Welcome to Super Happy Fun Time Foto… Moto!
Photo #1: Kanye The Mulletor (pron: Skeletor)
This nigga Western Kenya had the audacity to wear a mullet to Obama Day. That shit is like, the official haircut of the Klan, and he sports it to the proudest day in Black American history. Nice work, asshole.
Well, maybe not the single proudest day. That’d be a pretty tough call. We’ve had some other shit. MLK has certainly thrown down a couple of top 10 bangers. Ummm, the Season 3 finale of Good Times… Er, ummmm… That time Kanye invented the cotton gin. Yeah. We’ve had a few, but this Obama shit is pretty high up there too.
Actually, I’ll fall back a bit on my hair attacks. Everyone’s calling it a mullet. I think my West Coast brethren called it a “shag” back in the day. [Last seen worn by Eazy-E with extra TCB/Soul Glo in a Bone Thugs video.] Kanye calls it the body part that’s got more inspiration than Stevie Wonder’s got in his entire body. Why nitpick?
I say, leave the nigga alone. It’s the bestest hairstyle ever, AND he invented it! Like he did blogging.
[Blogger's Note: Standin' on the corner straight slangin' rocks. Awwwww, shit! Here come the motherfuckin' cops... Sing it with me now!]
Besides, we also know he’s gonna cry about the lack of praise he’s getting for lookin like Tito Jackson at Motown 25, so let’s not give him too hard a time.
We’ll put a pin in the excessive hate until tomorrow when we talk about Yeezy’s new, ummm, cinematic aspiration.
Photo #2: Aretha Franklin’s Church Crown
My homeboy El Diablo put me into tears when our eyes finally focused properly on the cornucopia of everything that’s wrong with black church culture sitting atop The Queen of Soul’s sweaty brow.
Ron Mexico: *looking at Aretha’s hat* *coughing up water* Oh, shit!
El Diablo: My nigga. That shit got two compartments. One for Popeye’s AND one for Golden Krust.
RM: *shaking head* That’s fucked up.
ED: Feel free to put that in your little blog or whatever if you want.
RM: I refuse. *typing his words verbatim into notepad* I refused to live-tweet the inauguration for a REASON. You’re a seriously fucked up nigga.
ED: Mmm. Hmmm. Weren’t you making fun of Stevie Wonder’s last few surviving braids on twitter the other day?
RM: *pauses* I can see homegirl bustin a Golden Krust spicy beef patty out from behind the bow, though…
For realsies. That hat is ri-cock-ulous. Lincoln had to stand the fuck up to see Obama from behind that shit.
Questions? Comments? Requests? Have contributions for future Haters’ Ball Photo Flips? firstname.lastname@example.org
“She wears underwear with dick holes in ‘em.” -The Hon. Silk E. Johnson