Worst List Evar

I was looking at this list of the 100 best rap songs evar put out by VH1, and it occurred to me. They could have put together a better list, if they wanted to.

There’s no way the mail room, or whoever’s in charge of puting together the hip-hop-related content over at VH1, submitted that list to the TIs in charge, and they actually thought it was a list of the 100 best rap songs evar.

At the very least, they could have consulted Wikipedia and found any number of lists of the best rap songs evar, that don’t feature, say, something called “Who’s that Girl” by Eve. And then they could have been like, “Well, why does ours?”

And that’s just to use an example of a song I can’t even claim to have ever heard. This despite the fact that I’ve been listening to rap music for as long as I can remember, plus about three years, and I talk shit about rappers over the Internets for a (miserable) living.

This list is so fucked the fuck up, to go through it and point out every single thing that’s wrong with it would take way more effort than I’m willing to put forth for… like, anything. But here’s a few things I noticed in general.

First of all, you know I had to go there, so I’m gonna go ahead and go there: Obviously, they went to great lengths to pad this list with female artists. You get the idea (though I didn’t bother counting) that there was some sort of mandate from on high that the list consist of at least 10% female artists.

In other words, there was a quota.

What’s more, they got the order of the female artists all fucked up. In the top 10, there’s “Push It” by Salt N Pepa, and then in the top 20, there’s “Get Ur Freak On” by Missy Elliott. Neither of which would have appeared in any list of the top 100 rap songs I put together. But MC Lyte doesn’t show up until the bottom 50. The fuck?

Which brings me to my next point: The TIs at VH1 obviously called their cousins over at the major labels and had them send over a list of rappers in order of the amount of money they’ve stuffed in a TI’s coffers in the past 10 years, and then they cross referenced that with whatever other bullshit criteria they used.

Hence, there’s no way MC Lyte was gonna appear ahead of damn near every other female rapper that’s on the list, other than JJ Fad and L’Trimm, who both appear on this list (no, really), but you had to know Jay-Z, Kanye, Eminem, and Fiddy were all gonna show up in the top 20.

In fact, I’m surprised they didn’t put “A Milli” or some shit in the top 20, given that Lil’ Wayne could very well be the last rapper to sell a million albums in a week ever again. He is in the top 50, just barely, at number 50 with “Tha Block Is Hot” (again, I’m not familiar), and you have to think that was by design.

“Back that Ass Up” by Juvenile was damn near the only rap song they ever played on TRL back when it meant something, but what has he done for a TI lately? So fuck him. He isn’t anywhere on this list.

Maybe the worst, though (since, who gives a shit about Cash Money?), is the fact that they’ve got “They Reminisce Over You” way the fuck down at number 90, sandwiched between “Oh Boy” by Cam’ron and “Ridin’” by Chamillionaire. (Yes, “Oh Boy” is actually ahead of “T.R.O.Y.”)

It’s almost as if a bunch of TIs sat around in a room and thought to themselves, “Is there any way we could fuck this list up bad enough that a boom bap dinosaur would cry?”

And then one guy shouted out, “I got it! Let’s put “T.R.O.Y.” all the way down in the bottom 10, and then put a Cam’ron record one notch ahead of it just to rub it in.”

They probably gave his ass a raise.

The thing is, VH1 didn’t put this list together the way they did just to piss us old guys off, or because anyone who works there is actually convinced of the artistic merit of “Feel So Good” by Ma$e (a full 23 notches ahead of “T.R.O.Y.”). What they’re doing is establishing a canon.

At some point in time or another (maybe when Flava Flav became its biggest star), VH1 realized that there’s an entire generation of grown people now who grew up with rap music. Hence, the same network that used to run promos touting the fact that they didn’t play any rap (or heavy metal) when I was a kid having an awards show called Hip Hop Honors.

Of course, VH1 is gonna be running more and more hip-hop-related content, now that it’s in their best interest. But they can’t just be running any ol’ rap videos. What if they’re not conducive to a TI’s agenda? So the purpose of a list like this is to weed out any content they don’t have any use for, regardless of its actual merit, and to promote the shit that might actually make them a dollar. Again, regardless of its actual merit.

