Advice for Kanye’s ex

Where’s the feminist anti-hip-hop community when you need them? For years, these ignorant sluts have criticized rappers for talking about bitches and hoes, as if there isn’t a such thing as either of those things, but the one time a rapper makes an entire album going off on a specific, erm, lady, I’ve yet to hear a peep from them.

I’m not gonna lie. I haven’t spent a significant amount of time listening to Kanye West’s new album, 808s and Heartbreak. I had another guy review it for my own site, just like I did with Graduation (which I’ve yet to hear in its entirety to this day, oddly enough), so I only spent enough time with it in order to determine that it doesn’t have a single redeeming quality. Which it doesn’t. Never mind what Billy X Sunday says.

But I figure I’ve heard enough of 808s and Heartbreak to know that all it is is song after song of him going off on his ex-fiance, Alexis Phifer, who, like the nappy headed hoes in the Imus incident, isn’t a public figure per se, and hence doesn’t really have much of a platform from which to mount a response. (That is, unless she wants to email yours truly. We can discuss this over a couple of two-piece meals at KFC. I just got some gift checks in the mail from them.)

And I’m not the only one to notice this. The newly unemployed Tom Breihan devotes a significant amount of his review of 808s and Heartbreak – which he calls “almost frighteningly cruel and devoid of empathy” – in last week’s Village Voice to talking about how Kanye’s a douche for going off on his ex like that. (Of course, most of the rest of the viewly is very positive.)

In retrospect, the dead giveaway should have been the secret, largely forgotten alternate version of the god-awful video for his song “Flashing Lights,” from Graduation. The one we all know and love is the one where Rita G, in what can only charitably be called a bikini, beats Kanye to a bloody pulp in the trunk of a Mustang. I didn’t have any particular beef with the content of the video; I just wish there was more to it. At the very least, she could have been naked.

But if you remember, that version of the video was created only after another version of the video was created and subsequently shelved. It didn’t leak to the Internets until a while later, and when it did, it escaped mention on Kanye’s notorious fake, plagiarized blog/discount travel scam operation. In this version of the “Flashing Lights” video, a model chick rolls out of bed at the ass crack of noon, Bol-stylee, proceeds to start drinking, then later she goes to a club and gets raped while she stumbles home drunk.

Um, wow.

Maybe I’m just astute like that, but it was obvious to me even at the time that this was Kanye’s way of wishing rape on his ex-fiance. I wrote as much in a post here at the time. I’m a fucking visionary, I swear.

You would think the fact alone that the most famous rapper in the world has a video that’s basically a rape snuff film would be enough to set… sombeboy off. Presumably, that’s why the TIs let him talk Spike Jonze into ruining his legacy with the “official” version of the “Flashing Lights” video. Though I’ll maintain to this day that Jonze’ extended-length (nullus) clip for “What’s Up, Fatlip?” is the best movie ever made about hip-hop, right up there with Havoc.

If I was Kanye West’s ex-fiance Alexis (no homo), I’d seriously think about getting a restraining order against him, just in case, since we know he’s out of control. We know, because we’ve got it on video, that he went apeshit on that photographer in the airport out in LA. And I heard there was another incident recently, over in Europe, though he might have paid to have that covered up. I can only imagine what he might do to his ex-fiance, if he’s already wished rape on her, and he’s got an entire album going off on her.

Then I’d see about getting some money out of him. The two of them used to live together out in California, right? I’ve heard that’s a bad state to go to family court in. She could almost certainly take him for a hefty settlement out there. Look at the facts: She put her modeling career on hold to marry him, then he dropped her like a bad habit just because his mom died and he’s crazy now. But her stock’s just not gonna be as high, if everyone knows she spent several years having sex with a black guy, let alone the fact that he’s been on a campaign to destroy her reputation.

And of course, if she does go through with this, it would only be right if I received some sort of finders fee. It doesn’t even have to be a lot of money. Part of it would just be the satisfaction of knowing that I could be of such assistance, but part of it’s that, if there’s one thing being down with XXL has taught me, it’s how to ball on a budget. If it’s anywhere near the four figure mark, I could be straight for quite some time. Nhjic.

  • Izza

    I thought it was about him mum?

  • Izza

    Sorry for the grammatical error.

  • nick

    lol…..

