Me and my Nazi friend saved an old lady’s life

As a grown-ass man with a love of knowledge, I don’t follow sports too closely. Obviously. I enjoy watching a game just like any other straight guy. But if a year goes by before I watch another game, then so be it.

But you know how it is when you drink in bars where mostly only guys hang out[||] and you work in a lower class retail outlet – people always come up to you wanting to talk about sports.

This summer, I was standing around the BGM, minding my own business, when this guy comes up to me and starts talking about the Cardinals. Over the years, I’ve developed a certainly ability to bluff it, so I went ahead and went along with it.

As we were talking, I looked down at his hands, and I noticed he had these little dots tattooed on each one of his fingers. It was in that light green Indian ink shit they use sometimes in the joint, and I figured he might have once been locked up. Then I noticed, on that little flap of skin between his thumb and his index finger, there was a tiny swastika.

At first, I couldn’t help but be taken aback, the way you are any time you see a swastika and it’s not in a History Channel documentary about World War II. (If you’re not from the Midwest, you’ll just have to imagine what I’m talking about.) But this guy didn’t seem racist or anything. After all, he was shooting the shit with me. He actually seemed like one of the cooler people I’ve spoken with the entire time I’ve worked at the BGM.

It could be that he doesn’t have anything against black people; he just hates the Jews. Which is certainly understandable, given the fallout from last week’s post about Peter Rosenberg. (Seriously, one of you guys needs to intellectually pwn me just to restore my faith in Judaism.) And dare I say, it may have even been a sign of the extent to which a black man has come up in this world in the age of Barack Obama.

If it really is, I might have to take back some of the stuff I’ve said about how his presendency will essentially constitute the 8th consecutive term now of Ronald Reagan – albeit not the substance of it. But fine, I’ll tone down some of the rhetoric!

Fast forward about half a year later, to the other day. I’m standing there again, and up walks my Nazi friend from this summer. We start shooting the shit, and I ask him if he’s ready to check out, so I can look busy.

He calls his wife over in the way that only a certain kind of white guy could get away with, and I start ringing them out. But then his wife had some shit that didn’t have a tag on it, so she went to grab another one, so I could scan it with my little light gun. (I know… I should have tried harder in school.)

While she was gone, this woman walked by with the kind of figure that mostly only exists in the imagination of depraved Japanese men, and my Nazi friend was like, “Man, you see some incredible women walking through here!” As I recall, this may have also been a topic of our previous discussion.

Of course, I agreed. When you’ve been reduced to working in a place like that, the least you can do is completely eye rape any woman who walks by who happens to be… shall we say, especially talented. It’s one of the few things that keeps me going these days.

In the line next to mine was this guy with a cop uniform on, but with a dark blue sweater on over his polyester cop shirt, with a shiny medal badge pinned onto it. I couldn’t help but be weirded out by him, because he looked way too fat and too old to be a cop, and yet, he definitely had this huge hand cannon on his hip. He looked like a fatter, more southern Yaphet Kotto.

So I’m standing there talking to my Nazi friend, and all of a sudden he takes off running. I figured he might have had some meth in his pocket, and he was afraid of getting busted by Yaphet Kotto. But then I saw he had run over to where this old lady had all of a sudden tripped and fallen.

He was acting all frantic and shit, and advising her on how she shouldn’t move her neck – like they do in a football game when they think a guy might have a spinal injury. This despite the fact that I’m almost certain that my Nazi friend doesn’t have any more medical training than I do. (Remember, I hold a certificate in food safety that I earned while working at a White Castle.)

I yelled to my Nazi friend whether or not I should call 911, but he obviously wasn’t operating at 100%. So I went ahead and called 911 anyway, since it was obvious she wasn’t gonna get up – either because she, couldn’t, or because my Nazi friend (I really need to find out this guy’s name) told her not to.

911 connected me to the ambulance people, and they kept asking me about the old lady – how old she was, whether she was lucid, etc. I wasn’t at a very good vantage point, so I called over Yaphet Kotto, who was also all up in the mix. I heard him explain that he was a sheriff from down in the city (which explains a lot), and that he was gonna have the situation under control until the ambulance showed up.

Finally, what may have seemed like an hour later (but may have only been 20 minutes later), my Nazi friend came over and paid for his shit. He was like, “Man, this is a crazy day.” And I was like, “Um, yeah, it is.” Then he suggested he should get a discount, for helping the old lady. At first, I thought he was joking, but then I realized he was at least 80% serious.

I explained to him that they don’t allow me to discount shit like that, but if they did, I definitely would. And you know what? I meant it. I already thought he was a cool guy, aside from his Nazi tattoos. But now that we’ve gone through this traumatic experience together, we’ve developed a certain bond, as if we were in ‘Nam together.

To think, if I wasn’t the enlightened individual that I am, I might not have spoken to him in the first place.

  • Matt Herbz

    Damn, Bol. If I were the crying type, I’d shed a tear over this beautiful story of you reaching out and bonding with that White Nigga. Though my organization doesn’t allow skin art, we do sponsor events that bring Black and White Niggaz together for a common cause–one of them being the helping of old ladies in need. Good job, but what’s the fuck this got to do about hip hop, mang?!

    –Matt Herbz–

  • the r

    good story, bol
    GET A REAL JOB, YOU HAVE A DEGREE!

