Help Soulja Boy Go Platinum in One Week? Why?!

As you might already be aware, Soulja Boy is enlisting the aid of you, the general public, to go platinum in a week.

Campaign #1 | Campaign #2

Why?

Because I guess it’s easier to ask someone for a vote than to get them to actually enjoy your shit.

Why?

Apparently don’t nobody wanna turn they swag on or crank a bird walk. Not even children.

Why?

Because Soulja Boy Tellem is a cornball… and an embarrassment to black people, southerners and the Mississippi Board of Education all at the same time.

Why?

Because he makes it look like we lost Brown v. Board of Education.

Why?

Where do I start? The dances that evoke the spirit of Chicken George? His admiration for the colonists that “saved” us from Africa? The minimal expectations of life? Aspiring to a D+ average is never an acceptable ceiling–unless you’re a young coal miner or sharecropper. If you’ve got The Negro Channel in your house and watch it willingly, you can try to do well in school.

Why?

I haven’t figured that out yet. You’re just kinda supposed to go to school if you wanna be somebody.

Why?

Because that’s the way Massa set it up. Now let me get back to what I was saying. Unless you’re a slave of some kind–

Why?

Hold on, nigga. You didn’t even let me finish. You can’t just “why?” a nigga mid-sentence like that. Anyway, you know how I feel. I ain’t gonna be helpin this nigga go platinum with all this bloggin and exposure and shit.

Why?

Because when they take away our rights to vote and procreate–which I hear they almost did with that Tropical Fantasy–it’ll be because of some shit Soulja Boy said.

Why?

Okay, I’m fuckin around. Soulja Boy ain’t gonna be on no more major media outlets after iSouljaBoy bombs. Them four magazine covers he got will be his last. I’m not buying all this hard-working, good businessman shit about someone who believes girls when they claim the panty-drawls is brand new. This is the same nigga who believes Shaquita is actually on the pill. There’s gonna be a little Soulja Boy crankin around that house of his.

Why?

Hmmm. You’re right. That house probably won’t be his much longer. That Richie Rich fantasy comes crashing down pretty quickly when you Mayweather all your shit away on ice and tattoos. It’ll just be him, a pregnant Shaquita and the baby they just had boppin around some apartment complex like we never lost our freedom.

Why?

As we established, he ain’t too much of an intellectual, and apparently he ain’t all that smart either. If I’m gonna give a nigga money just because I like him, I’ll get four copies of that new Kidz in the Hall or some shit.

At least those uppity, educated nigroes won’t buy Gucci trash cans with their first checks.

Questions? [besides "why?"] Comments? Requests? ron@ronmexicocity.com

  • http://www.prettypancakes.com amar

    hahahhahha both the youtubes and the blog are hilaious. I think soulja boy should just hire u to make fun of everything he does. It’d get him so much publicity, he’s bound to sell more cd’s!

    But then again, u don’t wanna be one of sb’s man-maids like Arab. I hear he keeps that kid on a steady combination of ground up dog food and crack coccaine so that he’s lazy and obedient enough to never leave the house. YUUUUULE.

    http://www.prettypancakes.com

    • http://www.ronmexicocity.com Ron Mexico

      hahahahahahaahaha @ dog food and cocaine.

      i hear he gets it from ALPO.

      oooooh.

      • ASSDFG

        FUCJK YPOIUYTREAHYTRESAZ MNJHUYTREWSZ MNJHYGTFRDSZ

  • kelito-vision

    classic post
    why?
    cause he ethered soulja boy
    why?
    cause soulja boy music sucks balls

  • Monitor

    Hahaha, the best one by far.

    “Because he makes it look like we lost Brown v. Board of Education.”

    So true.

  • Dub Sac

    Hold on, nigga. You didn’t even let me finish. You can’t just “why?” a nigga mid-sentence like that.

    Good stuff, Mex.

    Seriously, you gotta get on YouTube to guilt people into buying your second album? “I gotta outsell 50!” Shit, that makes the first time I ever wanted 50 to outsell ANYBODY.

  • giantstepp

    I say we double G-Unot Killa’s extortion fees to 25.00 per month to do whats necessary to not let this happen. Although Soulja Boy’s coonery/buffonery/lack of talent/ignorance etc will probably be enough for him to bomb. We’ll keep G-Unot on stand by just in case ….

    Classic shit tho Ron Mex. You killin’em dude.

  • Justice4All

    This has to be the most intellectual thing I’ve heard in hip-hop since poor righteous teachers were rapping on that building in the cold. Souja boy whatever his name is, is a monkey in a cage, just dancing for the massa T.I’s of the industry. The boy will be played in about 30 seconds.

    …………………………………………………….Time’s up.

  • Rob the Music Ed

    co-sign on that Kidz in the Hall shit- that CD gets better every time i hear it.

    I doubt Soulja Boy goes plat in a week… ummm I’d be surprised if he does over 120k.

  • Mika

    i hvnt evn finishd readin this whole ‘article’ …bt Ron,you’re the first hip hop blogger tht deserves an encore…..its that G.O.O.D B.L.O.G hah!

  • Pierzy

    Man, I hate Soulja Boy.
    Why?
    Because he does suck balls.

  • Shawty J

    “Because Soulja Boy Tellem is a cornball… and an embarrassment to black people, southerners and the Mississippi Board of Education all at the same time.”

    As a black man and as a southern I’d like to co-sign that.

    “Because he makes it look like we lost Brown v. Board of Education.”

    Cold as hell! LOL

  • Dub Sac

    I also love how half the shit SB mentions involves him already having money and spending it on stupid shit – like we’re supposed to just hand over our money so he can continue doing “Rich Nigga Shit.” I’d rather buy a hamburger.

    • http://www.ronmexicocity.com ron mexico

      nah, mane. he needs another gucci garbage can. you can eat tuna sandwiches for a while to help the cause.

  • BIGNAT

    “Because he makes it look like we lost Brown v. Board of Education.” you could have just put this and it made your point 50 times over. you ethered that fool he is looking at his life mate right now going “arab why is ron mexico doing this to me”. then he going say what is this Brown v. Board of Education. if i catch my neices with his album i am going take that shit back and get them a copy of the nas or the jeezy.

  • big boy

    HATERZ