BLOG: Lil’ Wayne Must Need To Pay His Weed Carriers Better

"The Cash Money star’s assistant, Terry Bourgeois, explained to the judge that marijuana is 'something we always have' on Lil Wayne’s tour bus. He went on to reveal the rapper only smokes 'dro' and then explained what the name is short for, ie 'hydroponically grown' pot. Weezy, all the while, sat with his head in his hands as his assistant dished the news, TMZ reports." -XXLMag.com via TMZ

I've only paid attention to the last couple seasons of Entourage, but dare I ask--would Turtle, E or Drama roll on Vincent Chase like that if he got pinched?

Me thinks that's why you shouldn't be fuckin with a nigga named "Bourgeois" any got damn way. As far as I understand, Wayne is on trial for illegal firearms. This assistant pimp is on the stand reading a "Choose Your Own Conviction" book--adding charges and shit.

Court Officer: Please state your full name.

Terry Bourgeois: Terry Bourgeois, sir. But everyone calls me "Bourgie nigga."

CO: Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, so help you God?

TB: I do. I'll give you more than that because this ain't even about just the guns. He be doin drugs on that bus and everything.

Judge: That's enough, Mr. Bourgeois. Counsel, please approach.

Prosecutor: Mr. Bourgeois, Do you remember--

TB: I remember eeeeeverything. This nigga Wayne be havin weed all the time... and he don't smoke no regular weed. He smoke that shit that's close to heroin as possible. That's how he ask for it. He say "go get me the closest shit to heroin as possible."

Judge: Mr. Bourgeois, mind your language in my courtroom.

TB: I'm sorry, Your Honor. Sometimes I get a little carried away. That's why Mr. Carter hired me. My enthusiasm, you know? But like I was sayin, Mr. Carter do just like how in the song say.

Lil Wayne: *head in hands* *mumbling* Awww, God.

Prosecutor: Which song are we talking about, Mr. Bourgeois?

TB: All of them, really. But I was talkin' bout that Duffel Bag one in the beginning where he say "weed and syrup 'til I die. Matter fact it's gon' kill me, 'cuz you ain't, bitch."

Defense: Objection! Relevance?

Pros: The lyrics mentioned accentuate Mr. Carter's lifestyle and propensity for drug use. They're also aggressive and threatening in nature. It's like he's challenging us to stop him.

Def: Your Honor, they're just adlibs! He's liable to say anything on his adlibs when he's gone off that syr--... Umm...

LW: *head in hands* *mumbling* I want my daddayyyyyy.

I am in no way condoning perjury or suggesting that people purjure themselves for shithead rappers. I'm just asking if any of that testimony is necessary? I don't think the tree and type of dro are the matter at hand. Meanwhile, the defense is trying to get the case tossed on the grounds of unlawful search. Police always say they smell weed on a nigga. As soon as they confirm chocolate man status, they got their excuse ready.

This is what a properly-compensated weed carrier says:

"I was not present for any marijuana use if there was any. I don't recall smelling any either."

Not:

"Well, I usually get him a $9,600 dollar bag of Maui Wowie from Mr. Nice Guy when we're in New York. He asks me to manicure the bag for seeds and stems and once threatened to pistol whip me with one of his many illegal firearms when a seed popped out of his blunt and burned an underaged Nivea on her exposed vagina."

Accomplished and aspiring Myspace rapper negroes, please listen closely.

Loyalty like that shown above comes at a price clearly below market rate. If you're riding dirty, the day you get popped will come. I only know because I get popped riding clean regularly and I'm just a regular-ass nigga. On your great day of rapster judgment, the way you've treated your handlers and ancillary negroes will either set you free or have you in a courtroom crying for Birdman with your dreads in your lap.

If you break them off with nice tips and shit around holiday time and let them get seconds on your groupies and what not, your carriers reward you in your time of need. If you have your man cop a ribeye steak for you and a #4 at White Castle for himself, you're setting yourself up for a scenario like the one detailed above. Don't be surprised when he lifts $7 million worth of jewelry from your bathroom sink or worse.

I'm not saying niggas shouldn't be happy with whatever they get. I'm just sayin you already know how niggas be.

I can't help but think about Weezy berating his entire team on stage during a performance shortly after the poppage. When he put douchebag bullets into the back of their heads execution style for all of the hood to see, he kinda sealed his own fate.

Let's hope nobody wants to lick the rapper when Wang gets to the bing.

Questions? Comments? Requests? Need some suggestions for Doja Day? ron@ronmexicocity.com

Be kind to your dojas and weedcarriers. You may need them to NOT roll on you in court one day.