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BLOG: Jay-Z, Nas & T.I. Can’t Match Jim Jones Swagger

I thought that headline might get your attention.

Our favorite dirt angel is back. No, not with another record… Just talking shit, as per usual.

“All these n*gg*s have been around and they still not doing nothing. They trying to catch up to me right now, literally. I’m the point of interest right now. Who’s been more relevant than me the past three years as far as New York is concerned?  As far as style, fashion, speakin’ my mind, political awareness and stuntin’ on n*gg*s. Ladies love me. Police know my name on a first and last basis. They respect me for a [being a] G. They ain’t trying to lock me up for weed, so I’m having a ball. I probably smoke like a half an ounce a day. N*gg*s know how instrumental I am to New York. There’s no one gonna be able to do what I’ve done as far as the work I’ve put in, the things I’ve accomplished, and the things I’ve escaped unscathed for another 20 years. I don’t have to have nothing out and I still shut sh*t down. Me and Juelz [Santana] go on any stage in the world and shut the whole thing down.” -Jim Jones, Rhapsody Play Blog interview

Who the fuck smokes a half ounce per day? That’s not no damn boss. That thurr a fuckin pothead with a bad case of the rambles. I’m not gonna sit here and tell you weed is bad, children. It can have you watching Ninja Warrior all day instead of handling your responsibilities, but Lord knows I enjoy my little cheebas from time to time. Ain’t no thang. However, if you smoke a half-ounce per day, not only are you leaking money, but you’re one of those rare weed fiends who’ve smoked themselves touchdown.

I didn’t believe weed fiends existed until this one girl straight up offered to sick my duck in exchange for coming upstairs with me and tokin on a fuckin dime sack of haze.

Weed Fiend: I’ll roll it, Ronnie. And after we get high I’mma need you to shit on me.

Ron Mexico: Excuse me? You mean like… wear it out and not call you or something?

WF: Nah, I mean like… You know. Take a shit on my stomach.

RM: *screws face* Ewwww!

So after I shits on the bitch… Wait, what were we talking about again? Oh, yeah. Dirt Angels and how they smoke too much. Right.

Even at my stoniest back in college I could never bring myself to blow half a zip in a day. Knowing the Jones daily smoke ration explains Dipset/Robin Byrd Gang music and philosophy much better than trying to hold conversation the man.

Speaking of “talking to the man,” police knowing your name on a first and last basis is not some shit to be proud of. If you’re Frank Lucas, it means they almost got you. If you’re some mid-level player or lower, it means you’re a walking snitchfest. If niggas think you’re snitchin, they ain’t trynna listen.

When a police officer is nice enough to spare the rod and greet me verbally I may reluctantly do the same. I don’t tell him my name, address, who my peoples are, where the fuck was they at, what the fuck was they doin… etc.

Sounds like both a precursor and conduit to the snitching behavior Jones.E condemns earlier in the interview.

“They said one of the bouncers ended up getting slapped. I don’t know what happened there. They ended up putting a warrant out for my arrest after that. I got locked up. [The security guard] had an order of protection but the judge lifted it. I had to do fucking community service ‘cause a n*gg* snitching. It ain’t nothing but some b*llsh*t assault charges. Suing is a form of snitching when it comes to them type of situations.”

Did this moron just say “suing is a form of snitching?” Ain’t nobody need to snitch on Pigpen ass. One, maybe the bouncer involved was on a first and last name basis with some polices.  Two, if Jimmy slaps someone all they gotta do is go to the courthouse the next business day. Jones could slap a nigga on Friday night, Monday morning the plaintiff could walk into the courthouse and the judge would know what time it is.

“Ugh. You smell like you’d been around Jim Jones this weekend. Court is adjourned! *GAVEL SLAMS*

For the record, lawsuits are bidness transactions. Kinda like those he discussed in this interview when referring to Juelz Santana:

So, Cam selling Juelz contract for $2 million is false?
He made some money off the transaction. But this ain’t slavery. Ain’t nobody sell nobody. That’s the difference.

