First off, I’d like to thank all of you for submitting your personal nominations for the Baddest Chick In The Game Tournament.
Upon receipt, I got right to work and filed nominees in their respective brackets before getting started on the most coveted category, WIFEY. You guys suggested 25 potential wifeys, so with help from some of XXL’s staffers and bloggers, we narrowed the field down. The panelists were Tha Office staple, Rob The Music Editor, Scratch Blogger Gooch, Negro Please Blogger Ron Mexico, Block On Lock Blogger Billy X. Sunday, the site’s Editorial director J-Rod, Associate Photo Editor (and the man with the best iTunes in the office) Mike D and myself.
Any chick who didn’t make it onto the Wifey bracket automatically became eligible for the Jump Off bracket. In the end, Keyshia Cole, Keisha Knight Pulliam, Ashanti, Zoe Saldana, Maia Campbell, Latoya Luckett, Kelly Rowland and Vanessa Simmons didn’t make it and the no.1 seed came down to a showdown between Alicia Keys and Beyonce. Here’s how the discussion went down.
[Panelists Study All 25 Nominees]
Rob The Music Editor: Vanessa Simmons?!? Are we for real? Rihanna aka Bonk’s Great Adventure?!? Hell nah!
Mike D: I reluctantly keep Jessica Biel in there, but I don’t think she’s wifey status at all. And Beyonce sucks, I say she gets removed with emphasis on the cardboard public persona she has made for herself so she can do L’Oreal ads. If Alicia Keys doesn’t win it’s a damn shame.
Jackpot: Damn, Mike! If Jessica Biel isn’t wifey, then what is she?
Mike D: A lotta time in the gym and some bad collagen injections.
Billy X. Sunday: She is MILF status fam. You still want Jessica Biel on your resume, fuck. I still want Phoebe Cates on my resume, but I am so old school.
J-Rod: Ha! She don’t even have a kid! She can’t be Milf bracket. She’s J.O. status. Come to the crib late night. And don’t tell anyone.
BXS: I thought that broad was prego last year? But hold on, you say J.O. status? Nahh fam! Sneaking her thru the crib would be keeping her on Invisible Girl status. I WANT fools to know I smashed that.
Jackpot: Chuch! Tabarnacle, Preach! I’d blog about it and send email blasts.
BXS: I just seen a pic of MYA and that ass is right. Mya > Maia >>>> M.I.A. But I would still have to beat M.I.A. yelling out S.L.U.
Mike D: Oh shit, yes big big cosign for Mya!!! She can have Jess Biel’s spot.
Jackpot: Mya has had tons of nominations for the jump off. She’ll prolly end up in that bracket. You don’t wanna wife a chick who will be “riding riding” by yo job, crib and yo momma house. Jump off she is. But I’ll tell everybody anyway I beat.
Mike D: Couldn’t disagree more, all them hussies you got on the Wifey list could easily slide to jump offs! Mya is premium goods.
Jackpot: It’s more like damaged goods, Mike. She went to the Ozone Awards.
BXS: If this was pre-2000 then Mya would still be wifey stat. I feel like too many industry cats have already hit that. Quiet as its kept your boy at MTV fingerbanged her at the TRL Christmas party in 2003. Yeah! I still need to smash Jessica Biel tho’ because I had the massive Fantastic Four comic collection back in the day.
Jackpot: By the way Billy. We’re talking about Jessica Biel. It sounds like you may have her confused with Alba aka Sue Storm in those two horrible movies.
BXS: Damn Jackpot, you ain’t lie I’m all fucked up now. Jessica Biel do karate and kung fu shit don’t she? Yeah, I would hit that too. Jessica Alba is def primo MILF snatch.I still say your boy fingerbanged Mya.
Rob The Music Ed: Mya fucked Shyheim the rugged child- that automatically excludes her from the wife bracket!
Mike D: I rescind my Mya nomination. I have been schooled.
Ron Mexico: Cassie and so fuckin goode like I’m sleepin wit Megan were excluded for being jumps. Mean jumps, but jumps no less. Keyshia Cole is the ideal project wifey. She even got a Frankie. Perfect! Rudy has held together but nah, son. Maia ain’t been in the house in 10 years. Ashley is past due too. Nelly gets negro please of the young millenium for passing on Kelly Rowland for Ashanti’s chipmunk ass. All the rest of these girls can come in through the front door.
Gooch: Megan Fox is a jump off, i’m sorry. So is Nicole Sherzinger, ask Jimmy Iovine.
[Panelists Deliberate And Reveal Brackets]
2. Alicia Keys
3. Christina Millian
4. Paula Patton
5. Lauren London
6. Meagan Good
7. Kerri Washington
8. Joy Bryant
9. Dania Ramirez
12. Jessica Biel
13. Nicole Sherzinger
15. Keri Hilson
16. Megan Fox
Mike D: A.Keys is the #1 seed, if it really came down to it and both wanted to be the wifey which one would you pick, the soulful Ms. Keys or fake ass Beyonce?? And with all due disrespect, Rihanna should be #16
Jackpot: I think I may have to go with Beyonce, though. She said she can cater to me. Alicia may be try to mess with my side pieces.
Rob The Music Ed: I love Alicia and think she is the best thing on earth- FUCK SNAPPLE! But Beyonce rightfully earned her number 1 spot. I’m faithful to my Boo A.Keys but truth is truth!
J-Rod: Beyonce. Her new video. Period.
Mike D: Beyonce is the Queen of all Jump offs! You wanna hang out with her after you smash? Talk about Dereon? She is a jump off hands down. The only reason the public and you guys give her wifey status is cause Jay bagged her.
Jackpot: Probably don’t want to talk Dereon. I wanna sneak out, hang with my buddies and tell them how good my wifey is.
Ron Mexico: Millian is too high. Rihanna and Kerry Washington is too low.
Gooch: Alicia probably got hairy arms. Fuck her!
Jackpot: I would love to.
Gooch: Matter fact, move A. Keys down, move Shwarzenegger up, move Jessica Beil up, move Ciara up.
Rob The Music Ed: Nah Gooch! You buggin! Nicole Schwnzinger (or however the fuck u spell that shit) be looking manish at times. I’m pretty sure she ain’t Jamie Lee Curtis or nothing, and I’d still beat, but she do be looking MAN-ISH in the wrong light.
What do you guys think? Did we forget about somebody? Should somebody be lower, higher? Talk to me.
Make sure to tune in next week as we reveal the Jump Off bracket.