A Very Diddy Christmas

I hope you’ve all had yourselves a wonderful holiday season thus far. As the new year approaches, I only request that you “Rub this Ciroc…/ in your breasts and on your vaginaaaaa!”

Take that! Take that, you triflin’ beyotch!!!! *pours Ciroc on triflin’ beyotch*

Negro Please 2009! Ron Mexico City Records up in this bitch.

Since you missed me so much last week, we’ll be starting the week off proper-like by addressing four SDN-finalist Diddy fuck-ups at once.

#1 – Fuck Your Holiday. It’s Christmas!

Diddy doesn’t give a fuck about your “holiday.” It’s Crimmus time, goddammit! The best part of all of this–besides the fact that he doesn’t care what you may believe–is that he thinks December 25th is really Jesus’ birthday. Damn. Niggas will believe anything Hallmark and K-Mart tell they shiny asses, I guess. For all we know, Jesus is probably an Aries like every-fucking-body else on earth. But as Puff has done with several of your favorite aspiring MCs’ contracts, homie gone do what the fuck he want!

[Blogger's Note: Yes, if you celebrate Christmas and the person you're addressing does as well, "Merry Christmas" away. I don't celebrate Crimmus, but I wish "Merry Christmas" to all of my observing friends. Don't run up on Muslims and Jews and everyone else like "Fuck all the bullshit! It's Christmas, you fucking heathen! Take that!" That makes you the asshole. I know I'm a bit too late for this season, so that's some jewelry for next year.]

#2 – Diddy Claus’ Homeless iPod Giveaway

“Excuse me, Mr. Puffy… I’m still hungry and freezing. Maybe instead of this music thingy you could drop me off somewhere warm?” -any homeless person handed an iPod nano on the streets of New York in the dead of winter

What the FUCK is a homeless person gonna do with an iPod besides sell the shit?! You might as well just hit these bums off with a grip or a plate like Nino Brown or some shit. At least Starbury hit the poor off with c-notes, kicks and dinner! As in, eating at the same table with a homeless dude… and watching television with them.

Them Diddy-pods is gonna be the #1 crack purchase on 42nd Street this January. I also found out that they’ll be stocked with horrendous Puffy songs and such “inspirational” tunes as “Get A Job” and “I Teach My Children to Step Over Your Stankin Ass On Their Way to School in the Morning Where You Shoulda Been… Nyucka.”

Way to turn the homeless into living, breathing, starving Bad Boy advertisements. I know the plan. That’s some sick, Nazi Germany-era shit there. Let’s take all the mentally ill that society doesn’t care for and fill their brains with No Way Out so that when they’re stammering at you on the subway, it’ll be “I was a gentleman living in tenements/” coming out of their scraggly beards.

For fucking shame.

If the nanos are filled with miserably bad Puffy tunes, they might not be able to get resale value. And as amar the pretty pancake man pointed out, them vagrants are gonna be choked the fuck up when they realize they need a damn computer with innanets and iTunes to operate that shit.

#3 – …And A Ciroc New Year!

Puffy is offering the City of New York a one million dollar donation to the charity of its choice in exchange for coloring the New Years Eve ball in Times Square “Ciroc Blue.” If it only took a million dollars to change the New Years Eve ball in Times Square into product placement of some kind that shit would have already fuckin happened. Ronald McDonald would have been sliding down that bitch like a stripper at tuition deadline.

Why not just take that milli and make another shitty Black Bond/Sammy Davis, jr. IV commercial with it? I’m sure you can get a blue ball that way, and it won’t even have to involve Cassie.

[Blogger's Note: *rimshot* I'll be here all week, people. Try the fish!]

P.S.: I still don’t know a living soul who knows what that shit tastes like.

#4 – Derek Luke is Really Playing Puffy?!

And you know what… Derek Luke as Puffy in the Notorious film? Negro, please. Is that who Puffy sees when he looks in the mirror? Does he see Antwone Fisher in his “We Won’t Stop”-era pictures? I know they didn’t pick that nigga for his acting abilities.

P.S.: This Biggie movie is just one more way Puffy has found to make money off that poor dead rapster. Hopeully we at least get to see Gravy getting shot this time.

Take that! Take that!

Questions? Comments? Requests? Anyone know if I should bring a bottle of Ciroc to the New Years party I decide on attending? Or should I stick with my duck juice? ron@ronmexicocity.com

Come back next Christmas time when I puts a little eggnog in ya face!

  • Pierzy

    Happy New Year, Mr. Mexico.

    Yo, Mr. Combs is losing his mind. And as far as what you should bring to the NYE party, I think you should bring a box of Corn Flakes and a jug of Tropicana. C’mon…What could be more Puff-swaggerific than that??

  • http://www.theunderwriters.blogspot.com THE UNDERWRITER

    Oh shit @ this post.

  • Lowedwn

    Damn Ron…thank you for making it worthwhile for me to come to work today, you know besides the need to pay bills and all. Another Classic to end the year.

