Um, define teenager

If you was charged with something, and you were found innocent, then you can’t be found guilty for being found innocent. – R. Kelly, Esq.

R. Kelly’s handlers must be concerned about the effect his infamous, hilarious sex trial has had on his career.

How else to explain the fact that he recently sat down for a 60 Minutes-style interview with Toure on BET, in which the trial was discussed, supposedly for the first and last time?

If I somehow managed to get away with videotaping myself taking a piss on a 15 year-old girl, you wouldn’t be able to ask me shit. I’d be like OJ Simpson, after the verdict was announced in his trial, back in the day. I’d be out looking for the real killers!

Er, in this case, the real pissers. Roffle.

I guess the difference is that, in the case of OJ Simpson, his career was pretty much over at that point. The Naked Gun film series had already pretty much run its course. And even if it hadn’t it’s not like he was about to be in any more movies, with everyone knowing he got away with killing a white woman.

His marquee value was all fucked the fuck up.

Fortunately, he was able to move down to Florida, where he could still draw his pension from the NFL, and there wasn’t anything the Goldman family could do about it.

Whereas, R. Kelly probably couldn’t draw a pension if he wanted to. I’m not even sure if there is such a thing in the music business, unless you’re one of the TIs. (These artists might seriously want to think about starting a union or some shit.)

Plus, R. Kelly’s still got a fairly viable career. The guy continued to put out hit albums during the entire six year span of his trial. If anything, as they touched on in the interview, it may have taken him to a new plateau creatively. Relatively speaking, of course.

The thing is, he put out that song “Hair Braider” earlier this year, and no one seemed to give a shit. I’m pretty sure I heard it at some point or another, and I couldn’t tell you how it goes. It’s definitely been his least successful single since forever, and the TIs at his label must be thinking this is due to the trial.

I wonder, though, if that’s really the case.

I know I heard some rumblings at the time about program directors at radio stations hesitating to put the song into heavy rotation, for fears that people might be upset that he actually managed to convince a jury that wasn’t him on that tape.

But I always took that to mean that they were just gonna wait it out and see if the song was gonna be a hit before they bothered with it. These were, after all, corporate-ass radio program directors. I seriously doubt they would have given a rat’s ass about people’s feelings, if “Hair Braider” were the next ignition.

Or who knows? Maybe the TIs are right. You know radio’s gonna be playing “Love Lockdown,” if they aren’t already. And however bad “Hair Braider” was, it wasn’t that bad.

So the TIs had Arruh go on BET. I guess they figured he might be able to tell people whatever he needed to tell them for them to stop thinking of him as a pedophile, and he could go back to cranking out those hits. This despite the fact that everyone knows he’s functionally illiterate.

As it turns out, this might not have been the best idea in the world. It’s not so much that he did any further damage to his brand, so to speak. But I can’t imagine that anyone who felt that this guy is a serial child rapist who ought to be banned from radio would come away from it feeling any different.

What the Oprah Lobby wanted R. Kelly to do is admit that he lives to pee on underage girls. And Toure kept pressing him to do it, but Arruh wasn’t about to go there. Which was a good move, I think. As I’ve mentioned before on this site, I question their ability to ever get more than a few fruits to participate in an R. Kelly boycott. As good as those motherfucking songs are?

Hopefully, Arruh’s handlers take this as a lesson: There’s not anything he could say during an interview that could improve his situation, and most people don’t give a shit anyway. If R. Kelly really wants to get back on top, he needs to focus on making another “Ignition” and stop letting the Oprah Lobby dictate the course of his career.

  • http://xxlmag.com Bol

    I wonder if they’ve managed to fix the comments section.

    • yo

      this site fucking sucks now…xxl get this shit together!

  • http://xxlmag.com Bol

    Nope, still fucked!

    • Pierzy

      Just wait until everybody realizes the site is back up and they can act tough again…

  • te noh

    What up All Hip Hop! Great makeover!

    Anyway, hilarious drop.

