We're only half a month into 2009, and already two new forms of rape have been invented. This could be a rough year for us guys. Nullus.

Over the break, I was reading Jezebel, looking for the kind of information that could get me through a cold, lonely winter night, and I stumbled upon a post about some new shit they've got called not rape.

If you missed the post I did on it on my own site the other day, not rape is a sexual interaction in which you aren't raped per se, but the power dynamic was a bit off, in his favor. Like, if you fucked a guy who was older than you, and you probably wouldn't have fucked him, if the two of you were the same age. But it's not like he held you down and shoved it up enya. He didn't even feed you a little bit of alcohol so as to speed along the process, which would of course be date rape. It's just that you felt a little bit violated, if not to the point where you were actually violated.

I know... Bullshit, right?

Fortunately for us guys, I'm pretty sure there's no legal basis for such a thing as not rape. It's just one of those things that you're gonna have to hear about more and more on the Internets. Like Charles Hamilton. I wouldn't even be surprised if a few of us got charged with not rape, before it's all said and done with. Think about it: If you're a brother such as myself, without a whole lot to offer a woman other than a fine intellect, which is to say you're completely hopeless, what are the odds that any woman you have sex with isn't gonna regret it at least somewhat the next day, even if you played by the rules? They might as well go ahead and charge me.

But I digress.

Another form of rape I'm sure we're gonna hear a lot about on the Internets is some shit that's actually called Internets rape. Which, as far as I know, is also a new one. I've spent a significant amount of my life surfing the Internets. And I'm not gonna lie, I've definitely read up on sexual abuse. But I'd never heard of Internets rape until I heard someone mention it, just the other day. On Twitter, natch.

This woman Amanda Diva, who I guess was on Nickelodeon and MTV2, and is now a rapper, was complaining about lewd remarks in the comments section of a post about her over on Nah Right. Perhaps you heard about it. I mentioned it on my own Twitter the other day, and there was a big feature on it at Complex yesterday.

I believe the exact quote was as follows: "being a woman in this game is unbelievably ridiculous some days. i jst got internet raped on Nahright by like 30 sexually frustrated geeks."

And then it went on from there. She bitched a bit more and then claimed she was done with it. But then she started firing off replies to eskay, proprietor of Nah Right, trying to lay a guilt trip on him for using a picture of her that was a bit too suggestive, sexually, and for egging on the comments section by announcing the beginning of Amanda Diva vs. the Nah Right comments section Round 3, whatever that means. (This has been an ongoing issue?)

To eskay's credit, I don't know that he's to blame for the picture being too sexual in nature. (Is anyone ever to blame?) Yeah, he picked it out (and apparently, it wasn't the one she sent him to use), but she was the one who picked out that outfit in the first place. I know any number of women who could have been photographed in that outfit and none of this would have happened. But Amanda Diva is just a bit too thunderous in the thigh region for there not to be an issue. If she didn't want to be perceived sexually (god forbid), she shouldn't have left the house looking like that.

I'd suggest she should have "pursued back channels" in order to have the post removed, like people do when they need to have something I've written here at XXL censored, but you get the idea that she didn't want to run the risk of offending Al Sharpton eskay and hence losing all of that (ostensibly) valuable free promotion. Case in point, the reply she fired off to eskay at 3:12 PM that day: "you know you wrong for how you handled that post. it's all good though. i just didn't know that's how you move."

It goes back to what I was saying the other day about women who forfeit the right to complain by chasing the almight dollar. Cleary, she's upset with eskay. But she's gotta soft pedal it a bit, for business purposes. Which of course strikes me as bullshit. She's either upset with him or she's not, right? Especially if she's gonna be tossing around words like rape. You can't have it both ways.

And that's what this is really about, right? She's not really concerned with being viewed as a sex symbol. She's concerned with being viewed as a sex symbol by people who spend a lot of time reading blogs, i.e. your sorry asses. As revealed in the feature at Complex, she's even got a tramp stamp. And women don't get tramp stamps unless they take a lot of backshots, or they want to be perceived as the kind of woman who takes a lot of backshots. Like Lisa Sparxxx, who has one of my favorite tramp stamps, if not one of my favorite asses.

It's like when these women with huge cans who wear especially shirts to to the club and then want to act all offended when you eye rape them.

I know... Bullshit, right?