The crackhead stays in the picture

When I heard Fiddy Cent was gonna make a movie to go along with his new album, Before I Self Destruct, I should have known he was gonna do it.

A lot of these rappers say they’re gonna do something, and it never ends up happening. Or it takes like five years for them to do some shit that should have only taken a few weeks.

Take for example Snoop Dogg. It’s been such a long time since he began saying he was gonna do another album produced entirely by Dr. Dre, I can’t even remember when it was. I was probably like 13 years old at the time. I’m sure it’s still gonna happen though.

Of course, the difference is that Fiddy Cent doesn’t really mess around with weed and alcohol and what have you. While the rest of us bums are sitting around self-medicating, Fiddy Cent’s running on a treadmill and drinking Vitamin Water.

And they say living right helps you stay focused, mentally. I wouldn’t know, though I’d say I’ve managed to remain fairly prolific. Maybe I’m just that good. Or maybe I’m about to hit some sort of a wall. Fiddy Cent, on the other hand, is fully focused, man.

Hence, for example, Fiddy Cent claiming a few years ago that he was gonna do a video for every song on The Massacre, and then, come to find out, he actually did. He was shooting extra low budget videos that no one would actually be interested in seeing back before it got all trendy.

Still, hiring some chinaman to film you mouthing the lyrics to rap songs out on a street corner in front of the projects is one thing. But how in the fuck did Fiddy Cent find the time to direct and star in an entire feature film in what couldn’t have been a very lengthy amount of time?

I was checking the Internets just now, and I see there’s actually a trailer for Before I Self Destruct. It doesn’t look like it’s gonna be any better than, say, Master P’s I Got the Hook Up or some shit, but it does look like he actually did go and make a film.

The only actor I recognized is a guy who I think might have acted in some of those life is hard in the ghetto movies back in the 1990s. He may have been in Menace II Society, but I can’t say for certain. Whoever he is, something tells me he didn’t cost much. His lips look like they’ve been burnt on many a crack pipe.

Also, I should note that this might not actually be a real, according to Hoyle trailer for Before I Self Destruct, though it does consist of footage from the film cut together as if it was. It doesn’t mention how or when the film is gonna be released, and I notice it’s been watermarked with the url for the Game’s social networking site. Hmm…

It looks like it might be a promo reel Fiddy put together to show distributors, to see about having the film show in theaters, or released straight to DVD, or whatever it is they’re planning on doing with it. You get the idea that Fiddy went out and shot this garbage on his own dime, and without the input of any of his TI handlers. I can’t imagine that they would have thought this is a very good idea.

As a matter of fact, I was reading an interview recently – I can’t remember who it was, but I want to say it was Treach from Naughty by Nature, though I’m at a loss for why I’d be reading anything about him at all recently, unless he died or something. Anyhoo, the guy was talking about how Fiddy’s been studying the film business for the past few years now, and he knows how to make a shiteload of money without spending very much on a film.

And I do seem to recall, a while back, Fiddy talking about how he only had so many albums he owed Interscope, and once he was done with that, he was about to get into the movie business, where all of the real money is.

At the time, I thought he was talking about trying to become the next Will Smith. But could it be that this is what he was referring to? Becoming the next Ghetto D-era Master P? This doesn’t seem like a very good idea to me at all.

Then again, Fiddy Cent did once make $400 million in a day. I’ve never even made $400 in a day. What do you fruits think?

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  • OG Matt Herbz

    There’s something to be said for niggaz like me and 50 who actually mean shit when they say it. Like when 50 was fighting his bitch ex in the street and he yelled, “I’m a have some niggaz burn yo house down, bitch!” He actually did that shit. And when they asked me in 3rd grade what I wanted to be when I grew up and I said, “A Muthafuckin White Nigga, bitch, you better ask somebody!” and sure enough, here I stand today at the peak of manhood, screaming “White Nigga Til I Die!”

    All you other niggaz is just talk.

    –OG Matt Herbz–

    • dj nice wit it

      how does it feel BOL? to be a fat faget!!! Dam internet thug blogger!!

  • Worley

    “some of those life is hard in the ghetto movies back in the 1990s.” Hilarious.