  • amar

    lol nice post bol, entertaining to read

    but have you considered that maybe he’s the edward norton in american history x type who’s reformed from his nazi ways in jail, when he meets a chris tucker-sounding dude while working laundry?

  • Bling D

    Xcuse me bro but why the fuck u writin here bout the story of yo life?? write yo shit on myspace or sumthin – ain’t this site supposed to be bout “Hip Hop On Another Level”? get yo shit straight… fuckin bedside storyteller ma’fucka…

  • paisley

    cool story bro

  • ceedat

    I remember I went to a tatoo parlor and there was this white guy getting his swastika tatoo covered up. He was extra helpful and shit. Maybe the key to racial unity is someone being a racist and then learning the error of their ways.

  • FlapJack

    Nice one Bol.
    I think in prison you kind of have to join the arian brotherhood if you don’t wanna toss salads

  • geico lizard

    “It could be that he doesn’t have anything against black people; he just hates the Jews”In these economic times it makes no sense to hate black people because we dont have any power(minus president elect obama) but jews like bernie madoff can go unregulated for years and scam 50 billion dollars because no one wanted to be called an anti semite by investigating if this guy was actually making money when no one else could in the market.

    If you are white and in jail you join the aryans to stay alive and if you are black you become a muslim to stay alive. Im not sure about latins and hispanics i guess ms13 or latin kings. I think no matter what race you are you can snitch and say you dont feel safe to get into a special unit full of woman beaters and child molesters who normally would be shanked in general population or something i keep missing that episode of lock up on msnbc.

    • 619

      You don’t have to be muslim if you’re black, well I don’t how you do things in the East. As far as Cali goes, we got blacks that still bang their set but they get along for the image of the race. That’s all that matters really is how much respect your race gets from everybody else. As far as Mexicans go they got two groups Surenos(Southsiders) and pisas(border hoppers who don’t really bang). We don’t have Latin Kings out here, and MS-13′s are Surenos. The Mexicans are deep as fuck in the prison system out here, Surenos being the largest gang in South Cali. But besides blacks, whites, and mexicans, their are no other groups. If you’re a different race you’re basically assed out and have to sit at a table with a group considered the “Others”.

      • 619

        MS-13 is a South Cali gang, 13 being the number that represents Southsiders in California. So with their expansion across the country along with the Bloods and Crips expansion, Southern Cali gangs now control most of the country.
        West West

  • Shawty J

    That was a touching story, though certain moments in the narration made me wanna ROFL.

  • giantstepp

    Good drop Bol!

  • Youngz

    Damn, that was interesting, Bol I think u are the one thats gonna bring white n black folks together by focusinf on the common enemy, the TIs :)
    Are u seriously working there?? WTF. Man u need to do sumtin with this bloggin ish, get a tv show, u could be big (no homo)

  • og bobby j

    the real question is…where you threatened by him? Like, if he called you a porch monkey….what could you do? Knowing where you stand if the need to knuckle up came into play is a large factor in how outwardly racist people act. Its the crazy mother fuckers that just dont care that you need to worry about

  • Hate Hate and more Hate

    You should have tapped the old lady falling and put it on youtube. Watching old people fall on there asses is very funny

  • http://www.ronmexicocity.com Ron Mexico

    well, bol. you know, you’re one of the good ones, so maybe a nazi could like you.

    also, they tend to like us more when we’re in positions of servitude.

    eh, i’m just jaded when it comes to neo-nazis. forgive me. i’m sure he’s cool. for all i know he just had to get that tattoo to survive in the joint.

    happy holidays, sir. excellent work on the ebony/ivory old lady save!

    you should have gotted a flick of yaphet kotto for us.

  • BIGNAT

    you know what bol that guy might have had a change from his former life. from the different people i have been around over the years most of them. they keep those tattos to remember how they use to be. this mexican guy from l.a. came to work at my job. he was real cool i took him and his wife around the city just having a good time. he has the speech the look the three dots between the thumb and finger. all these tats on him just like a mexican gangbanger and one day we talking outside of our job. another mexican guy comes up to him looks him up and down. then tells him something in spanish and he starts throwing his fingers up. roscoe thats what he likes to be called told him i am not banging no more homie. he was like i am in nyc now and i away from there and those crazy people. the guy told him he was bitch for leaving his homies and that he don’t have no pride. roscoe simply told him that when he was single and did not have a family of his own he could live that lifestyle. he said when your back windows get shot out with your baby sitting in the back seat. you may change your mind about what you do for the safety of your family. he told him my pride is my famliy they are who i live for i gotta protect them. then the guy said why you keep the tats if you not going represent. he said to remind me of who i was i have changed but i don’t never wanna forget.

  • http://www.myspace.com/crockerishiphop Crocker

    Stories like these Mr. Crawford, that give me hope for my children and my children’s children. Thank you. Oh, and, did you ever know that your my hero?….Nevermind.

  • http://bellasbiz.wordpress.com bella

    good one…lol! but surprised that no one gets that bol’s nazi friend is actually some kind of hindu indian…the swastika has dots….

  • adam

    you sure he wasn’t a jain
    same symbol, and there real peaceful with their shit.

  • black

    lol @ the completly eye-rape any woman comment