Contact Us

He’s Got 99 Problems…


I don’t care how hardbody you keep your shit at some point you are gonna have issues with your bitch. It just be like that sometimes. You could be the greatest rapper of all time and you will still have to deal with the bullshit that these broads manifest.

Eric B & Rakim – ‘Mahogany’

So even if the god MC has to put up with these chicks what makes you think that any lesser rapper won’t have to get put through the ringer? The best of the best get broken down by these scandalous chicks. Look at your man G Rap. He got Karinne Steffans pregnant. You see what that got him? Kool G Rap can’t get a motherfucker to listen to his lisp. Meanwhile Superhead is a rap music superstar without spitting one serious bar. Plus Superhead doesn’t spit, she swallows. Zing!

I’ll be here all week internets.

NaS stays having issues with his baby boos because that is the lifestyle of a don. I remember hearing a radio interview with the little homey several years ago and he didn’t even sweat the fact his ex-bitch was getting all scandalous in the newsprint. NaS took it in stride like this was what happens in Holly’hood. Everybody passes around their broads and its nothing. NaS was going through the heartbreak of just losing his mother so I don’t think any trifling heifer could rattle his cage. Not like your boy Eminem got broken down.

I feel for Eminem because that dude loved his baby momma ridiculous. She must have been tongue kissing his asscrack as hard as she smoked the crackpipe because Em was sprung. He’s considered suicide over that chick several times as well as getting arrested and all sorts of property damage from him just wilding out in his mansion. Eminem was clearly one of the greatest rappers to ever touch the microphone, unfortunately, a bitch was definitely his problem.

I can’t say that a bitch was ever Fifty Cent’s problem. He has pretty much held his baby momma in check. There was that time she jumped up out of pocket and hired that dude Raoul Felder, but that didn’t net her too much paper. That is why homegirl burnt down Fifty’s crib on some Left Eye bullshit. Fifty stays winning though because he is transitioning himself to be a media magnate while homegirl is about to get Section 8.

Diddy stays having chick problems. Cassie, Siena Miller, Aubry O’Day, Kim Porter, Mysa. The list goes on for Diddy. If Diddy has 99 problems that means he has 99 bitches. T.I. got chick problems. Cop ass police ass man titty ass Rick Ross has bitch problems since he fucks with Foxy Brown. Even Busta Rhymes has bitch problems and everyone knows he’s teh ghey. KanYe ain’t got no girlfriend but he still has bitch problems. Which brings me to my final question…

Why don’t Jay-Z have any bitch problems?

Is his G just that melliferous? Is Jay-Z the greatest mack in our lifetime? Even Sinatra had problems with these whores. Even J.F.K. I’m not trying to bring down the House of Roc-A-Wear, er, Dereon, but I don’t never hear a peep from them. Jay-Z needs to smack the shit out of BeYonce before the end of this quarter just to remind her of who he is. I know BeYonce has to be getting all uppity now that she is using skin bleaching cremes and the what not. Jay-Z needs to remind that chick that she is still Blacker than Obama no matter how much of that Ambi she uses.

Recommended For You

Around the Web

Best of XXL

Leave a Comment

It appears that you already have an account created within our VIP network of sites on . To keep your personal information safe, we need to verify that it's really you. To activate your account, please confirm your password. When you have confirmed your password, you will be able to log in through Facebook on both sites.

Forgot your password?

It appears that you already have an account on this site associated with . To connect your existing account just click on the account activation button below. You will maintain your existing VIP profile. After you do this, you will be able to always log in to using your original account information.

Please fill out the information below to help us provide you a better experience.

(Forgot your password?)

Not a member? Sign up here

Sign up for XXL Mag quickly by connecting your Facebook account. It's just as secure and no password to remember!