Akon’s Peter Pan Complex

Let me find out Akon been chillin in Neverland.

R&B star AKON has no idea how old he is.  His birth certificate suggests he was born in April, 1977, which makes him 31 – but he refuses to believe he’s that old; in 2006, he told one interviewer he was 25.

And the Smack That hitmaker tells the Associated Press he has no interest in checking his age: “All it’s going to do is depress me. I don’t want to know I’m getting older. Then I’ll start to think about getting check-ups and insurance. I don’t want that.” The Senegalese star adds, “In Africa… age is not important. They don’t care. I feel like I’m 21 right now, and I’ll be 21 for the next 10 years.”Akon, Associated Press via Bossip

This nigga Akon suffers from that Dikembe Mutombo disease, and I ain’t talkin bout malaria. Mutombo still runnin around tellin sorority chicks he only 31. His player card says he’s 45. His grandchildren say he’s gotta be at least 8 hyena.

That’s 56 in people years.

If Akon’s a little Young Buck “kunfroosed,” all he needed to do was ask. The New Balance Talent will gladly help! I’m a generous motherfucker like that. I’ll tell you all how old he is: too damn old to be re-enacting WWE moves on his pubescent fans. Didn’t they put a 12 year-old boy away for life behind that same exact shit?

Speaking of kids, he’s also too old to be dry-humping children on the damn stage. I don’t care if it’s Carnival. You ain’t fuckin Elephant Man. Do the whiny chorus thing and keep it the fuck movin. I know she didn’t look 11, or whatever the fuck age her triflin ass was, but when in the public eye you must know better.

[Blogger’s Note: Like T.I. and the Adventures of the Nappy Dugout… also on Bossip.]

So, Akon means to tell us that after all these hit records and notorious car-theft rings and shit he still ain’t got no damn health insurance? What is he, a blogger? Could someone please remind this nigga he ain’t been in Africa for like 20 years? It’s okay to go to the damn doctor. There must be some other inconvenient truths he’s trying to hide from… like blood test results.

[Blogger’s Note: You don’t have to be back in the motherland to get that monster, but it helps.]

Don’t believe the hype. Akon knows how old he is. All he had to do was count the stripes on the zebra in the backyard. The sad part is that 31 is his Dominican ball player age. A nigga know damn well from whenever they started counting, that he wasn’t fuckin 7 years old with a goatee and a kid on the way. I know the mandingo power of the original man is what makes us all great, but no.

I’ll bet a tray of fufu that dude is 36 and playin himself. This nigga was sellin programs and fake lion skin at the Ali-Foreman fight. Check When We Were Kings.

Questions? Comments? Requests? Need to be carbon dated? ron@ronmexicocity.com

P.S.: I didn’t come to be king. I came to hate. From the root to the fruit.

P.S.S.: I’m sorry, champ! I-I took that belt… and I put it in my ARM! *sniffle*

  • Szasure

    Mexico – Negro Please what you the champ of hating

    • http://www.ronmexicocity.com Ron Mexico

      1. yes.

      2. watch “ali” on someone else’s premium cable to know what i’m talking about there.

  • giantstepp

    “There must be some other inconvenient truths he’s trying to hide from… like blood test results.”

    Ooooooh snap. You still busting shots Mex.

  • Pierzy

    Akon & Mutombo should just hang at the old-timers’ day with Jim Brown and George Gervin.

  • $ykotic

    “His grandchildren say he’s gotta be at least 8 hyena.

    That’s 56 in people years.”

    The “Etherer” strikes!

    “fake lion skin” HAHAHAHAAAAAA

    I’m high laughing. Good ish Mex.

  • BIGNAT

    “I’ll bet a tray of fufu that dude is 36 and playin himself. This nigga was sellin programs and fake lion skin at the Ali-Foreman fight.”
    hahahahah this and the hyena line was killing me. you gotta back off on Mutombo though his old ass was still playing better than most big guys in the league.

    • http://www.ronmexicocity.com Ron Mexico

      i love mutombo. still.

  • El Tico Loco

    All he gotta do is say his age before someone else airs him out, he didn’t learn from Officer Ross.