  • Matt Herbz

    Ahhh… as I sit here, John-Blazed the fuck out after watching King Of New York for the 99th time, I’m thinking about bitches and hoes and Kanye. After watching dude on Conan the other night, I’m wondering if he could even pull some play with the obvious lack of mack-game he has. I think it’s a straight ho move to blow up your ex on a crummy crossover CD. I mean if you really want that bitch to feel it, put Too Short on the track and get a verse from that geeked-out nigga that ate his girlfriend’s lungs. THAT would be the ultimate “Fuck That Ho” diss track and it might even be something that a straight man could listen to, unlike “808s and Heartburn.” Kanye ain’t a mack…because no true G gets dumped by a woman. Case in point: I’ve never been dumped by no woman. I cut THEM bitches off. In fact, the only type of bitch to have around is one that will take a bullet for you–word to Frank White. Anything less would be uncivilized.

    –Matt Herbz–

    • iLL_wiLL

      yo u need a blog on here lol that shit was too funny. I’d be checkin for Bol, Mex, BillyX, you and gunot killa lmaooo

    • tony grand$

      Herbz, real talk, I kno that nigga personally. U talkin bout the homie Big Lurch. It wasn’t his girl, it was his nigga’s girl. Sherm is a powerful narcotic, but trust ya boy when I say that’s not the nigga u won’t to do a song with. Besides, once he was convicted, he made a lil video tellin kids about the dangers of drugs. Sufficed to say, even if Ye wanted to record with him, hell never be on the street again.

  • BUKKA BUKKA

    Since when do you give a fuck about some broad who got dumped?

  • avenger XL

    I beleive the key to this whole post is the fact Bol hasn’t even listened to the release. So this is all comedy speculation to get some blog laughs. I must admit Bol is one of the funniest Blog writers I have had the pleasure to read.

    Now with that said 808 and heartbreaks isn’t him putting her on blast as much as it is Kanye expressing loss of his two best friends his longtime girl and his mom. It is an attempt to br4ing some emotion back to hip-hop since everyone is uber tough. When in all honesty the hardest dude is the one who can actual express a range of emotion and still beat your ass(note Kanye is too bitch made to beat anyones ass over seven) but I digress.

    • Shawty J

      If it’s Ye’s attempt at bring emotion back to hip-hop the album is an epic fail. Yeezy only bring’s one emotion and the album is barely hip-hop.

  • latino heat

    i agree “What”s Up FatLip” was classic. but what is Havoc?

  • geico lizard

    I dont think kanye is dumb enough to hurt his ex because alot of people wish rape,incurable sexually transmitted diseases and deep disfiguring facial scars on their cheating lying shady ass exes but they never actually do anything physical to them. The thing that supports your argument is that maybe an angry person will go to a blog to vent anonymously about their ex or tell a friend about them but to actually make a video with a rape in it and an album is making your hatred public.

    Kanye has taken the next step so unless he gets too busy producing for jay z and other albums or going on tour then Kanye will just let thoughts of his ex consume him. Kanye cheated on her so he didnt love her that much and im sure he will get a much hotter woman very soon since he has the number one selling album again.

  • tony grand$

    Wuddup Bol?!
    What the hell does “nhjic” mean?

  • og bobby j

    I been thinking about standing outside best buy when Kanye shit drops and take pics of the people that buy his album. Gaurenteed its 40% bithces 40% tight jeaners 16% life partners and 4% misguided rap fans.

    Kanye is for fags…

    • ANGRY RADIO DJ

      haha..true dat but the percentage of misguided rap fans embraces all them categories. Fuck these new hipster kids, the OG hipsters were Native Tongues and these young pop rock lames aint ready!!!…Matt Herbz, 808s and Heartburn…i love it..ha!!!

  • Worley

    Never, and I say, never make a fancy chick your main broad. There is always some dude willing to crawl on his belly for her if you are not. And that’s when the games begin.

  • amar

    man…i’m glad to hear i’m not the only one in this comments section not feeling this new album…

    after all that talk from billy x, internet review sites and that other dude on xxl talking about how good it is, I was begining to question my own musical taste. But honestly, it’s too slow for me, too whiney for me and if i wanted to listen to electro-pop (that’s a big-ass if) i’d listen to someone who knows how to do it

    oh well, hopefully the next album is different

  • Shawty J

    I keep trying to give this album a fair shot, but it’s too whiny and the auto-tune is freakin annoying.

  • Rob The Music Ed

    In Bol’s honor I will put the Kanye album on repeat and the volume up to 50!

  • BIGNAT

    IT’S NOT EVEN WORTH DOWNLOADING FOR FREE HAHAHAHHAHAH