  • 1Hunid

    “This Biggie movie is just one more way Puffy has found to make money off that poor dead rapster”

    Mf’s dont realize Piff,Dippy,Dorky or whatever alias holmes go by was/is really a skinny Suge. You make a damn good point.im sure Big didnt get to really eat off the fruits of his labor at the time of his slaying.Piff made his career off of cheescake running MC wanna be’s and made a damn good living out of it.Good ole America “Land of Capitalism”.Its fucked up but could you blame him.ughk!

  • tony grand$

    Wuddup Mex, happy xmas, merry kwanzaa, l’haim, alladat good shit………

    @ some point, niggas gotta wonder what type of psychological abuse Sean Combs underwent as a child. Tell me that this douche nozzle aint exactly how we thought the naybahood bully target wouldve turned out to be. For one to reach such a high level of assholism, well over 2000 ass whuppins must have been endured over no less than a 15 year period.

    In school (middle & high), I seriously doubt that guy ever ate his lunch, unless by force. I can see him wearing meatloaf shirts & milk skullies.

    He seems to be the type of dude that went to his HS reunion, sat alone @ his table, playin with that gottdamn toothpick, sunglasses @ night & indoors, noddin his head like, “yeah, I remember that nigga walkin by, I’m gonna buy his moms house and foreclose on that shit. Take that”.

    That iPod move was just dumb, he couldve chipped them cats off Starbury style, & still had some loot to buy presents for the less fortunate kids in Harlem. Couldve gave them mufuckas some skills and/or training, then maybe a job somewhere. The best gift is one that continues giving. I hope that @ least one of those down-&-outers looked him in his crooked ass eye, & said, “nigga fuck ur music. U suck. No thanx faggot.”
    *throws iPod under a bus*

    Simply put, this fucker is a dick. Not the manly kind I make children with, the kind who we wait for somethin bad to happen so we can have a funniest moment of “that” year.

    • BIGNAT

      most likely puff would have brought out the shiny suit to go to hs reunion. start dancing throwing money around everywhere saying i’m rich niggas look at me. then he would have his bodyguards break up every car that belongs to anybody who did him wrong. nah more like he would get all them joints towed and dropped in the river hahaha. as he leaves he does the swagger like puff song

  • http://www.xxlmag.com Gooch

    this post really takes the cake… wow

  • Worley

    That iPod sh*t is a tax write off, nothing genuine about it. I remember I worked at this one job and they gave us all CD cases with the company name on ‘em instead of a real Christmas bonus. Employees returned so many of them sh*ts the company “thanked” us for “donating” them to charity. Yeah. F*ck you too.

    Bring a bottle of Mount Gay Rum and Vitamin Water Lemonade to the party. That sh*t is strong enough to get you right and sweet enough for the crows.

    • og bobby j

      gay rum? No thanks. I’ll stick the that VSOP

  • 123

    This shit is hilarious.
    Diddy, thanks for trying but fuck off.

  • BIGNAT

    so many funny comments lmao mex this one got me cracking up the most.
    “If it only took a million dollars to change the New Years Eve ball in Times Square into product placement of some kind that shit would have already fuckin happened. Ronald McDonald would have been sliding down that bitch like a stripper at tuition deadline.” hahahhahaha

  • amar

    damn mex, thanks for the shout out via cited reference. I’m gonna personality mail you 2 pretty pancakes, with the bows on them and everything. I’m gonna need u to pay for the shipping though, I’m kinda Scott Storch right now.

    Anyway, i don’t get diddy. One day he’s giving out ipods to the poor, the next he’s designing and giving away diamond-encrusted ipods to celebrities at the vma awards…at least when soulja boy gave those hobos money in that one soulja boy blog, they told him straight up they’re gonna use it to “GIT MI DIG SUGGEDD, BOSS”

  • Shawty J

    What the hell is up with Diddy giving away iPods to the homeless? I mean for real, man?

  • http://thatsmywordhiphopblog.blogspot.com Seattle Slim

    lmao @ this entire post. Number one blogger I go looking for when I open XXL. Bol is good too, but I fucks with you first.

  • geico lizard

    “That’s some sick, Nazi Germany-era shit there” You are right ronnie turiaf mexico because puffdiddybop knows if he fill the ipods with his crappy music,danity kane and other tax write offs he signed then the homeless will kill themselves just to get the song out of their heads and nyc will no longer have a homeless problem. That piddybufffatherguy is a bad man,lmao.

  • that nigga

    Hopeully we at least get to see Gravy getting shot this time.
    ::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

    WOW!!!!!

  • http://www.myspace.com/baby_r Dramaking

    happy new year mr.mexico you are so hilarious..good post all i can say

  • FlapJack

    Diddy is just marketing towards drugdealers, you know where the ipods are ending up. and giving crackheads something to smoke while he’s at it.
    Big ups to Diddy!

    See the bigger picture!