  • amar

    he obviously wants to bang super young chicks with getting as much shit from ppl. Why can’t he just be old and fuck young bitches like a normal rich african?

    i gotta hand it to him, he looks good for a 40+ year old. Look at lil wayne: the dude is in his early to mid 20′s and sounds like a pregnant 58 year old after a shot of balsamic viniger

  • geico lizard

    The worst part is that he has wives and kids but no life insurance so he is an asshole for not thinking about his families futures.

  • Dub Sac

    Fool, you’re getting older regardless of a doctor’s visit. If you can’t deal, then I feel sorry for everyone around you that has to deal with your delusions.

    I also love the line that his birth certificate “suggests” that he was born in 77. Did they figure it was between 75 and 79 and just take the average?

  • http://tonygrands.blogspot.com tony grand$

    Will some fuckin body tell this nigga he’s in America now!

    “Give us frreeeeee!” Ol’ Amistad refugee ass shit-for brains! He always talkin that ‘gwalla gwalla’ senegal shit (no disrespect to Senegal). I wish Obama would keepin yappin bout how the monkeys in Kenya babysit the children @ huntin time.

    That’s his scapegoat, shit is lame. Aint no fuckin robotvoice boxes in the jungle, he wasn’t even in no car theft ring. Dude was stealin mules pullin banana wagons.

    Some fly ass white girl got this nigga smellin his Drakkar waaaaaaay too much. No insurance, TF?! How a grown man, successful @ that, admit that shit like its what’s up? Niggas a fuckin jerk!

    I’m headed to Best buy right now, steal as many copies of his shit that I can, & sell ‘em on Slauson & Western Ave for a buck apiece. Then give the money to the first drug addict I see.

    & yall know I don’t even be hatin on niggas like that.

    Word to Bernie Mac, this cat makes my ass itch.

    • $ykotic

      Brah u and Mexx made my day.

      “Give us frreeeeee!” OMFG!!!

      “Dude was stealin mules pullin banana wagons.”

      “Word to Bernie Mac, this cat makes my ass itch.”

      see why I shouted U?

      The crew is here in my crib burning lettuce laughing our guts out over this one.

    • http://www.myspace.com/emcdlthemusicprofile EmCDL

      @ Tony Grand$

      Dude you hillarious!

      “Word to Bernie Mac, this cat makes my ass itch.”

      LMAO!!!

      And word to Akon–nicca you betta get up on some damn health insurance, sit ya ass down and stop messin with them preteen girls. We don’t do shit like that in America homie (well not any sensible man anyway)

  • paychexx

    like meth in HOW HIGH, “GET HIM!”

    ether that old ass nigga, mex

  • Shawty J

    Good stuff, Ronnie!

    “Could someone please remind this nigga he ain’t been in Africa for like 20 years?”

    Not only does he lie about his age, he lies about being from Africa. Sure his family is from there, and he has strong ties. But I wikipediaed, this brother, he was born in St. Louis. His father moved to America in 72, Akon was born in 77, he’s been a U.S. Citizen his entire life.

    So you’re right, there’s no excuse for him to not have health insurance.

    • http://www.ronmexicocity.com Ron Mexico

      SAY WHAT?! BOO THIS MAN!!!!!

      i can’t believe akon lied to us! (snicker snicker)

      • amar

        from what i remember, he was born in st. louis but immediately moved to africa and lived there a lot though…it’s not where ur from but where u pay rent like big boi said

  • THAT DUDE

    HE SHOULD COME CLEAN ABOUT HIS AGE BUT ALL YOU COONS OF AFRICAN DESCENT SOUND DUMB WITH THE AFRICAN JOKES.
    THE WHOLE PLACE ISN’T A SAFARI & IT’S A CONTINENT NOT A COUNTRY.
    ALI & FOREMAN FOUGHT IN ZIMBABWE NOT SENEGAL YOU DICK’S.
    England’s language & culture is different from FRANCE’S,GERMANY’S or SPAIN’S but they’re all european.
    I HAVE NEVER HEARD CRACKER’S HERE DOWNING EUROPE NO MATTER WHAT CUZ THEY KNOW THAT’S WHERE THEY COME FROM!
    IT’S 2009, WAKE UP! OR SHUT UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    • http://tonygrands.blogspot.com tony grand$

      Its a safari to us, Madagascar part 2. A jungle AND a desert. Any civilization where wildlife outnumbers ppl, that’s exactly what it is. Ur on the wrong website. Hit up national geopgraphic or some shit!

