He’s Got 99 Problems…


I don’t care how hardbody you keep your shit at some point you are gonna have issues with your bitch. It just be like that sometimes. You could be the greatest rapper of all time and you will still have to deal with the bullshit that these broads manifest.

Eric B & Rakim – ‘Mahogany’

So even if the god MC has to put up with these chicks what makes you think that any lesser rapper won’t have to get put through the ringer? The best of the best get broken down by these scandalous chicks. Look at your man G Rap. He got Karinne Steffans pregnant. You see what that got him? Kool G Rap can’t get a motherfucker to listen to his lisp. Meanwhile Superhead is a rap music superstar without spitting one serious bar. Plus Superhead doesn’t spit, she swallows. Zing!

I’ll be here all week internets.

NaS stays having issues with his baby boos because that is the lifestyle of a don. I remember hearing a radio interview with the little homey several years ago and he didn’t even sweat the fact his ex-bitch was getting all scandalous in the newsprint. NaS took it in stride like this was what happens in Holly’hood. Everybody passes around their broads and its nothing. NaS was going through the heartbreak of just losing his mother so I don’t think any trifling heifer could rattle his cage. Not like your boy Eminem got broken down.

I feel for Eminem because that dude loved his baby momma ridiculous. She must have been tongue kissing his asscrack as hard as she smoked the crackpipe because Em was sprung. He’s considered suicide over that chick several times as well as getting arrested and all sorts of property damage from him just wilding out in his mansion. Eminem was clearly one of the greatest rappers to ever touch the microphone, unfortunately, a bitch was definitely his problem.

I can’t say that a bitch was ever Fifty Cent’s problem. He has pretty much held his baby momma in check. There was that time she jumped up out of pocket and hired that dude Raoul Felder, but that didn’t net her too much paper. That is why homegirl burnt down Fifty’s crib on some Left Eye bullshit. Fifty stays winning though because he is transitioning himself to be a media magnate while homegirl is about to get Section 8.

Diddy stays having chick problems. Cassie, Siena Miller, Aubry O’Day, Kim Porter, Mysa. The list goes on for Diddy. If Diddy has 99 problems that means he has 99 bitches. T.I. got chick problems. Cop ass police ass man titty ass Rick Ross has bitch problems since he fucks with Foxy Brown. Even Busta Rhymes has bitch problems and everyone knows he’s teh ghey. KanYe ain’t got no girlfriend but he still has bitch problems. Which brings me to my final question…

Why don’t Jay-Z have any bitch problems?

Is his G just that melliferous? Is Jay-Z the greatest mack in our lifetime? Even Sinatra had problems with these whores. Even J.F.K. I’m not trying to bring down the House of Roc-A-Wear, er, Dereon, but I don’t never hear a peep from them. Jay-Z needs to smack the shit out of BeYonce before the end of this quarter just to remind her of who he is. I know BeYonce has to be getting all uppity now that she is using skin bleaching cremes and the what not. Jay-Z needs to remind that chick that she is still Blacker than Obama no matter how much of that Ambi she uses.

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  • grant ny

    lmao good post, but i bet jay dus have problems he just aint tell no one, and t.i cant have problems he got like 10 kids and he wants more!!

  • OG Matt Herbz

    Jay-Z has simply replace his affection for pussy with an affection for FORTUNE. I’m still half and half, you know, I mean, I stacks paper, but at the same time I can’t turn down no pretty brown round, runnin’ round town, nahmean?! But, man, all bitches are the same, just like my hoes, you know? I keep em broke. Wake up one morning with some money, they’re subject to go crazy you know? I keep em lookin good, pretty and all that,
    you know, but no dough. When I get a bitch, I got a bitch…

    –OG Matt Herbz–

    • http://www.prettypancakes.com amar

      someone’s been studying the shit outta nas and raekwon albums


      • akaTheRealist

        She got that Wisdom Body…

  • Neven

    Jay Z has problems he just know how to hide it around the media and wasn’t it a couple of years ago the media tried to blame him for cheating and he slipped out of that.

    Kool G Rap can’t get a motherfucker to listen to his lisp. Meanwhile Superhead is a rap music superstar without spitting one serious bar. Plus Superhead doesn’t spit, she swallows.

    THAT made my day

  • sarkastixxx

    You just wasted my time reading this blog. Sort of entertaining until the last paragraph. Don’t quit your day job.


  • og bobby j

    “She must have been tongue kissing his asscrack as hard as she smoked the crackpipe because Em was sprung.”

