Fiddy flings poo at Officer Rawse

Let me guess: Fiddy Cent and Rick Ross both have albums coming out soon, and no one gives a shit, so a few phone calls were made, and now they’re gonna be beefing with one another.

Rick Ross would seem to have a certain degree of momentum going into this, his third album… except for the fact that it was revealed last year that he used to be a cop. Or rather, a corrections officer. Which might actually be worse than being a cop, in that you occasionally have to witness guys jerking off, and fucking each other in the ass, and some of them might even fling their poo at you, as if they were monkeys. (I used to watch a lot of those prison specials on HBO back in the ’90s. Nullus.)

But I don’t recall hearing Rawse’s songs on the radio any less, once we all saw those pictures of him at his police academy graduation, swathed in yards upon yards of gray polyester, or that document he had to sign stating that he’d be willing to shoot an inmate in his back, if he tried to hop the fence, even if he was just in there for weed.

Something tells me that the consequences would have been way worse, if Rawse wasn’t from Florida. People from the South just don’t have the same standards for their rappers as people in other parts of the country. That’s probably why they can’t rap as well. For example, could Fiddy Cent’s career have withstood him making a commercial, like that one T.I. made, explaining to people how to taddle to the police?

I know Fiddy’s been rumored to be down with 5-0, which follows him around constantly, but I wouldn’t be surprised if that’s just because they’re waiting for him to get shot. They figure if he does get shot, and they’re not actually around to see it, there’s no way they’ll ever find the culprit, what with hip-hop’s no snitching ethos. Even if there’s 10 people standing there watching as it happens.

Unless one of those people is T.I. Ha!

No but really, it was hard for me to be too amused by “Officer Ricky,” 50 Cent’s new dis record going at Rick Ross, knowing good and well there’s no way Fiddy Cent’s gonna shoot Rick Ross. He’s not even gonna pay someone from the projects. Best case scenario, maybe he’ll have one of his weed carriers snatch Rick Ross’ chain, or stab him with a fork (would gravy come out?), or slap one of his kids.

It’s too bad Fiddy could probably give a rat’s ass about his baby’s mother. I’m sure he’s concerned with her trying to suck him dry for child support, but I doubt he gives a rat’s ass what anyone says about her on a record. I know he didn’t seem to be at all when I mentioned that she has what you might call a prodigious rack, and that he ought to be able to play with it as a condition of his child support payments. Maybe Rick Ross read my post and thought it was open season on mentioning Shaniqua in a song. He wasn’t trying to dis Fiddy or anything, he just thought the whole situation was amusing. Who can blame him?

What I’d like to see is for someone to find something to say about Fiddy that would really piss him off, to the point where he might do something stupid. Not because I think Fiddy would be inspired to write a dis song that doesn’t suck balls. I don’t think Fiddy is capable of writing a dis song that doesn’t suck balls. But just because I’m bored like that. I don’t know if it’s the economy or what, but we’ve already had umpteen rap beefs so far this year, and all of them are pretty much gay – a buncha rappers with no careers going at each other’s throats, as if anyone gives a shit, and the few guys who do still have viable careers sounding like they can’t be bothered.

At the very least, it’d be nice to get Fiddy back to the point where he’s doing some amusing shit-talking at the end of his records. That used to be his strong point. But the monologue towards the end of “Officer Ricky” didn’t really do it for me at all. In particular, the part where he tries to bait Lil’ Wayne, and talks about how he’s the smallest ninja in his crew, as if he’s trying to enlist Dr. Dre and Eminem to join with him, just sounds desperate. It’s not everyday I find myself changing pants agreeing with Rick Ross, but I’m gonna have to agree when he says that Fiddy could have come way harder than he did. No homo.

  • General

    “I don’t think Fiddy is capable of writing a dis song that doesn’t suck balls.”

    I couldn’t agree more. He is the most overrated when it comes to dis records, or any records come to think of it.
    I loved that Officer Ross said “We’ll give ya 48 more hours to come with somethin betta”

    • EReal

      Funeral Music.

  • What the ?

    Rick Ross would seem to have a certain degree of momentum going into this, his third album… except for the fact that it was revealed last year that he used to be a cop. Or rather, a corrections officer. Which might actually be worse than being a cop, in that you occasionally have to witness guys jerking off, and fucking each other in the ass, and some of them might even fling their poo at you, as if they were monkeys.

    haaa, Yeah 50 needs to do some dumb shit, nobody cares anymore because they know he’s no longer thuggin or hustling for real, he’s got to much money to be stupid. But he should at least start punching dudes in the face or something, only a straight bitch would rat on somebody duking it out with knuckles at the same time it would be a huge embarrassment to Rickey Lake if he got fucked up.

