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Joe Budden lost

The other day, this girl at the BGM hit me up for some relationship advice, as if I know the first thing about being in a relationship.

I guess she was having some problems in her own relationship, and she wanted to know, if a girl told me three different times in a row that the relationship we were in had run its course, would I be able to take the hint.

Mostly, I think she was looking for an ego boost. This isn’t a very good-looking girl at all, even by my own admittedly somewhat lax standards for white women. (I can’t help it if so many of them are so cute.) So I’m pretty sure her main objective was to have me know that there’s a guy sweating her. Huzzah.

Of course, I couldn’t help but feel sorry for the guy. And it’s gonna be weird if I run into him now. The thing is, this is an incredibly nerdy guy. He’s probably concerned that, if this beast of a woman drops him like a bad habit, he might not be able to find another one. He might be fortunate though, in that he’s young, and he’s got a few years left of college. His situation definitely isn’t gonna improve once he graduates, when a lot of the women he’ll deal with will be 30-plus, if not older. Eww! Also, I happen to know that, like myself, he’s a child of relative privilege in a school with a bunch of lower class white chicks. He might be able to use this to his advantage, but it’s gonna be difficult to do so without tricking. Which I of course find hard to condone even when it’s necessary, i.e. more often than not.

But I digress.

At first, I couldn’t help but chuckle at the whole thing. But then I got to thinking about a girl I might have been balls deep inside at that moment, if things tended to work out well for me, and I told her: With certain girls, I wouldn’t give a shit. If I somehow managed to wind up in a relationship with them in the first place, I’m gonna ride that motherfucker until the wheels fall off.

Guys, think about the girl in this world you’d most like to have sex with (hopefully, it’s not this woman Pinky, or somebody like that): If you somehow convinced this woman to be your girlfriend, but then the relationship hit a few snags, would you take that as a sign that maybe the two of you weren’t meant for one another? Obviously not. Even if it does eventually come to an end, you want to get as much out of that as you can.

The reason I bring this up is because last week, before the holiday, I went back and watched all of those videos with Joe Budden and Ransom over on World Star, and it’s been on my mind ever since. I was gonna do a post about them last week, but then alcohol intervened. Turns out I’m not as young as I used to be. Who knew? Also, none of that stuff struck me as being particularly interesting – even the part where Ransom goes over that guy’s house and shows him what the five fingers said to the face. The one part that did stick out in my mind is the part(s) where Ransom threatened to fuck Joe Budden’s girlfriend and mentioned that she used to “date” Fabolous.


As they say in the ghetto, that’s not a very good look. I know opinion on Joe Budden’s girlfriend had already been split: I’ve seen some of you fruits e-sweating her in the comments sections of those videos, like the one Budden where trains a camera on her huge ass (so big it even looks big in black sweat pants, over the Internets) as she does the dishes (as she should), while his son sits there at the kitchen table, having lunch. Which is just wrong on so many levels. But I’m gonna have to disagree. Normally, I’m not into women with huge asses anyway, but I can appreciate a woman with a nice badonkadonk, I might spend two hours a day listening to public radio, but I’m still black, god damn it. What Joe Budden’s girlfriend has is not a nice badonkadonk. Joe Budden’s girlfriend suffers from what I like to call tankass syndrome.

I’m not saying I wouldn’t attempt to wear that out, if that’s what I wanted to do. (I’m sure there’s plenty of women I like that Joe Budden wouldn’t be interested in.) I’m just saying. There’s no way I’d film her and post her on the Internets as anything other than someone I keep around for when I need to get the poison out. And that’s before I found out that Fabolous already had his way with her, and, if you notice, didn’t bother parading her around the Internets as if she was some sort of trophy. Fabolous will talk up his collection of throwback sports jersey, but we probably never would have known that this woman was his sloppy seconds, if Ransom wouldn’t have brought it up.

Which is not to say that the problem is that we know this woman has had sex with other guys. The only women above the age of 22 who haven’t had sex are either butt ugly or relgious freaks. The problem is that we know for a fact that this woman has been with other famous rappers – which lets us know she has golddigger tendencies. There just aren’t enough famous rappers in the world for her to have been with at least two of them (that we know of) as a mere matter of coincidence, especially given her age, appearance, and apparent attitude. I could see if this was Diddy getting with J-Lo after she’d been passed around a bit, but this woman is no J-Lo. I’m sure I could take Joe Budden to some of the hispanic parts of New York and find him something that’s a lot cleaner – despite the fact that his career is obviously going nowhere.

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