother, it’s Akon and his Cribs-like fuckery that’s saved me from the incessant asswhoopin accounts.

Nice. He’s blown more money than Ted DiBiase to look like a spent matchstick in a snowstorm.

Haven’t we established that shit like this is the reason Floyd Mayweather got taken and Soulja Boy “had to pop a nigga?” Why show off that ivory dictator’s palace to the world? I guess such a fate would be like karma for a guy like Akon. How can you sleep at night as an African nigga with a house full of ivory shit? I thought Africans shed a single tear every time an elephant died.

You know, like the Native American chief dude who cries when we litter by his blackjack table.

The team that comes for Akon on his day of reckoning isn’t gonna be your standard-issue jacker/kidnapper troupe. He’s gonna have deal with poachers and game wardens and shit. It’s gonna be messier than Trinidad in that bitch.

For a man willing to spend so much money on frivolous white shit, there’s no way his alligator pit is empty because he hasn’t “found the right alligator.” He ate that shit and shouldn’t be ashamed to admit it.

The fingerprint access panels are a nice touch. I guess it’s the one thing he could do in order to feel like a convict at all times. Bravo. Keep the dream alive, nigga. Keep the dream alive. He didn’t even have to go to the panel dealer in person. He just forwarded his shit from the county records.

I love how he goes in the backyard—the scene of the main fuckery—to show us his “first Lambo.” Here I thought he started singing after an extensive and lucrative career of stealing them shits with Vin Diesel.

As for the heart of the matter, what kind of nigga keeps a gas station in his house? That’s about the most ignorant shit ever. Aside from being a T-Pain shuffle step away from having a Neverland, way to be the face of two failing industries at once! With gas prices being so volatile, why would anyone keep more of it around than they’re actually going to use at a given time?

Wowsers.

Akon is on the Usain Bolt track to Hammerdom. Now that I think of it, Hammer is my twigga. I’m gonna have to tweet old boy up and tell him to talk to Prince Akeem. I don’t wanna see the kid back on permanent safari because no one cared enough to speak up, you know? That’d be kind of unethical.

I would like to see him doing a Cash4Oil commercial with Dick Cheney though.

I hope ‘Kon got a nice discount from Chevron to display that pole. If all that shit isn’t fully paid for, he’s gonna fuck around and have make that shit into a full-service spot one day.

Questions? Comments? Requests? I’d drive down there just to put $50 on pump 1. ron@ronmexicocity.com

  • Worley

    “He’s blown more money than Ted DiBiase to look like a spent matchstick in a snowstorm.”

    Man, I was wondering why that n*gga had all that white in his crib. The place looks like some type of Rubik’s cube architecture project from the outside.

  • Pierzy

    I think he bought all that white shit just to make the contrast to his skin that much more dramatic. Dude’s like a ninja dressed in all black walking around a science lab or hospital wing…

    • http://tonygrands.blogspot. tony grand$

      I think he’s trying hard as fuck to forget all the mud & animal shit he’d have us believe he grew up surrounded by.

  • http://www.obeseamerica.com sankofa

    Welcome to Obese America, where more is never enough.

  • anutha_level

    classless

  • amar

    LOL i laugh when motherfuckers on cribs show off their scarface limited editions and fridges, but “SEE THIS GRILL? THESE IS REAL CHEF SEASONINGS RIGHT HERE…” takes the motherfucking cake! I’ve NEVER seen anyone THIS proud of their spices

  • geico lizard

    “WHY show off that ivory dictator’s palace to the world?” Women Women Women, they all want to impress women thats why they show off and risk being robbed and killed by a thug who will blame his crime on the recession.

  • geico lizard

    -”Hammer is my twigga. I’m gonna have to tweet old boy up and tell him to talk to Prince Akeem.” Tmz said hammer is doing a concert with vanilla ice somewhere in utah where the population of the city is 90% white,lmfao.

    -Once akon spends all his music money he can fall back on that nigerian email. If he sends 10 grand to prince zumunda he will mail him 2million back so how could it be a scam.

  • Oneofthemyo’s

    Must be a slow news day ron. Black ass niggas always be on that all white or loud ass colors shit so thats no surprise.Houses are like trophy wives to celebrities cause in reality they spend more time in hotel rooms, but hey an all white house is what blood diamonds get cha.

    More importantly y u cheating on xxl with allhiphop I see your herpes ass(pause) over there.

  • foolio_iglesias

    ‘He’s got his own money!’-John Amos,Coming to America

  • bean

    your just a hater that needs something to “blog” about

  • nicky j

    @Bean.

    No shit. That’s the point of his whole blog. It’s entertainment, nigga. Come on, now.

    “I thought Africans shed a tear every time an elephant died.”
    hahahahahahahahaha

    Ron I’m waiting for you to sip your soda, which you’re sure someone has spit in….

  • B

    Someone must Negro Please T.I. for his Road to Redemption show… who will think of the children?… Won’t somebody think of the children?!!

    Ron Mexico, SAVE US!!!!

  • Deez Nutz

    LOL @ Negroe please pushing down billy x on the homepage…next stop Bol heh

  • BIGNAT

    hahaha akon is a fool for that one he going have people running up to his house to steal his gas. shit it’s not even that high now but people wanna think ahead.

  • greg

    MTV CRIBS SHOULD REALLY ASK SOME HARD QUESTIONS LIKE ARE YOU WORRIED THAT SOON AS YOUR BROKE AS HELL FANS TRYING TO HOLD ON TO THIER 1998 HONDA CIVIC WITH A 325 PAYMENT SEE HOW MUCH MORE MONEY YOU HAVE THAN THIER BOSS AND FATHER THAT THEY ARE GONNA SKIP DOWNLOADING YOUR BULLSHIT RINGTONE /FAKE ASS /NATE DOGG IMPRESSION AND PUT THAT 12.99 IN THEIR REFRIGERATIOR ? PLEASE BOYCOTT ANY JACKASS THAT HAS THE NERVE TO BUY A ALL WHITE HOUSE THE AGENT WHO UNLOADED THIS NIGGER MANSION ON HIS DUMB ASS IS STILL LAUGHING TWO YEARS LATER WHAT THE FUCK ? NIGGER ITS BOOTLEG BIN FOR YOU FOREVER IM GONNA DOWN LOAD YOUR SHITAND LEAVE 50000 COPIES ON THE TRAIN

  • http://www.ilikecelebrities.com/akon LoriDCurtis

    I think it’s pretty good actually, what about you?