    50 is just the man to resurrect that whole scene.

  • amar

    u got it all wrong-the old fiddy would follow through. The new fiddy is all about exploiting publicity stunts to the max. Just like he retired after losing to kanye, he’s gonna release this.

    On second thought, he’s really into the movie thing lately, so maybe he will relaese it after all. Sad though, cause get rich or die trying was actually decent for a rapper movie. Now he’s gonna go and fuck taht up by releasing some master p type shit as u said

  • ri067953

    Yo, 50 ain’t got no career in the movie industry unless he is going to use that money he’s got to produce some shit. Didn’t he get cut out of the promo’s for that Deniro/Pacino movie because the producers found out 50 doesn’t really have a fan base any more. His time is up!

    • EReal

      No fanbase = 780K First Week?

      Kill Yourself.

  • allnice

    50 is trying to be like fucking Tyler Perry now….Great, more bad movies about the hood or populist bullshit.

    Movies and music are art. You have to be somewhat intoxicated to make good art. It doesn’t matter if you prefer beer, sex, or that good old chronic smoke. Intoxication allows you to focus on the best of what you love. It is as close to perfection as you can get.

    How can you trust a nigga to make good art that fucking drinks vitamin water and works out like a bitch? He has no respect for his craft. Hollywood is obviously done with Fif. He probably crossed the line somewhere. Because if he could still make Hollywood movies why the fuck would he want to do some Tyler Perry/Master P/Camron Paid in Full bullshit?

    • TEZZY

      how can you trust a nigga to make good art that fucking drinks vitamin water and works out like a bitch?

      LOL how does that even make sense that was the dumbest shit i ever read like you would trust him more if he smoked weed drink lean and snort coke this nigga must be a lil wayne fan

    • west philly’s finest

      Paid in Full was the shit Cam’ron in Killa Season is probably more what this is.

      Matter of fact that’s who he got that put a movie out with your album shit from anyway.

    • anonymous

      Paid in Full was kinda good. What that movie ever did to you?

  • og bobby J

    fif is the essence of a hustler…trust me, he isnt doing anything that he is not going to benefit from. In all likely hood, he will start up a production company and get that 20th century fox money, while these flea bag niggas talk about choppin bricks….

    switch ya hustle…sandbags

    • TonyStackz

      Yeah But the Thing Is that he sucks
      Balls at all of that!!!

  • DV8

    yeah thats Chauncey from Menace 2 Society or Pinky from Friday After Next

    Gotta give it up to Boo-Boo. Dude be hustlin for real.

    • anonymous

      Don’t he though. Talk about a real live hustler.Dumb as this sounds, he put the h in dat. Fiddy ain’t got nuffin’ on him.I don’t care whether its sanctified movies, gospel plays, hood movies, or straight to DVD dreck, ol’ boy gone find a way to get paid.


    His lips look like they’ve been burnt on many a crack pipe. HAHAHA THATS FUNNY AS HELL. ALSO THAM BOL YOU NEVER MADE OVER 400 IN ONE DAY.

  • droopey

    In Righteous Kill, Fiddy was terrible I could barely understand what he was saying. If he does want to get into the movie business atleast let it be producing.

    Or maybe guest appearances on Entourage and shiet.

  • VEe

    Damn, this new XXL site still is horrible. Who’s idea was it to make sure that all the type is in ALL CAPS??

    Funny piece.
    People can say what they want to say about 50, but don’t underestimate him. He has a serious work ethic that produces results.

  • jmill1224

    As much as he has pissed off the hiphop world. I can see the nigga doin an ice cube and some shit. Fif’s biggest problem is he too fuckin up tight and an asshole to make a film like are we done yet or some shit. them corny ass kiddie movies are bullshit, but if u can make the “other” kids laugh, they’ll give u an open checkbook.

  • justice4All

    Who cares?


    blah blah blah

  • ollie montaine

    the movie was on the same level as belly 2 with where would i be without dr.dre {the game},he doing big things for a lil dirty nigga from queens,if russians are from russia and japanese are from japan where on the map is nigg3r or negro,or even cracker honkey,where are these countries on the map