BLOG: SDN Tournament – And The Winner Is…

Not Hov.

Ron Mexico: Welcome to the final installment of ESDN First Hate for this 2008 SDN Tournament. Jemelle, Dana, Stuart, Skip, Scoop, Skap, Scallywhop, Jackpot, Billy X. Sunday and the rest of the ESDN staff want to thank you all for your attentiveness and participation.

Before we announce the winner of the final matchup between Division A’s #8 seed, Diddy and Division B’s #14 R. Kelly, I’d like to take this time to request a round of applause for all 32 of this year’s contestants.

All: *emphatic booing*

RM: Now that she’s awake, I’ll turn the floor over to our own Dana Jacobson to announce the winner.

Dana Jacobson: *scrambling to podium* *swiping at Ron Mexico* Thank you, Mexico… You fucking whore bissh.

RM: *mouthing silently* I love you too. *blows kiss*

Jemelle Hill: *to Ron Mexico* This bitch is wasted.

RM: *nods head*

DJ: Before I announce any so-called “winner,” I wanna say I voted for Diddy 5 times. So if he’s not in this envelope… then FUCK SDNs. FUCK XXL. Fuck Ron Tijuana or whatever the fuck… and FUCK TOUCHDOWNS!–

RM: *snatching envelope away and pushing Dana to floor* That’s enough of that shit. *fingers letter* Wowsers! Taking only 51.7% of the final tally, 2008 SDN of the Year Award goes to… Drumroll, please.

DJ: *slurring from floor* BETTER BE DIDDY!

RM: Robert “Trapped In The Interview Chair” Kelly!

All: *boos with a smattering of cheers*

Stuart Scott: Kells couldn’t be here tonight to accept this award, so I’m gonna take it for him. *turns away from podium but quickly returns* Oh, yeah. BOOYAH! *walks away*

RM: *to Jemelle Hill* I always hated that nigga.

JH: *nods head*

Other awards we were unable to present include but are not limited to the following:

Halle Berry B.A.P.S. Award for best Cinderella: Karrine “Superhead” Steffans

Tournament MVP: YouTube Diddy Blog

Game Changer: BET News YN Toure

Shit. I’d better ask if I got permission to say “YN” around here.

Questions? Comments? Requests? As happy as I am to get back to your regularly-scheduled Negro Pleasings?

Yesterday was fun. I miss that. We’re back to that shit Monday! Yung Berg is back… Niggas is feelin real frisky this fourth quarter.

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  • Pierzy

    Wow. What a tournament. How could I ever underestimate a guy that made an R&B “epic” with 22 chapters (so far?) complete with midgets? Damn.

    Excellent work, Mex! You’re like Digger Phelps & Dickie V. combined… Seriously, good work.

  • Ron Mexico

    thank you, brohammond. it’s been a lot of extra work, but it’s worth it if y’all enjoy.

    and i’m sooo ready to get back to our usual media chin-checkage.


    • Pierzy

      No lie – not only was the concept of an SDN tournament brilliant, but your execution of it was flawless too. Aight, I’m done kissing your ass…

  • GangGr33n

    Aww mayn was goin for Diddy here,anyways this was still a good tournament.
    Bettr knock Gyant off his pedestle, i mean sofa midgets been getting awfully cocky recently( prolly the new terrence dean)

  • amar

    congrats to mr. kelly, though i’m still unsure why he’s smart.

    I wonder who the top prospect is to take the sdn crown for next year. a young up and comer? a veteran? somewhere in between?

    i predict kanye or lil wayne having an ultimate sdn year

    • Ron Mexico

      great question.

      i’ve got my eye on charles hamilton… not because i think he’s dumb, i just think he’s gonna say something uncharacteristically stupid one of these days.

  • geico lizard

    stuart scott does way too much cooning for me. you wouldnt know this guy went to college the way he acts and rich eisen and all the guys who work with stu have gone on to bigger and better things but he is still stuck at espn tap dancing for the man with his lazy eye. diddy is just lucky that his craziest blog dropped after r kellys interview because diddy and his oj havent had time to get around the internet as fast as kellZ did.

  • Simple like ABC, 123

    Ohh shit, Diddy lose by 3.4%???
    I want a scrutiny of all vote!!!

  • Simple like ABC, 123

    SDN Rookie of the Year: Plies

  • Worley

    Congratulations to Mr. Kelly. Let’s give it up for Kells again:

    “All: *boos with a smattering of cheers*”

    You gotta get the DDN tournament going. Jim Jones is way out front.

  • Arcey

    @ Amar: I’d say he’s smart due to:
    - avoiding trial for 6 years
    - hiring lawyers who got him off
    - some of the songs like “I Wish”, “Ignition (remix)” and for which some stans still feel like he’s not guilty
    - the 1st 12 Play album
    - and the fact that dude is rich even if he can’t read…

    but that also makes him dumb cuz with all this money & being over 40, he coulda took classes since a long fucking time ago. SMH.
    He also fucked up the best of both world concept (that could’ve been big 4 real) and let Lil’ Wow Bow & Omarion run wit’ it

    Congrats Kellz!!!

    • amar

      @arcey: in terms of the music, I’ll take your word for it, I dunno enough to comment.

      In terms of beating trial, all you really need is money and a shitty-ass north american judicial system on your side. Check.

      And lastly, if make music+get rich+not be able to do something completely unrelated to music (ie read) makes you smart, then Tony Yayo, who is loaded, but has the IQ of my sperm, must be a genius. I’ll take illiterate over retarded any day (fyi that’s my typical criteria for picking women)


    y`all can suck my dick!!!

  • anutha_level

    superhead was the sleeper in this tourney for sure…wit her stankin ass. but i actually/personally thought Earl “what the fuck is a barack?” Simmons to take it all…so i’m kinda hurt. BUT….kels did his damn thing man, can’t front on illiteracy.

  • that nigga

    ESDN Tounament>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>NCAA Tournament!

    But seriously.

    Great fuckin’ job Ron! This shit was hilarious. Its gonna be hard to top this with whatevers next.

  • Young History in the Making

    I predicted that shit from the jump lol…kells was born to take that title lol….awwready..

  • DJ Daddy Mack

    this is bullshit. i went hard [ll] for diddy. i voted 10 times and went to mad forums. but u know what ill take dis:
    Tournament MVP: YouTube Diddy Blog

  • Shawty J

    I can’t believe I slept on Kells the whole tournament. I would’ve put up money on Diddy being crowned King SDN. Good thing I didn’t

    • Ron Mexico

      kelly stole it from puff like kansas stole it from memphis.

  • c b w

    Kells is the G.W. Bush of the music game. This muhfukka here came in and did whatever the hell he wanted to do and we allowed it. Damn! Damn! Damn! Good times.

  • EReal

    Damnit man! First Dark Man didnt make it to the finals, and now Diddy is dethroned by the Mighty Pisser.


    I second Yo Woy Ply for rookie of the year.

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  • KjB

    Sage Steele would have been at the awards show but she was umm… busy… uh… Vote or die?