Rap songs by guys that are way better than motherfucking “Get Ur Freak On?” Sorry! You know mad women watch VH1. Great rap songs put out by labels that don’t fall under some sort of corporate umbrella? Not on VH1!

  • Bang

    lol at Slick Rick’s Children’s Story being below Young MC and Block is Hot

    Children’s Story will forever be remade by artists in Hip Hop. FOREVER

  • http://www.prettypancakes.com amar

    well i dunno what BEST means, but in terms of IMPORTANT songs, and speaking of cash money getting pwned…i’d at least put “bling bling” on there…you know, since…now everybody and their mother call everything “bling bling” or “bling” or “blang” or some other douchey shit

    http://www.prettypancakes.com

  • http://www.prettypancakes.com amar

    PS
    Anyone notice nas is only on there once, and at 48, and with “one love”? yet tupac’s “I get around” is 14?

  • og bobby j

    the list is hot trash…

    but your analysis of why is on point Bol.

  • booboo james

    “hot in hurrrrrr” was on there and sumbitches were talking about it like the shit was GENIUS! shit’s gotta stop

  • giantstepp

    @ Amar….

    I love Nas, but I get around ahead of One Love is a fair choice my dude. I think most people would agree. I get around is a classic record, period! Certain individuals will like One Love over I get Around, but if the people could vote….Im predicting a land slide in favor of Pac.

  • giantstepp

    Anywhere outside of Queensbridge….ok, NY, Nas will loose that battle as far as those songs go head to head. Tupac would win 49 states, EASY!

  • http://www.prettypancakes.com amar

    choice of opinion, i like both songs. I personally didn’t think I get around is over 30 positions better than nas..

    and while we’re on that, i don’t get why one love was chosen in the first place. I’d argue that it’s not even the best song on illmatic (same goes for I get around in term’s of tupac’s stuff)

    http://www.prettypancakes.com

  • http://www.prettypancakes.com amar

    and just to clear it up: i like both songs a lot. What I meant by “it’s not even the best song on illmatic” was that if they’re gonna choose a nas song from all his stuff, why that one? It’s good but it’s not his best lyrically, nor his best commercially or creatively and isn’t the best at combining all 3 things together either.

    Same goes for i get around imo

  • http://xxlmag.com Bol

    I always did think I Get Around was the best thing Pac did.

  • DV8

    I dont have the spare 2 hours to watch that shit. But thanks to your blog I see its not needed. T.R.O.Y ranked lower then Oh Boy? WTF!!!!! I could easily pick the 100 best songs out of my personal collection and there would still be hundreds more better then alot of shit on that list. Atleast they made a respectable choice by putting “Fight The Power” as Number 1.

  • bopteest

    Damn right Bol, give these VH1 fools the proper bitch slap they deserve.

  • che

    bol, you of all people shouldn’t comment on this kinda thing, your taste in rap music is horrendous.

    you listen to gay ass music. if it was upto you, there wouldn’t be a single rap song in VH1′s list of top 100 rap songs.

    You’re just a fat, black, perez hilton stan.

  • Prince Ceasar

    VH-1 is for white kids that think The Carter 3 is real hip-hop. The list that those idiots put together was a rude awakening that rap is becoming very commercial. Fuck VH-1, MTV, and all of that corporate bullshit that try to water down real Hip-Hop.

  • giantstepp

    @ AMAR…

    I feel ya on that not being the best song on illmatic…not even close to the best song, which kinda proves my point. I get around verses One love is a NON contest, I get around would smash One Love in 49 states! Now plenty of other songs on illmatic is another story. Nas is MY NIGGA…I was bumpin classic Nas joints the other night!

    @Bol…
    What? Something remotely positive to say about ‘Pac?….you gonna be alright my dude!

  • giantstepp

    @ Amar….

