The Breakup

What the hell did Alexis Phifer do to Kanye West to be dismissed with a simple: “I don’t think this is going to work out anymore”? That pathetic breakup line is right up there with, “We need space” and “It isn’t you, it’s me.” Man, every female past her 18th birthday knows (or should know) that an unexplained breakup usually means her hungry boo has moved onto the next appetizer on the buffet.

But when your left hand is weighed down by a gem so big “it could pass for a bubble gum bauble” and you’re wrestling with hyphenating your last name (Alexis Phifer-West) or completely taking your man’s (Alexis West), you’d expect much more from your groom-to-be. I repeat: You expect it. But you don’t always get it, but I digress.

For months, I’ve waited patiently for the truth, a.k.a Miss New Booty, to make an appearance at an airport—maybe she’s a ride-or-die chick down to smash a paparazzo’s camera at LAX. Maybe MNB would shake a set of silicone double Ds in an accidentally leaked, widely-viewed video. Or maybe the new girl would shield her face after a wayward lens zoomed in for her reaction to ’Ye’s Auto-Tune mishap on Saturday Night Live.

No such luck. There’s an information drought, which forced me to reluctantly abandon the MNB theory. So I listened to the extremely whiny 808s & Heartbreak for clues, codes and name calling. There are a few jabs at being heartless, cold as winter and turning into “RoboCop,” but nothing specifically indicates what invisible sensor Alexis tripped to earn the fashionista a one-way ticket to Ex-Ville.

We all know that Kanye is on some other ish in the public eye, so imagine what Mr. Emo, I mean, Mr. West is like behind closed doors when the Millionaire shades come off. He probably goes all Ralph Tresvant with extreme sensitivity.

Someone please tell me the truth, did Alexis borrow the Louis Vuitton Don’s fave Louie bag without permission? Did she suggest that he change the name of his clothing line—Pastelle—to something with a more masculine ring? Or did she, like the rest of us, get the flu on his super-sized ego and annoying tantrums (which, technically, no one is allowed to have after age five) and call the engagement off? Hmm…

I think Miss Alexis Phifer decided that it’s better to discuss new trends in trousers at Fashion Week with “Kanye the Friend,” than watch “Kanye the Husband” spazz about her hogging up his precious mirror time and closet space. –Aya Tay

  • geico lizard

    I think she asked him to stop cheating on her and with his ego he thinks he should have as many concubines as he can afford. Alexis has a child with another guy so she has baggage to bring to relationships. Yeezy made an album about her being wrong to him and that is better than putting hands on her and going to jail.

    If your ex cheated on your and lied then you probably pray she develops breast cancer,cervical cancer and catches herpes and hepatitis c but under no circumstances do you hit her or grab her in anyway or you will be in jail. So kanye is trying to use his music as therapy to get over his ex and his mothers death.

    • valdez

      if u listen to the song “bad news” on 808s, it shouldn’t be too hard to figure out what happened.

      she was cheating on ye. apparently he found out about dude and he confronted her about him. she said they were just friends and she had just met him. then ye finds out they were apparently MUCH more than just friends and had been for quite some time.

      did anyone listen to the cd??

  • Pierzy

    I think it’s flipped – since he’s “heartbroken” I would guess that she was cheating on him.

  • DV8

    Someone please tell me the truth, did Alexis borrow the Louis Vuitton Don’s fave Louie bag without permission?

    LMAO…..

    She must be something else in the sack? Cuz Kanye is buggin.

  • http://dronkmunk.com dronkmunk

    Yes! Let’s Gossip some!

  • amar

    i think she broke up with him

    it’s hard to keep a relationship when your man is out all the time and is more obsessed with purses than u are

  • El Tico Loco

    He was using her MAC in the back of the Maybach. Last straw!

  • Worley

    Ah forget that broad. Just buy a new one.

  • http://www.incilin.blogspot.com Incilin

    You touched on why she left, despite making great music (minus 808s), dude is fuckin ANNOYING! He’s a baby with a huge ego who throws tantrums. She left him because he’s winny and a baby, and what did he do? Make an album where he winned like a baby. It’s not that she left him and he made 808s, 808s was made for the same reason she left him.

  • dat dude

    Yo baby looks good, she just need’s to hook up with an R&B dude. That new dude LeMarvin might be right up her alley. Son can sing. I like his song “Too Many Patrons”. I think the new name of his album is Confusion – check out his website: http://www.myspace.com/lemarvin

  • http://www.theunderwriters.blogspot.com THE UNDERWRITER

    Alexis touched it in Miami.

  • 619

    This broad is what he’s bitchin about? HAHAHAHA! She’s not even a notch, barely a nickel. C’mon, Yeezy F., you could do better than that. I knock better dimes and throw them out on the blade. Matter of fact everybody in the Greater L.A., Orange County, or San Diego areas can catch sluggish economy deals on the trim. Sunset Boulie is the place I’m sellin’ dreams every Saturday night between 10 p.m. and 3 a.m. Look for the gold ‘lac with the two bad broads followin’ the taillights with their heads down like they seen some money on the ground.