2008 Negro Please Awards III: The Final Call

[Back to 2008 Negro Please Awards Part 2]

Ron Mexico: At this time we ask that you direct your attention to screen #1 as we present a Lifetime Achievement Award to our longest-running sponsor.

Try our new Recession Combos!

Try our new Recession Combos!

Popeye’s Spokeswoman: Hopefully all that reading and hard thinking you’ve been doing at Negro Please this year hasn’t made you too uppity to get your face a little greasy. In fact, we hope it’s worked up a hunger like never before. That’s why we’re proud to present, in time for the inauguration of our first Black President, our new Recession Combos!

Every 2pc.-14pc. (yes, some of you eat 14 pieces) Recession Combo comes with your choice of any TWO mouth-watering side-orders and a large Hennessy. A portion of each combo’s proceeds will go to The College Fund for Coloreds, an organization that’s been helping your people pay for higher education since higher education meant stepping it up from manual to cotton gin. *smiles proudly* *steps down from podium*

Ron Mexico: I don’t know that white bitch and have never taken a dime from Popeye’s Chicken in my life. *dabs forehead with handkerchief* That’s about some serious shameless shit right there.

*now reading prompter* As Blent approaches, the Negro Please staff and everyone at Ron Mexico City would like to wish you a safe and happy time of reflection.

Much like Kwanzaa, Blent is some shit me and my niggas made up to feel better about being disenfranchised coloreds. Once meaning “Blunted and Bent,” Blent now combines “Black” with “Lent” in observance of a 40-day period of lament and reflection that extends from Martin Luther King weekend through short-ass Black History month. As we prepare for Blent 2009, let us take a moment to ponder all that has made us sad in our blackness throughout the year that was.

Crowd: *mumbling about baby mamas/daddies, reality television, WSHH, bitch niggas, etc.*

Ron Mexico: Amen, my brothers and sisters. Before we announce the NP Fashion Award, let’s take a word from another sponsor on screen #3.

Where swirl-offenders are punished... with gay rumors.

Where swirl-offenders are punished... with gay rumors.

Bossip Staff: We fucks with Ron Mexico and all, but his suit at the NP awards is lookin a lil Jamie Foxx Show-ish, don’t you think? Check out Mexico and Dana Jacobson getting all hugged up right in front of Jemele Hill. Ouch. Plus, Kanye shows his pee pee and more after the jump!

Ron Mexico: I like what you said about my coat, Bossip. It’s made entirely of Keyshia Cole’s weave leavings. Anyway… Please welcome our next presenter, Diddy!

Diddy: Yeah. Yeah. Whattup, young world? *holding NP award* We did it! Ciroc Obama is President! *holds up Ciroc bottle* We finally here!

Now, as y’all know… Not everybody shit is fly as my Sean John Spring 09 Catalogue. Some of these niggas need to get up on this low-cost Enyce shit I’m about to put out this summer too. *tosses Enyce striped long-sleeve from 1998 into crowd* Yeah. Take that! Take that!

Crowd: *parting as if avoiding Kanye sperm* *grumbling about not picking up moth ball-smellin Enyce shit*

Diddy: The stylistically offensive nominee niggas is as follows: Jay-Z and his Supherhead Beads!

<APPLAUSE sign flashes, crowd obliges>

Jim Jones’ “Stolen” Rock Star Swag

<APPLAUSE sign flashes, crowd obliges>

Kanye West’s Conan Collection!

<APPLAUSE sign flashes, crowd moans>

Yung Berg’s Transformers Chain!

<APPLAUSE sign flashes, crowd obliges enthusiastically>

Soulja Boy Tellem’s “Tattoos and Ice”

<APPLAUSE sign flashes, crowd obliges>

And the winner is… *opens envelope* Awwww shit. BAWWWLLLINNNNNN!!!!! My nigga, Jim Jooooooones!