  • http://xxlmag.com Cal

    (These artists might seriously want to think about starting a union or some shit.)

    And with abortions like Tyga chewing bills just to floss his mum’s money he may need to check into that!

  • LEO

    Whereas, R. Kelly probably couldn’t draw a pension if he wanted to. I’m not even sure if there is such a thing in the music business, unless you’re one of the TIs. (These artists might seriously want to think about starting a union or some shit.)

    I remember hearing DMX on a song called “The Industry” talking about starting a Union…and I did hear that he was actually speaking to other artists about that shit, I just think DMX is the wrong person to get behind when it comes to some shit like that lol…but yeah…R-Kelly is a pisser lol

  • LEO

    I just think DMX is the wrong person to get behind no homo lol

  • DETROIT

    “You know radio’s gonna be playing “Love Lockdown,” if they aren’t already. And however bad “Hair Braider” was, it wasn’t that bad.”

    CO-SIGN

  • Jhon da Analyst

    That nigga is dumb as fuck. Literally. I saw excerpts of that interview on Jimmy Kimmel, and damn I was embarassed that I’ve supported this brother’s music for the last ten years. Fuckin dumb bastard….However, If he keeps puttin out hits I’ll listen…….what da fuck???!!!

  • TheCo!!inB

    “te noh says:
    What up All Hip Hop! Great makeover!”………..*dies**resurrects**dies again*

  • http://www.asdf.com Hey

    The new layout gave me a half-er.

  • http://www.myspace.com/uptownempire Trouble

    Bottom line is R. Kelly has made some of, if not the best, R&B music thats come out over the last 10+ years. If he can go back to pumpin out albums like TP-2.com and Chocolate Factory, people wont give a damn about this trial. Besides, hes a musician not a role model. With the shit he sings about people know hes a freak, appreciate the music and keep it moving.

    And just because he has bad interviewing skills doesnt mean hes illiterate, hes just bad at speaking on the spot.

  • Jhon da Analyst

    Trouble……………dat nigga is dumb as fuck. Okay, maybe he isn’t illiterate, he’s just inarticulate. What a damn shame. Hey, I went to public school too. Jesus!!! Did this motherfucker go to school or just to the “L” in Chicago singin and shit. Awww fuck…..this nigga has kids. Shit, we need to start doing like China. 1 motherfuckin child or else this society is gonna get dumber than it already is. Word.

  • DV8

    All I know is R.Kelly should not be allowed to speak on TV or Radio unless he is singing. But what else should we expect from the man who recorded himself pissing on a teenager?

  • droopey

    Kells needs to release ‘Screamer’ but he has to clean it up for radio play.

  • Smel

    Can we also discuss the fact that when he was back in Profyle (an early 90′s R&B group) before his solo career, R. Kelly gives Aaliyah a shout-out at the end…calls her “little” and “cute”, all under the guise of shouting out various girls’ names??? (youtube it -it’s at the end, during the fade out)

    But how many girls you know out there named Aaliyah….in the 1990′s, before THE Aaliyah got real big. NONE. If I was diligent enough, I would check the recording date of that song against Aaliyah’s birth certificate…..but I’m not.

    Oh, and I stumbled across this while listening to a *~**OLD SKOOL EARLY 90′s!!!*~* type playlist on iMeem, just fyi.

    • REALTALK

      @Smel

      R kelly was never in the group profyle.

      He was in a group called MGM and then went on to found Public Announcement. Then he went solo.

      • Smel

        Truuuu……must have got the groups mixed up but it’s the song “She’s Got That Vibe,” and it’s DEFINITELY R. Kelly’s voice…

        *Googles it* Yes it was Public Announcement…

        And you didn’t have to yell @ me!!! (j/k re:the all CAPS prob)

  • anon

    New XXL site fails.

  • YO

    This new site is the ghey

  • Medina

    Maestro!

    Fuck’s up with the caps on this bitch???

  • Medina

    FUCK IS UP WITH THE CAPS???

  • justice4All

    1st. R.Pissy is don…..wait, this site still sucks!!!