  • geico lizard

    You forgot the part where the guard agree to check the prisoners ass for contraband. That should be a deal breaker for most men taking that job or not.

    MSNBC PRISON SHOWS >> HBO PRISON SHOWS

  • Worley

    “or stab him with a fork (would gravy come out?)”

    Damn good question.

  • Josh

    “Best case scenario, maybe he’ll have one of his weed carriers snatch Rick Ross’ chain, or stab him with a fork (would gravy come out?), or slap one of his kids.”

    And this is why Byron is the king of the internets…

  • sealsaa

    “unless one of those people is T.I. HA!”

    LOL

    • Pierzy

      Yeah, that shit was funny as hell

  • macdatruest

    Bol, you da truth mane. The Cop is telling The Rat to come with better Info next time. But I’m going for Ross on this one

  • http://www.myspace.com/crockerishiphop Crocker

    That was lovely Bol. Way throw ur weight behind a fellow fat fuck. And I couldn’t think of a more amusing scenario than this: The Snitch Vs. The C.O. Black Child’s Bitch Vs. Khaled’s Coniferous-Shaped Cunt. Let the Gay Gangsta Gala begin.

  • http://www.rizzleworld.blogspot.com allnice

    If you wanna get Fiddy do like how Diddy and Fat Joe did him and fuck with his money. He fucked his money on that Mase deal and made Fiddy pay for that nigga while he was eating off Mase. Then he made the Press Play and ate of that and silenced that nigga with that pressure on your neck shit talking about how he richer. Then Fat Joe made a ton of money of 50 dissing him and shit. Camron also got paid of that nigga. That was probably the beginning of the end for Fiddy. All you gotta do is fuck that nigga money up or joke about how ugly he is and you got him.

    The beef is gonna be one sided in Ross direction cause he running with them DJ Khaled and Fat Joe niggaz. Plus Lil Wayne is also affliated with them niggaz. 50 only got himself cause Em and them niggaz is scared. He gonna fuck around and be the only nigga to catch the shrapnel after they destroy his career and do that nigga like MC Hammer.

  • zino

    its da bawse all day fam!!!

  • Juzzy

    50 anyday over Ross

    • Chris S

      yeah…but thats not saying much

  • amar

    hey bol, usually i take what your paranoid ass says with a grain of salt, but u may be onto something here

    i think the ti’s realized 50 went up against kanye and couldn’t win…twice?…and so now they finally lowered the bar. All they need is for fiddy to go up against a rapper with a little bit of street cred and popularity within the hip hop community and some main stream exposure. That way when 50 wins, he can steal that main stream exposure and sell some records. Who better for the thug businessman who got popped 9 times to go up against than the fat cop who probably likes donuts?

    good move by the ti’s, but not really, cause i’m pretty sure 50′s gonna sell even less records with this one than before and get even worse reviews than before too.

    • valdez

      ^^^hmmmm?

  • Mr. 306

    Honestly I’m getting so sick of your posts. stop bitching about every fucking rapper in the game. do you listen to anyone? keep saying nobody gives a shit about ross or 50 but you’re writing about them. and you wanna keep your job obviously so you write about what people care about. got no business writing on this site man.

    • murK

      co-sign

    • amar

      it’s ironic u say u hate bol’s posts cause he just bitches about rappers sucking…cause this post is actually about 50…who…makes music bitching about…rappers sucking

      omg bol is the 50 cent of xxlmag.com?!?!

  • http://tonygrands.blogspot.com tony grand$

    I’m bored with the shit too Bol, that’s exactly what it is. That “beef” shit is played, simply for the fact that, unlike the 90′s, a nigga can’t just walk up to his rival & punch in the temple. He’ll either get A)shot down like a useless horse or B)sued. That type of aesthetic is dull.

    Couple that lack of pizazz with these cats void of actual skill, & it’s like lunchtime @ a continuation middle school, ur just waitin for sumn dumb to happen so u don’t fall the fuck asleep.

    My moneys on Rhymefest kicking snot out The HedgeHog.

    & for some reason, I think this may be 50 best album out in a while. Idk why. Maybe wishful thinking.

    • capcobra

      what up champ….it’s almost time…lol

    • http://tonygrands.blogspot.com tony grand$

      *Tony & Cap meet in the center of squared circle, makin small talk as they await audience arrival-they shake hands*

      Aight, I knew u were comin, bruh!!! Now, if u look @ my last statement, u’ll notice slight change in opinion.