      Ha! Its not about Africa or Europe, its about that douche nozzle child molester actin like he lives on Neverland Ranch. All other countries/continents are purely collateral damage.

      Unbunch ur panties, in know Zamunda got its share of probs but don’t spaz on us.

      Get over urself, & lay off the caps lock button. Jerk.

  • THAT DUDE

    YOUR A FOOL ASS NEGRO WHO AIN’T WORTH MY RESPONSE BUT I HAD TO COMMENT ON SOMETHIN’.

    LAME’S LIKE YOU WHO PROBABLY SITTING AROUND WITH YOUR QUEER CREW THANKING THE LORD YOU HAVE A COMPUTER SO YOU CAN TYPE OUT ALL THE THINGS YOU COULD NEVER & WOULD NEVER SAY TO A BROTHA’S FACE.SOULJA BOY SOUNDIN’ MOTHERFUCKER.
    I’LL USE CAPS WHENEVER I DAMN WELL PLEASE FAGGOT!!!!!

    • http://www.ronmexicocity.com Ron Mexico

      i’m really just fuckin around. i got love and respect for the ‘land.

      i’d think that to be apparent in the commentary as it clearly can’t really be taken seriously.

      now you got me breakin code. hollering outside of needing tube socks and white tees.

      see? did it again.

    • FlapJack

      “I’LL USE CAPS WHENEVER I DAMN WELL PLEASE FAGGOT!!!!!”

      hahahah! keep capslocking, and I’ll keep reading in DJ Khaled-voice.
      mad cause you got aids in the ass

      • http://tonygrands.blogspot.com tony grand$

        Ahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!

  • http://tonygrands.blogspot.com tony grand$

    1) Grown ass man. I don’t have a crew, I left that @ high school spearchucker. I have a family. U have pr0n.

    2)Ur just salty bcuz u can’t catch that giraffe for breakfast.

    Oh well, I’m enjoyin my McMuffin. Only homosexual preteens run round tell ppl what they’ll do if they damn well please. Bwaaaaahahahahahahahahahahaha. I’m not worth ur response, yeah right, like u have sumn else to do!

    Who’s a fruitcake d’luxe?

    *THAT DUDE*

    U lose chump. Get away from the grown folk table. Ur only 2 hyena old.

    Peace, & Acunamatada to u & urs.

    • http://tonygrands.blogspot.com tony grand$

      @ THAT GAL,

      Please excuse any typo’s. I’m sure ur havin a hard enough time speakin & readin english without my simple mistakes gettin u all Young Buck.

      Sorry bout that Mandela. Wouldn’t wanna be the reason u walk into 2nd period ESL with a headache.

  • http://www.theblackgenius.com Fresh Jacobs

    OMG!!! “His grandchildren say he’s gotta be at least 8 hyena.” *DEAD* MY MAN… What the hell do you smoke to come up with this sheeeit? I need that, Yesterday! Good sh*t Ron!

  • DV8

    Ron Mexico = The Real Ether Boy (No AutoTune)

  • gerald n. the birdman

    AKON sang on the Fugees Score record which came out in 96′, thirteen years ago. So according to Akon, he would have been about 11 yrs old at the time? I think not.

  • iGotOnMyBackpack79

    Akon was on The Score album back in 96. If he was born in 77 that would’ve made him 18 at the time the album was released. Dude could honestly be 31 because Lauryn was 20 at the time of release and she was born in 75.

  • escobar9300

    “This nigga Akon suffers from that Dikembe Mutombo disease, and I ain’t talkin bout malaria.”

    hahahaha Ronnie that shit had me fuckin ROLLIN! Keep this shit coming

  • FlapJack

    Age isn’t important in africa, in Senegal they actually count down from 30.

  • http://www.yahoo.com Dra$t-iQ Alkoholik

    that 8 hyena shit had me rollin

  • Feel76

    “In Africa… age is not important. They don’t care. I feel like I’m 21 right now, and I’ll be 21 for the next 10 years.”

    I suppose Akon was referring to Senegal in particular when he mentioned this. But I’m sure it isn’t true. Age matters in Africa, just like everywhere else. I’m from South Africa but I don’t believe the rest of Africans are that ignorant about age.

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