Later in the same interview:

Former Byrdgang member Max B has been posting videos taking shots at you and saying an alteraction took place between you two. What are you thoughts on these?
There’s one thing about YouTube, people get up there and say what they want, but there’s never, ever any proof. If there was anything I’ve ever done, believe me, somebody validated would tell you about it.  And besides, I own him. From the crown of his head to the soles of his feet. So, you tell me when his album’s gonna come out? He sold his publishing to me for like 100 stacks for whatever the bail was when he was cryin’ to me to get out of jail. That’s my sneaker money. I own him. He signed to me. Not no Asylum. He won’t be coming out with an album anytime soon.

So, any deal he does, he has to go through you?
Yeah, I’m the Don Dada. You gotta come speak to Daddy. I’m Steinbrenner in the situation. Who’s your daddy?  Dada.  Padre.  Me. Let’s get to that.

I thought this rap shit wasn’t slavery? Massa Jones is talkin real big for a non-slave owning white man from the great state of Pississippi. Nigga said he owns Max B from the crown of his head to the soles of his feet. That sounds to me like maybe you could sell his contract down the river to buy some more oxen or something. Maybe one of them inside-the-house bathtubs I keep hearing about at the town market.

“Nas was never on my level ever. Ever.”

STOP! Hold it right the fuck there.

Jim Jones should not be allowed to compare himself to Nas’ shaving scum. I don’t even gotta drop the Big Joker, Little Joker and deuce of diamonds that are Illmatic, It Was Written and Stillmatic. For agrument’s sake, let’s say Nastradamus is Nas’ worst album. [Blogger's Note: I really don't mind it that much.] Jim Jones ain’t never gonna have a Nastradamus in him ever. Ever. Then again, there’s a reason why only the damn Rhapsody blog and his YouTube-ready camera phone want to capture his pearls of wisdom.

Addressing Jim’s outlandish claim in the lead quote, he and Juelz can go on any stage in the world and get forcibly scrubbed down and relieved of their costume jewelry. Otherwise, there are no guarantees for a Dipset/Byrd Gang/Skull Gang/I Can’t Find My Chain show.

This all comes from the same delusional nigga who thought he was intentionally ignored for the original “Swagger Like Us.” Nigga, don’t nobody with respect for themselves want Jim Jones on they record. You gotta be bout ready to suck dick for coke to have your label pay Jimmy Jones for a verse when you could get… I don’t know, Tity Boy or some shit for cheaper.

To his defense, I do hear niggas say “You lookin like Jim Jones” from time to time. Unfortunately, it’s never a compliment. Neither are these detractory comments about Rocawear:

“[Jay-Z] was able to dictate sh*t. But that was because Dame [Dash] was around him and gave him a little bit of ‘cool’ factor. Sh*t, what can he dictate now? He’s dressing like me. I seen him with some skull scarves and some Louis Vuitton scarves and all types of sh*t. That ain’t Rocawear. If that’s what you own, you should be vested in what you own. You should be wearing that sh*t all day because it should be some fly sh*t that you wanna have on. It should be like Ralph Lauren where you know I got some fly sh*t. But no n*gg*, you see him dressing like me and turn Rocawear into skulls and shit. [Laughs.]“

Why is Dame Dash present and why is Jimmy doing the One-Eyed Willy finger grip around his meat?

Only a bum nigga like Jim would wear his own clothing ALL THE DAMN TIME! He already wears the same clothes ALL THE DAMN TIME. Do you know how much of an ass Nelly looks like with a big ass VOKAL on his chest? Don’t you know the average back-of-the-XXL reader is laughing at the artists wearing billboards of clothing labels that even their most stalkerish fans wouldn’t spend their FEMA checks on?

Ugh. I could see the label now. “Dirt Bag for Mens.” That shit comes sweat-stained and sour-smelling right off the rack. Homeless on the corner have swagger like Jones… Swagger like Jones… Swagger like Jones.

Negro, Ple– *begins sneezing motions* AKOO! Sorry. It’s so cold in the D. How the fuck we supposed to not sneeze?

T.I. need to take his AKON clothing back to the African Market with the tube socks and winter hats shit.

Questions? Comments? Requests? What happened to your Goonie face? Why you not doin’ the Goonie face?

Don’t forget to vote for Diddy or R. Kelly in the SDN Tournament Final! Voting ends tonight at midnight! We’ll crown our champion in the morning!


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