    That shit had me dyin…

    Anyway….did Jay knock up some dominican smjut on the big pimpin set? Jay got no problem cause his ugly ass landed a certified dime….i bet she runs shit and makes him remeber who upgraded who….

    no homo…but Jay is top 5 ugly nigs…up there with ODB, coolio and them….

    But you right…Jay need to make sure he supplies a certified Mushroom Stamp on Beyonce forehard every thursday night….just so she knows….

    • http://www.prettypancakes.com amar

      hahahahaha good point about the uglies. Don’t forget rick ross though. His face is broken.


    • 619

      You forgot the worst of the worst:
      Bushwick Bill
      Flavor Flav;
      Top of the top 5

  • capcobra

    i agree that bey upgraded hov 1000%…homie sprung..he left his boys..he retired to follow beyonce around the world…popping up at shows…made a million duets professing his love…made up with nas..married her..hid his kid and all…what happened to iceberg slim that made the song cry?….ever since that “frontin” verse he’s been on some get old and settle down shit….can’t blame him tho’…smh

  • Worley

    B is still making her own money so she ain’t fussin’ with dude. When she “retires” and stays home with the n*gga for a while she’ll be ready for her half of the fortune without having to let a 40 year old n*gga stick it. That’s when the problems will arise. Give it another 5-10 years when she’s looking for some young n*gga to remind her of how sexy she used to be.

  • http://www.prettypancakes.com amar

    nas is too high all the time to let his woman problems show

    eminem was in his post-drug stage when he let his show

    fifty likes t3h c0ck, so why would he care about t3h taco?

    Diddy suppresses his chick problems by making ridiculous blogs. The worse the blog, the worse the problem. I believe there’s 25+ terrible blogs up now?

    Jay-z? Man, none of the guys above dated anyone has as smoking AND famous AND rich as beyonce. Kelis? pfft. Jay-z’s either gotta be her bitch, or get that charlie’s angels bitchslap.


    • Dub Sac

      nas is too high all the time to let his woman problems show

      THAT shit’s hilarious.

      eminem was in his post-drug stage when he let his show
      THAT is inaccurate. He’s had a song on pretty much every album about how much he hates Kim and wants to kill, and this was before the courts ordered him to clean up. They’ve been makin’ each other crazy since Em hit the scene.

      Anyways, just saying.

  • DV8

    Beyonce probably has been raised to know her role and play her position. Just like momma knowles. All I can say about Jay and Bey is time will tell. As far as everybody else you spoke on, I’ll wait till they get a girl as bad as Beyonce or better to even kinda wonder about what female problems they having.

  • Pierzy

    Why don’t Jay-Z have any bitch problems?

    Two reasons:

    1. Beyonce has a MAJOR career so she doesn’t have a lot of down time to think about shit to bitch about.

    2. Larry Johnson. ‘Nuff said.

  • http://xxlmag.com Billy X. Sunday

    Pierzy said “Larry Johnson”.


    Jay-Z’s “roommate”

    • Pierzy

      What? Don’t all millionaires live with their male-model “friends”? No, they don’t? Oh.

  • Mike

    you gotta be kidding!?? This is all you can write about, another man and how he swings his D$ck? Dam homey maybe you should go out more and get some ass cuz for a man to write about another man’s johnson is truly GAY, or jealous. You better wise up the top brass are gonna be looking to trim the fat, and your ass might have to work for or with EW.

  • 619

    Dippin’ in and outta lanes, focused I’m a G
    Gotta get back to the house, before the spouse call the p
    And I can’t do it, I’m so not good with the law
    Lil’ cK Smoke hit me like ‘nah’, like ‘man hit me tommorrow’
    I’m good, I gotta stay up
    My chick wanna lay up, but county jails a pay cut!

  • geico lizard

    your post is right billy x because amil is the closest we have heard to jay having a woman problem and he just fired her so that is even better than just dumping someone. now amil is working at walmart like one of those life comes at you fast moments.



  • styles11

    men you niggas are killin me you and ron mexico are on fire this week even all the comments got me rollin and wakin up the neighbors(not that i care of course).

    But seriously jay got bitch problems everyone knows that when u hav bitch problems you focus on your career more and thats whats happenin with jay and b. And all u niggas should stop tryin to lick beyonce’s silicon ass I prefer kelly rowland any day to that makeup enriched, skin bleachin, pinup diva (diva is an insult these days means she a female version of bobby brown and arnold schwarzenegger combined..no homo……thats nasty thou forget i said that) but she is the hottest babe married to an ugly rapper (ojbj u killed again).
    man thats some irreplaceable shit 4 real jay could go down like wall street if she dumped him