    At the end of the day IMO, Pac and Nas are cut from the same cloth. The same type of dudes. Different styles, production, lyrics etc., but the substance and what they at least try to represent is the same. Which is why I love both dudes.

  • capcobra

    nas is a better rapper…pac is a better actor…niguz ain’t like him til juice came out…unless you one of the few that copped the 1st whenit came out…[not later on}…just line up niguz 1st cd from 1975 til now…you’ll clearly see nas is better than most..let alone pac….and if not then why would pac refer to nas as the ringleader on makevelli?..his beef was with bad boy…right?..and on that note…why would big and jay try to go at homie?…especially if he ain’t the best…you do know that in order to be the man..you gotta beat the man….them niguz is legendary and all that..but niguz know nas is the best…don’t wait for him to die and say it either…give that man his credit…them niguz first verse ain’t fuck up the game…maybe big…but not like nas on main source…fuck outta here…pac ain’t better than cube my niguz…y’all bugging!!and the blunt done went out!

  • paychexx

    nice post

    if you think about it every songs on this list has a video, so it should be called the 100 hip hop videos.

    because there is 100 hip hop songs that dont have videos that are classic.

    i mean come on, they had writers from blender mag?! who the fuck reads blender.

    peace

    • G2

      Great point about the fact that the songs all have videos. In most cases, the singles are never the best cuts on the albums.

  • mr.martin

    no slick rick mona lisa on this list at all

  • Pierzy

    The list is a fucking joke and it’s upsetting to even consult it…

  • Jp

    No “N.Y. State of Mind”(maybe cause it didnt have a video), “One Mic”, “Dead Presidents”, “Dear Mama”, “Brenda’s got a Baby”, “Slippin”, “Jesus Walks”, “Why(Jadakiss)”, “Warning”

    fuck i can go on and on…well these shouldve been on there in my opinion

  • maxman

    you should do your own list! at least top 50.

  • avon

    if a song didnt have a video it aint make this list this list was bullshit how the hell did t.r.o.y not crack top 20 how did the block is hot make it but cash money is a army we on fire bling bling ha n back that ass up didnt why was one mic not on this list eazy e boyz in the hood tupac dear mama this list sucked crossroads should have been up higher also this list just pissed ya boy off but even with that being said vh1 still rep for hip hop better than any other station

  • avon

    biggie-long kiss goodnight
    biggie-suicidal thoughts
    jay-z-can i live
    jay-z-lucky me
    nas-i gave you power
    nas new york state of mind 1 and 2
    kool g rap-strets of new york
    rakim-song off the juice soundtrack
    lupe fiasco-he say she say
    pac-hail mary
    pac so many tears
    fab-breathe
    pac-wonder why they call you bitch
    biggie-gimme the loot
    big l-street struck
    big l-8 is enuff
    nas-if i ruled the world
    bg-in my city
    bg-plan went sour
    too short-freaky tales
    this list was missin alot of shit

  • Moi

    this list sounds pretty poor but vh1 should get some respect for all those hip-hop honors shows the last few years . . . where else would you ever see slick rick, kane, rakim, naughty by nature, lyte, KRS, kool herc, flash, hollywood, wu tang, too short, public enemy, and the list goes on, on television let alone receiving accolades and awards like they are somebody? it’s not BET, MTV, or anywhere else.

    also, these alternate greatest songs you guys are coming up with are kinda strange. your favorite song you listen to in your bedroom does not equal greatest.

  • Moi

    get ur freak on was a hot song too.

    anyhow who’s ever seen a woman move real kinda slow like to that or who was high at a stop light in 2001 would nver diss that song.

    top 20 no. but i could let that slide.

  • Tha Ace

    i couldn’t believe the list honestly. I tried to make sense out of why they chose certain songs but it no use. Could go on for days abut songs left out and songs that should never have made a top 300 list but fuggit

  • fake hair women are ugly

    I WAS BORN IN 1985 BUT WANNA DIE IN 2009 (WITH THIS MUSIC, I DONT WANT TO LIVE ANYMORE).