      Maybe I gave him credit in the wrong direction. Still not tappin out just yet, but I can SORTA feel what u were gettin @, sucka! Lookin @ his standpoint historically, he may deserve a lil more credit, if only for flamboyant strategery.

      But, look @ what he’s doin now. I can’t be all that wrong………

  • Jhon da Analyst

    This shit is just dumb. Lyrically they both suck. Jabs – 50. Checkin ass cracks – Ross. This is a toss up!!

  • Detroit P

    I used to watch a lot of those prison specials on HBO back in the ’90s. Nullus.)

    translation: “I used to watch Oz”

  • ceaser paciotti

    just another publicity stunt. ross was on shade 45 popping that yang. u think if they really were beefing he would give his rival shine time on a station that is owned/controlled by his mentor/affiliate? 50 Could have easily flexed his muscle and shut down a ross appearance on shade 45. ross’s maybach music imprint is under the def jam umbrella. 50 is on interscope. both labels are under the universal music group umbrella. more money for universal- same scheme they used for the 50 kanye showdown. the ti’s always win.

  • BIGNAT

    “stab him with a fork (would gravy come out?), or slap one of his kids.”
    hahahhaa thats some crazy shit

  • paychexx

    that shit was funny….too highlights to point out. lol!

  • mike

    Bol, you is hilarious. But definitely on point, Fisty scent smelling like rat shit right about now. He’s a clownass bird, can’t wait to this niggah is up the fuck outta here. Niggahs talking about he end careers, Kanye ended that niggah’s career. Fisty is a mark. Niggahs rhymes is wack and corny. Rick Ross gonna lock that snitch niggah the fuck up for the 09! And you right, he sounding emotional like LL did against Canibus, talking all that killah shit, and ain’t going to harm fly.

  • brand-new

    it’s a smart thing to do by possibly bringing em and dre into it. all 3 have albums coming out this year and beef always sells.

    • DV8

      Dre is too old for this shit and would look mighty dumb “beefin” over 40, and Em is not that dude, no matter how ill he is in the booth, he is not gonna throw down if he so happen to run into Ross & Co at a industry function. This beef shit is stupid. Niggaz need to grow the fuck up.

  • kingequality

    are we the only group of people that look down on people for having a good job that some straight up ignorant shit every rapper talking bout being king pins and killers are straight up frauds but do we diss them do we keep buying all the same bull shit this rap shit is starting not to even sound like music anymore what happen to skills and creativity we are the fans its up to us to demand better

    • http://tonygrands.blogspot.com tony grand$

      @ kingequality

      I agree. Its funny how to me the fantasy aspect of (c)Rap is so flimsy. On one hand cats will idolize a nigga who can’t possibly do all the things he brags about. If he was that active, wouldn’t be no way in hell ppl would go to his shows & want to be around a sociopathic maniac.

      Then you have cats like Ross who refuse to admit that he was a productive member of society. He’d rather lie, even after he got exposed, about being this supercriminal. He could’ve have easily said what mad dudes keep saying. “Aint shit wrong with havin a job, yes that’s how I fed my family, this is ENTERTAINMENT, yada yada”. Feel me, stand up for the regular niggas who live life in the center lane.

      Ignorant niggas are mad that he was a CO, I don’t get it, maybe its bcuz I’m far from a criminal. But I think stand up cats are pissed bcuz he can crush the nonsense by being a man. Not a follower.

      Basically, (c)Rap music is worse than the movie industry, bcuz for whatever reason mufucks think the crime novel, mob story, serial killa bullshit shit is real, so actual, real life is frowned upon.

      That shit is ultra retardo.

      • TEZZY

        ^^^ WHY DO NIGGAS DO THIS

  • Shawty J

    Damn good post, Bol! LMAOed throughout the whole thing.

  • TEZZY

    man most of these nigaas on this site is lame man these niggas write a whole scenario out and shit is just fucking stupid what the fuck are you analyizing nigga just bump the shit and go about your buisness if you like it cool if not cool but all this extra shit do ya’ll niggas listen to music for entertainment cause thats what its for niggas keep talking bout back in the day man didnt nobody give a fuck about what those rappers was doing in they personally life man if the shit was good you was bumpin it point blank nobody gave a fuck that tupac wasnt thuggin back in the day and he was on some theater shit danceing with humpty hump they just bump the shit its YALL niggas thats getting lame not all of ya’ll and i know somebody feel me on that shit niggas been going back and fourth since the rap shit started get over it the battle shit is NEVER gonna end

  • mike

    what do you mean noone gives a shit about 50s album. you are a rap website. try learning about rap you dumb fucker. 50 is huge and you suck cock