Announcer: This is the second nomination and first Negro Please Awards victory for Jim Jones

Jim Jones: *climbs up to stage* *scratches ass then nuts* Yea. I ain’t even think I was gonna get nothin to be honest. Cam ain’t get nominated! Cam ain’t get no awards. Who carryin’ the weed NOW, Killa? Who carryin the weed NOW?! Haaaaaaa! *pops bottle of champagne, spraying front few rows*

I ain’t even gon’ stunt tho. I need to thank Hot Topic for these belts and charms and shit. They always got what a nigga need for that rock star swag, ya dig? I got these skulls on my shit… *pauses* AYO, JUELZ! Get yo’ ass up here, nigga! Stop ackin like a fuckin dweeb and show everybody them new skulls you got from Hot Topic.

Juelz Santana: *climbing to stage* Yeah, these them new iced-out skull heads. Y’all already know. Skull Gang all day! *presents Hot Topic skulls* Step ya Hot Topic game up, for reals. We ain’t playin this year. A! *tries to return to seat*

Jim Jones: *grabbing Juelz by skull chain* Ayo, where the fuck you goin, bee?

Juelz Santana: I was about to go back to my–

Jim Jones: You ain’t goin nowhere til I say so. Now hold this award until I’m finished.

Juelz Santana: *grumbling under breath* Stankin-ass nigga.

Diddy: *laughing* THAT’S how you mold an artist!

Male Voice in Crowd: GET YOUR HAND OUTTA MY POCKET! *crowd commotion* THIS NIGGA HAND IN MY POCKET!!! I DON’T BE FUCKIN PLAYIN LIKE THAT!!! FUCK OUTTA HERE–

Ron Mexico: Oh, shit. I done seen this movie before. *dips backstage*

Male Voice: THAT NIGGA RIGHT THERE! *points in Diddy’s direction* HAND IN MY POCKET!!!

Woman: He’s got a chair! *Male Voice stands to hurl chair at Puffy* *Woman jumps in front of chair taking full aluminum facial*

Diddy: CASSIE!!! NOOOOOOO!!!!! *jumps over Cassie and onto stage*

Chair Tosser: GET THE FUCK BACK DOWN HERE, NIGGA! *tosses another chair, hitting Diddy in back*

Jim Jones: Is that… *peeking from stage* Oh, shit! This nigga G-Dep throwin chairs! *hides under podium*

Juelz Santana: Oh, shit! Why he look like a rabid wolverine? *tries to join Jimmy under podium*

Jim Jones: *kicking Juelz away* Ain’t no room under here, nigga. Go find your own podium and shit!

Juelz Santana: *after hurling microphone in general direction of melee* UGH!!! I’m hit!

*screaming and trampling ensue, no one makes Special Delivery joke, police don’t arrive… ever*

  • http://www.myspace.com/emcdlthemusicprofile EmCDL

    Shit is Hillarious!!!!!!

  • macdatruest

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h6NvaHCKh6o
    Put Curtis Young on there. This nigga is an idiot hahaha “Like Stevie I Wonder” Damn Dre…detox ya seed he on heavy cocaina

  • macdatruest

    I love G-Unit

    • macdatruest

      But you should put Dr. Dre son on here:
      http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h6NvaHCKh6o

      Nigga makin a SDN championship run…detox THIS cokehead nigga asap!! lmao

    • macdatruest

      but I love Yayo the most. he’s my grand dad!

  • http://hiphoponmymind.blogspot.com DJ Daddy Mack

    its bad boy baby!!!

  • Drank King Productions

    Woman: He’s got a chair! *Male Voice stands to hurl chair at Puffy* *Woman jumps in front of chair taking full aluminum facial*

    Diddy: CASSIE!!! NOOOOOOO!!!!! *jumps over Cassie and onto stage*

    LMAO! That shit was hilarious!

  • geico lizard

    I wouldnt fuck dana jacobson with suzy kolbers dick!

  • Shawty J

    Good closer.

    “Male Voice in Crowd: GET YOUR HAND OUTTA MY POCKET! *crowd commotion* THIS NIGGA HAND IN MY POCKET!!! I DON’T BE FUCKIN PLAYIN LIKE THAT!!! FUCK OUTTA HERE

    Ron Mexico: Oh, shit. I done seen this movie before. *dips backstage*”

    This part definitely made me LMAO.

