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BLOG: Diddy Acquires Enyce, Working On Polyester Blend Remix

“So I got Zac Posen. That’s on the high-end. I got Sean John, who’s very multicultural lifestyle brand, and then I have now, boom, Enyce… I’m the king of the remix, so if you wanna know what I’m gonna do, I’m gonna remix the brand and make a hit like I make my records.” -Diddy, Diddy Blog Special Bulletin via WSHH

What Puffy meant to say:

“..and then I have now, boom, Enyce so niggas who just came home from 10-year bids can still feel good about their wardrobe.”

I already know how he’s gonna use his marketing power to “remix the brand.” Get your monday night TiVo ready for Making The Brand on MTV. Enyce is about to get sent to Junior’s for a single slice of strawberry cheesecake.

Unfortunately, Puffy’s artists are already the Enyce of the music world. I don’t think plastering Day 26 and the remaining unfucked portions of Danity Kane with cumbersome 1995 jiggywear is going to make good on this puchase.

I can guarantee this “shrewd business decision” won’t make Business Week or The Wall Street Journal as anything short of a new television series is destined to fail. I mean, Puffy had to remind us what the shit was called because we ain’t seen Enyce since Montell Jordan’s “Somethin’ 4 Da Honeyz video.

Enyce shit was so lame, they didn’t even bother to blur their logo in the 90s.

“Ah, fuck it. It’s just Enyce. Save the manpower for those Tommy Hilfiger logos.”

I’m just wondering what the fuck happened in those preliminary talks. Did Karl Kani ask for too much?

[Blogger's Note: I sure could go for a t-shirt whose massive brass plaque emblem outweighs the garment.]

Warren Puffet has inspired me to do more than just write these funky-ass blogs. I’m going to reinvest my XXL checks into the community. I’m buying all the bootleg 90s shit. After I corner the Tommy Gear market, I’ll be in prime position to strike a deal with the African tube sock vendors. I might be able to get them shawties back on the corner harassing people to get their hair braided.

They say they want to bring the 90s back. That’s okay with me. That’s where they refined me at.

I’ll reserve my official “Negro, Please” ruling on this matter for the next decade or so. I wouldn’t be surprised if Puffy really is smarter than I think. This old man play may just be one step ahead of the hipsters. Enyce is just kinda old right now. In 10 years it’ll be Members Only old. Might be a goldmine.

*scratches head*

Quick! Somebody loan me $40 so I can buy majority stake in Cross Colours.

Questions? Comments? Requests? Don’t have fried chicken and champagne for breakfast at your place?

P.S.: I thought Jay-Z was the Black Warren Buffet. I was listening to some sincere shit the other day. I really believed him. Oh, well.

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