Joe Budden lost

The other day, this girl at the BGM hit me up for some relationship advice, as if I know the first thing about being in a relationship.

I guess she was having some problems in her own relationship, and she wanted to know, if a girl told me three different times in a row that the relationship we were in had run its course, would I be able to take the hint.

Mostly, I think she was looking for an ego boost. This isn’t a very good-looking girl at all, even by my own admittedly somewhat lax standards for white women. (I can’t help it if so many of them are so cute.) So I’m pretty sure her main objective was to have me know that there’s a guy sweating her. Huzzah.

Of course, I couldn’t help but feel sorry for the guy. And it’s gonna be weird if I run into him now. The thing is, this is an incredibly nerdy guy. He’s probably concerned that, if this beast of a woman drops him like a bad habit, he might not be able to find another one. He might be fortunate though, in that he’s young, and he’s got a few years left of college. His situation definitely isn’t gonna improve once he graduates, when a lot of the women he’ll deal with will be 30-plus, if not older. Eww! Also, I happen to know that, like myself, he’s a child of relative privilege in a school with a bunch of lower class white chicks. He might be able to use this to his advantage, but it’s gonna be difficult to do so without tricking. Which I of course find hard to condone even when it’s necessary, i.e. more often than not.

But I digress.

At first, I couldn’t help but chuckle at the whole thing. But then I got to thinking about a girl I might have been balls deep inside at that moment, if things tended to work out well for me, and I told her: With certain girls, I wouldn’t give a shit. If I somehow managed to wind up in a relationship with them in the first place, I’m gonna ride that motherfucker until the wheels fall off.

Guys, think about the girl in this world you’d most like to have sex with (hopefully, it’s not this woman Pinky, or somebody like that): If you somehow convinced this woman to be your girlfriend, but then the relationship hit a few snags, would you take that as a sign that maybe the two of you weren’t meant for one another? Obviously not. Even if it does eventually come to an end, you want to get as much out of that as you can.

The reason I bring this up is because last week, before the holiday, I went back and watched all of those videos with Joe Budden and Ransom over on World Star, and it’s been on my mind ever since. I was gonna do a post about them last week, but then alcohol intervened. Turns out I’m not as young as I used to be. Who knew? Also, none of that stuff struck me as being particularly interesting – even the part where Ransom goes over that guy’s house and shows him what the five fingers said to the face. The one part that did stick out in my mind is the part(s) where Ransom threatened to fuck Joe Budden’s girlfriend and mentioned that she used to “date” Fabolous.

Damn.

As they say in the ghetto, that’s not a very good look. I know opinion on Joe Budden’s girlfriend had already been split: I’ve seen some of you fruits e-sweating her in the comments sections of those videos, like the one Budden where trains a camera on her huge ass (so big it even looks big in black sweat pants, over the Internets) as she does the dishes (as she should), while his son sits there at the kitchen table, having lunch. Which is just wrong on so many levels. But I’m gonna have to disagree. Normally, I’m not into women with huge asses anyway, but I can appreciate a woman with a nice badonkadonk, I might spend two hours a day listening to public radio, but I’m still black, god damn it. What Joe Budden’s girlfriend has is not a nice badonkadonk. Joe Budden’s girlfriend suffers from what I like to call tankass syndrome.

I’m not saying I wouldn’t attempt to wear that out, if that’s what I wanted to do. (I’m sure there’s plenty of women I like that Joe Budden wouldn’t be interested in.) I’m just saying. There’s no way I’d film her and post her on the Internets as anything other than someone I keep around for when I need to get the poison out. And that’s before I found out that Fabolous already had his way with her, and, if you notice, didn’t bother parading her around the Internets as if she was some sort of trophy. Fabolous will talk up his collection of throwback sports jersey, but we probably never would have known that this woman was his sloppy seconds, if Ransom wouldn’t have brought it up.

Which is not to say that the problem is that we know this woman has had sex with other guys. The only women above the age of 22 who haven’t had sex are either butt ugly or relgious freaks. The problem is that we know for a fact that this woman has been with other famous rappers – which lets us know she has golddigger tendencies. There just aren’t enough famous rappers in the world for her to have been with at least two of them (that we know of) as a mere matter of coincidence, especially given her age, appearance, and apparent attitude. I could see if this was Diddy getting with J-Lo after she’d been passed around a bit, but this woman is no J-Lo. I’m sure I could take Joe Budden to some of the hispanic parts of New York and find him something that’s a lot cleaner – despite the fact that his career is obviously going nowhere.

  • Pierzy

    I love Budden’s music (nullus) but I totally agree that if you choose to play show-and-tell with your woman on the ‘Net, it’ll never turn out as good as you hoped…

    For Christ’s sake, look at what the dudes on this site write about XXL’s Eye Candy girls in the Comments section even though most of them live in the parents’ basement and still fantasize about Salt-N-Peppa.

  • BIGSCREECH

    You crazy, that bitch is bad.

    • valdez

      ^^^co-sign. and that ass is ridiculous!!!

  • P-Matik

    I see your point here. For real, maybe he should have kept her off the intertubes. It’s not like Joe doesn’t know how these dudes can get. But on the real, Bol. You know d*mn well you can’t go to any “hispanic part of New York”. If dudes even knew you were out there, someone would come and air your a** out like an old mattress as greasy as you talk on here. You my dude though, I’m just saying!

    • http://xxlmag.com Bol

      Stop fronting like the NYPD doesn’t have you fruits shook. I could probably walk through any hood in New York with just a plunger, and the PTSD alone would ensure my safety.

