Crap Music Is For Retards…

wang birdbrain

So here I am in the local liquor store about to trick off on myself because I got some money sent to me from the tall Israelis at Harris Publishing. I talk a gang of shit about Harris putting out all of those gun magazines (who buys that shit anyhoo?), but I love these motherfuckers when I see that envelope in my mail box. Don’t you ever get it twisted, your boy is coin-operated.

So as I walk to the counter to buy my Belvedere my side eye catches some poster ads for a new vodka brand. A sparkling vodka?!? Can you say N.E.G.R.O.tastic? Only Black people would fuck with this shit. The shit is called NUVO and I laughed out loud at the retarded bottle this shit comes in. Turns out that the same crazy Russian that made Hpnotiq in his bathtub (true story) is the guy putting this swill on the streets.

If glass bottles weren’t phallic enough this NUVO shit is inscribed “For Her”. Haha, what a riot. What isn’t funny is that the poster had pictures of Lil’ Wayne and T-Pain in a nightclub setting enjoying NUVO with some of their lovely model friends. I can imagine NUVO going nicely inside of a styrofoam cup. Oh shit! Is Birdbrain dyeing his hair blonde? Damn you BeYonce!

wang birdbrain

Selling fake classy liquor to dumb negroes is nothing new, word to Lando Calrissian, and the same fools that sprinkle their eggs with diamonds just to make their poop sparkle will love this sparkling liquer.

Lil’ Wang was given the honor of being the best rap lyricist in 2008 from the highly credible front office of Black Entertainment Television. Wang wasn’t even the best lyricist in the month that his latest album debuted. I wonder if Black Thought was even nominated? It’s a good thing that the Carter III is being re-released with new songs that hopefully some talented ghostwriters have given to Wang. The stream of consciousness rapping by inserting words that rhyme but have no coherence is washed up. It’s time for Wang’s ghostwriters to give this man a song that makes some semblance of a point. Yes, we understand that your teeth shine like the Easter rabbit, and is that all?

This is one of the reasons that I say that cRap music has been making its listeners retarded. When you can be hailed for lyricism, and you have NO lyricism we have entered the Bizarro zone. Hip-Hop is dead party people. Welcome to the funeral. I suppose in a way that there is really a poetic justice to Hip-Hop’s demise.

In the beginning for Hip-Hop, everything was all about getting cold retarded. Right now, the most important rapper in the game is a stone cold retard. Okay, that is incorrect for me to say, he is more like a mental cripple. I think thats fresh though because cripple has the root word ‘crip’ contained inside of it and Crips are definitely Hip-Hop. Nahh, but for real internets, meet Laz D from Oregon. He is differently-abled yet still taking his love for Hip-Hop to higher levels.

Laz D @ MySpace

I respect this dude because he raps for the love of it. This kid will never be in a liquor ad or doing some shit that gets him arrested for no fucking reason. He won’t be pinched by the police on a tour bus holding drugs and an unloaded weapon. He is not going to be raping women and defiling them with his urine. Everything that I ever loved about rap this kid embodies. The passion, the work ethic, the sense of community. The advantage homey has is that the second he grabs the mic to go in he is immediately gonna spit some retarded shit. In a way, Laz D is more progressive than even MY favorite rappers. I’m not even mad at the lil’ homey for letting his Source Mag jewelry hang low.

I’m tired of arguing about who is the most lyrical rapper alive. That’s nonsense talk. I’ve seen the future of rap music and it is only being made by retards.

  • og bobby j

    cop the termanology album…and the statik selektah joint…best albums of 208 thus far

  • Stefan

    Laz-D

    Holy shit, this guy is my new favorite rapper. From Lake Oswego, no less. Hot damn. I had no idea that we had such banging MCs in my area.

  • Joints

    Laz D is old news homie. I hope you have retarded children, thinking you’re funny.

  • http://xxlmag.com Billy X. Sunday

    Laz D ain’t old news nigger, Laz D is the future.

  • http://www.prettypancakes.com amar

    hahahahha man, u just wait. Jim Jones is soon gonna be talking about “I was the first to go into the liquor business. Syzzurp. Now everyone’s copying me. Puffy and Wayne are copying me.” This is gonna be great.

    Have u see the surac or w/e commercials? Celebrate life responsibly? HAHAHA.

    http://www.prettypancakes.com

    • EReal

      Yo, forreal Amar, like Puffy celebrates resonsibly.
      Thats why he head cracks dudes for protecting their fiancees and has like 30 illegitamate children. LOLZ!

      I can hear Jimmy now, “Yo, Doofy, I was the one, I made potato liquor out in harlem and mixed it with kool aide mix and sugar, when noone was doin it like that!!”

  • EReal

    The listening public votes on the best lyricst and they pick Eminem.

    BET picks the best lyricst and its Wayne.

    Go Figure right?

  • texasleen

    preach!

  • http://xxlmag.com jmill1224

    its bet, i’m not sure why yall are surprised, just like ozone except its a televised coon show!

  • DV8

    *stands up and claps in applause*

    co-sign

  • El Tico Loco

    I thought that was a cheap ass perfume lol

    BET thinks lil wayne is the best lyricist

    Mtv classifies Chris Brown as a hip hop artist

    viacom stays losing in my book

    • kne81

      that’s the thing though you got these publications and station saying that singers are hip hop artist it’s been going on for years.Every time I hear that I just shake my head these ppl clearly doesn’t see the difference.

  • capcobra

    remember when biggie won best lyricist over nas?….shit happens

  • http://www.myspace.com/sinistahmoneybagz Sinistah aka 7Body Sin

    BXS, i see dat same gay ass poster everytime i cop a $50 of Henney (a real mans drink) shit makes me laugh, not only is da color gay, but i never even noticed the “for her” shit……

    The Anti-Retard MC

    signing off bitchez!!!!

  • ri067953

    Yo, Billy that Nuvo shit is in the new Luda video. They got him pourin that shit up all in the video. And to Sinistah, yo time to upgrade to the X.O.

  • http://xxlmag.com Billy X. Sunday

    The same jerky boys tat made Hpnotiq make this NUVO shit. They got it in the Jadakiss video too.

  • kne81

    I don’t really care for this NUVO crap Lolz looks like that shit will give you stomach problems.I’d rather stick to my cognac;you know V.S.O.P., X.O., and 1759 or some shit like that by Remy.That’s true Billy ppl are praisin rapper that makes no kind of sense,or sayin somethin of no relevence,meanwhile good M.C’s are gettin slept on cuz the shit they spittin is WWAAAYYYY over their heads they rather hear rappers that sound like they can barely read a sentence (sounds familiar???..Mr. I’m Too Cool To Read???) spit some shit that is LITERALLY retarded.

  • BORN IN THE NORTH, RAISED IN THE SOUTH

    Wayne is now widely hailed as the best lyricist in Hip-Hop; George W. Bush has been the president for the past 8 years. Coincidence? I think not…..

    • master cheef

      that’s funny, but bush isnt fooling anyone anymore. everybody knows he’s the worst ever.