  • machinko

    *dead*

    i need a cigarette

  • amar

    hahaha kanye sperm…

    i’m still waiting for lil wang to make an apperance at these awards. And if i’m not mistaken soulja boy hasn’t showed up either yet? Man the party’s just begining

  • Dub Sac

    What better way to end a hip-hop award show…

  • DV8

    LMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

    Hot Topic Truck Jewels?
    Sponsored by Popeye’s? (I love that chicken and I’m not ashamed about it)

    Blent= Twosted (read: twisted and toasted, thats old school West Coast shit)

    Jim Jones: “Who carrying the weed now Cam, huh?”

    this shit was hella funny
    *wipes tears of laughter from eyes*

  • Jamal7Mile

    This is KWAZY!!!!

    I love it! It take a whole lot to make a dude like me cry (laughing, yall). I predict a rapper is gonna shout this post out sometime this year!

    THE FINAL CALL??? Naw Mex, I need more of this shit right HERE!

    **Hot Topic** that’s a Westcoast producer, right? What’s up with The Fixxers????

    • DV8

      No there is a rapper named Topic outhere but thats not what Ron Mex talking about. Hes talking about that store in the mall usually frequented by teenage girls.

  • Pierzy

    Kudos on a great post, Mex!

    “Ciroc Obama is President!”

    ^^^^^^^^^^^^^
    Hahahahahaha

  • G-UNOT KILLA

    Creative & Funny would’ve loved to Co-Wrote some of this w/you but you are definitly one talented brotha keep doing ya thing.

    • amar

      lol is this an imposter? or is this like when lil jon pauses in the dave chappelle skit and starts talking like an educated dude with a deep voice?

      • Pana

        Ha! shit amar you took the wordds right outta my mouth. and Ron, Ive been keepin up with this shit since the tournament pleeeeaase dont let this be how you end this awards show….

    • Szasure

      After the show I seen G-Unot Killa @the House of Blues with Rupaul and Ms.J talking about change and promoting his new line of purple lipstick.

      • Smel

        LLS

  • Jhon da Analyst

    Shit……..on Tuesdays here Popeye’s has a 2-piece for .99 I usually get (2). Total $2.13. Spicy Only…….Oh yeah get me some honey and hotsauce please!!!!!! Me and Dave Chappelle both love chicken…:)

    • DV8

      co-sizzle

      2 for $1 Tuesday is a ritual.

  • LEO

    LMAO

  • giantstepp

    LMAO….slow down Mex, U killin’em! Good shit Dogg.

    Soulja Boy Tell’em “Tattoos and Ice” line is going down in infamy. That shit can argubly beat out any coonery from 08 from anybody. Now, dont get me wrong. Plenty of Niggas “ethered” themselves and careers in 08. But to me, Soulja Boy Tell’em had a level of consistency all year with his coonery up until the very last week of 08 that wass UNMATCHED. Factor in the fact that he flopped hard to end the year deserves NP awards out the ass. Mex, I demand a recount!!!

  • giantstepp

    This fool Soulja Boy Tell’em thanked the slave master for “Tattoos and Ice”?? WTF! Nigga didnt even have enough since to say money, houses, women, cars. Thanking the slave master for anything is unacceptable, but he said Tattoos and Ice? WOW. Im putting SB up against anybody with that one line. Remember also that no one had the consistency he had either.

  • NAWLEDGE

    I guess Diddy got G-Dep’s Special Dilivery.

    LOL

  • Mike Crown

    This Blent I will reflect on how much Barack Obama’s face is overused in advertising. Today I saw a pic of his face on someone’s body break dancing. Not a good look.

  • Matt Herbz

    Yo for reals, I’m dipping. This fighting bullshit seems to just follow me around. Proof that you can’t take niggaz nowhere. I’m a get in the Esky, pass Popeye’s and hit up Cheesecake Factory for some Chicken and Dumplings. Plus, I’m a tell the waiter to toss that ol bullshit ass brown bread, make my shit Sourdough ONLY! I’m a peep XXL in the morning to see the awards tally. Peace!

    –Matt Herbz–

  • BIGNAT

    Every 2pc.-14pc. (yes, some of you eat 14 pieces) Recession Combo comes with your choice of any TWO mouth-watering side-orders and a large Hennessy AND THE BLENT SHIT HAHAAHA INSTANT CLASSIC

  • $ykotic

    To the “Etherer”:

    Without you this site is just “L”. Bloody good humor, lad.