      • yoprince

        LMAO LMAO… true, it’s not like NY is New Orleans or anything

  • Apollo Moses

    You are crazy; the chick is bad with a bangin body. You act like a woman’s donk is hard as brick…nah dude more cushion.
    Not seeing your point, I ask this. Is Joe Budden not suppose to date any female that has been with a guy before? Is he suppose to round up an random panel of lonely idle negroes and seek their unanimous approval for “dating”?
    “The one part that did stick out in my mind is the part(s) where Ransom threatened to fuck Joe Budden’s girlfriend and mentioned that she used to “date” Fabolous.” Now isn’t that some hoe tendacies right there Bol? Ransom is jocking this man girl so hard, he’s online threatning rape.(You know he has no game to knock; he don’t even have the lines to get a deal.) That dude is mos def the Hater of the Year, knocking off Silky Johnson. G.O.H.D. please.
    Keep the post flowing, congrats on your award dude.

    • Pierzy

      But Fab’s his dude. Do you date your close friend’s exes?? I would hope not.

    • http://xxlmag.com Bol

      >Not seeing your point, I ask this. Is Joe Budden not suppose to date any female that has been with a guy before?

      Perhaps if you read the post.

  • tony grand$

    Damn Bol, wasn’t u just savin an old ladys life with ur nazi friend. Now u pull a 180 & semi-ether Joe. Lmao. Poor nigga JB can’t get a break.

    But, the whole “broadcast ur broad” thing isn’t what’s up, by any means. Youtube, facebook, Myspace, non of them shits r a place u wanna put ur personal life on blast. Its makes u look like a silly simp nigga, & makes it way to easy for the naysayers to throw bricks.

    Let’s hope its a lesson learned.

  • http://www.incilin.blogspot.com Incilin

    I’m not sure what this post is even supposed to be about.

    • $ykotic

      Read grand$ post above you. it pretty much sums it up.

  • geico lizard

    I thought this post would be ironic or you trying to clown Budden but i think you are really trying to wake Joe up and give him some real talk Bol. If you wanted to make fun of him you would have mentioned joe said,” my girl has a history but she is not a ho and she hasnt cheated on me in 5 years.” That nigga is sprung to believe this girl who only gets horny for famous def jam signed rappers hasnt cheated on his ass.

    This reminds me of when i heard kim porter had a kid by al b sure before she had kids with puffy. Women dont have coincidences like that, they have to put themselves at certain parties or concerts to hook celebs more than once. Im sure even that Shamwow guy gets pussy just because women saw him on tv.

    • tony grand$

      He’ll yeah, then *bam*, he breaks out the shamwow to clean up the puddle of paid commercial love nectar……

  • Worley

    Ay, I can’t knock Joe. I would smash but I don’t think I would wife that. I definitely would not parade her on the internet. Chicks with huge asses usually have sweaty asses. Things can get a bit acrid from the back.

  • Og Bobby J

    first and foremost…let me say i would love the opportunity to smash that chunkybutt.

    Second…how do we know ransom isnt lying? He is a joe budden flunkie…if that can even be said with how much of a flunkie joe himself is.

    Personally, i like buddens as a rapper…but lets keep it real….his success doesnt stem much further than defsounds.com message boards.

    They are both some cowardly lion ass niggas.

    A fat ass…but i bet that cooch smells like old dog hair soaked in puddle mud.

  • dat koon nigga

    ‘I’m sure I could take Joe Budden to some of the hispanic parts of New York and find him something that’s a lot cleaner ” lOl

    SHez Bez A Ho-rian

    datz Hows All Daz HoEz Bez lookIn In jeRsey And JewYork

  • amar

    hey bol, what’s the bgm?

  • yoprince

    this post is hilarious..

    c’mon man, we all knew joe budden was a sucker for love. he been makin 808′s and heartbreak his whole career. you know the only reason he tapin that new jawn all the time is b/c he’s the type who wanna make his old wifey jealous.

    truth be told, this is why i’ve never been able to get with joey (pause). he’s a corny nigga who likes poetry. true, he can spit, but i can spot a lame from a mile away..

    “it’ll break your heart to know your favorite rapper is lame as hell..”
    - props to whoever can i.d. that quote

    • Oneofthemyo’s

      “And fuck the units that name themselves”

  • balaramesh

    i have to agree with bol on this one.

    by no means would i ever put my wifey up all over the internet. he got a cute girl. but, there is NOTHING GOOD that can happen. i knew he set himself up for disaster from the beginning.

    the truth of the matter is that most girls have been banged by 5, 10, 15, 20 or so dudes before they hit 25 (yes, even the chicks in EYE CANDY that you want to drink their bathwater). especially, if they look good. everyone is trying to bang them. even if they only have a decent frame the number prolly goes up exponentially.

    therefore, do not think that the hottest chicks you seen out haven’t been hit raw by a couple dudes (if you lucky, it will be one hand). celebrities or not. IMO, getting hit by celebrities is prolly worse. cause you are always going to see them. imagine superhead’s son growing up. that is going to be brutal if not already.

  • jpdakid

    To me aint nothing wrong by showing your girl on the net, to a certain extent
    Joe does pass it some times….
    But you crazy, she sexy..you can tell she be working out
    Oh, this Fab thing been going on…Joe Budden talked about it on “Where Did It Go Wrong”, but didnt mention names
    And Fab didnt date her, he just hit it…and Joe didnt know until after he started dating her

    But you can’t hate on his music..he keep it real as shit

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