Does The Studio=Pussy?

Let's keep it real here, we don't need those blinking lights on our keyboard or console, but they sure do look good. Women like blinking lights. It makes them feel like we're doing some kind of weird science, something they can't understand. And that's cool and unknown and attractive.

Used to be that rappers and performers got all the chicks. A dude could sing some fucking Maxwell song at an open mic and he'd wind up with some pussy that night. That's just how it is for R&B cats. Sing a note, get some choch.

But rappers and singers are a dime a dozen. So are producers, but at least there's still an aura of mystique about us. Songwriters too. We're not out there on front street like rappers and sleazy industry dudes trying to sleep with every chick they meet out at a party.

They get somebody else's baby mamma pussy. They get "in da club" pussy. Producers get more sophisticated pussy, like chicks who actually know and care about music. Who respect your talent. Or they get artist pussy. You know, like the "aspiring female R&B singer" pussy. Or if you're an established producer, like JR Rotem, you might wind up fucking Britney Spears. Or if you're Dallas Austin, you might find yourself fucking Christina Aguilera.

You know how it is, you're in close quarters for hours on end, working on music. The creative energy is flowing. It gets late. The lights are dim. You wind up taking a break. Before you know it she's sitting on your lap while you're showing her how to play a line on the keyboard. She leans over to grab her glass of whatever alcohol she's drinking, her tits are in your face. You kiss her neck, and it goes on from there.

Before you know it you got this chick bent over wheelbarrow style. Word to JR.

This doesn't just apply to people who actually, ya'know, have work to do in the studio. How often is your homeboy stopping by your studio with a new jumpoff just to "show her around?" In my experience, pretty damn often. I used to have a separate room in my recording facility that was just for fucking. Any time someone needed it, they could just go in there and lock the door.

The music industry may be in the shitter, but the studio is always going to be the fucking coolest place on earth to regular people. Even though I can do the same shit minus the blinking lights in about half the time on my laptop, I'll still take the console and the gear any day. Just because I wanna, ya'know, impress naive women.

And that's what life's all about, no?

If you haven't used all the gear you've bought to get some ass, my friends, consider your money completely wasted. Unless of course you got a bunch of placements and used your front end checks and royalties to buy some high priced Elliott Spitzer-type prostitute. Then of course, it was money well spent.

So talk to me, are you XXL folks using your studio to your advantage or what?