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The crackhead stays in the picture

When I heard Fiddy Cent was gonna make a movie to go along with his new album, Before I Self Destruct, I should have known he was gonna do it.

A lot of these rappers say they’re gonna do something, and it never ends up happening. Or it takes like five years for them to do some shit that should have only taken a few weeks.

Take for example Snoop Dogg. It’s been such a long time since he began saying he was gonna do another album produced entirely by Dr. Dre, I can’t even remember when it was. I was probably like 13 years old at the time. I’m sure it’s still gonna happen though.

Of course, the difference is that Fiddy Cent doesn’t really mess around with weed and alcohol and what have you. While the rest of us bums are sitting around self-medicating, Fiddy Cent’s running on a treadmill and drinking Vitamin Water.

And they say living right helps you stay focused, mentally. I wouldn’t know, though I’d say I’ve managed to remain fairly prolific. Maybe I’m just that good. Or maybe I’m about to hit some sort of a wall. Fiddy Cent, on the other hand, is fully focused, man.

Hence, for example, Fiddy Cent claiming a few years ago that he was gonna do a video for every song on The Massacre, and then, come to find out, he actually did. He was shooting extra low budget videos that no one would actually be interested in seeing back before it got all trendy.

Still, hiring some chinaman to film you mouthing the lyrics to rap songs out on a street corner in front of the projects is one thing. But how in the fuck did Fiddy Cent find the time to direct and star in an entire feature film in what couldn’t have been a very lengthy amount of time?

I was checking the Internets just now, and I see there’s actually a trailer for Before I Self Destruct. It doesn’t look like it’s gonna be any better than, say, Master P’s I Got the Hook Up or some shit, but it does look like he actually did go and make a film.

The only actor I recognized is a guy who I think might have acted in some of those life is hard in the ghetto movies back in the 1990s. He may have been in Menace II Society, but I can’t say for certain. Whoever he is, something tells me he didn’t cost much. His lips look like they’ve been burnt on many a crack pipe.

Also, I should note that this might not actually be a real, according to Hoyle trailer for Before I Self Destruct, though it does consist of footage from the film cut together as if it was. It doesn’t mention how or when the film is gonna be released, and I notice it’s been watermarked with the url for the Game’s social networking site. Hmm…

It looks like it might be a promo reel Fiddy put together to show distributors, to see about having the film show in theaters, or released straight to DVD, or whatever it is they’re planning on doing with it. You get the idea that Fiddy went out and shot this garbage on his own dime, and without the input of any of his TI handlers. I can’t imagine that they would have thought this is a very good idea.

As a matter of fact, I was reading an interview recently – I can’t remember who it was, but I want to say it was Treach from Naughty by Nature, though I’m at a loss for why I’d be reading anything about him at all recently, unless he died or something. Anyhoo, the guy was talking about how Fiddy’s been studying the film business for the past few years now, and he knows how to make a shiteload of money without spending very much on a film.

And I do seem to recall, a while back, Fiddy talking about how he only had so many albums he owed Interscope, and once he was done with that, he was about to get into the movie business, where all of the real money is.

At the time, I thought he was talking about trying to become the next Will Smith. But could it be that this is what he was referring to? Becoming the next Ghetto D-era Master P? This doesn’t seem like a very good idea to me at all.

Then again, Fiddy Cent did once make $400 million in a day. I’ve never even made $400 in a day. What do you fruits think?

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