Good morning, bitches. This is ESDN First Hate. I’m Ron Mexico.
The opening round of the SDN Tournament is finally complete. Round one was a shitstorm of Smart Dumb that saw some buzzer beaters (i.e.: RZA def. KRS-ONE), upsets (i.e.: 50 Cent def. Nick Cannon) and blowouts (i.e.: Lauryn HIll def. Trick Daddy).
The sweet 16 is no different. Here’s who you [collective] decided should advance.
Ron Mexico City’s Analysis of Division A Matchups:
#1 Kanye West vs. #8 Diddy
They both love to bitch and whine for attention. Diddy’s been doing a much better job of late. Plus he can afford to put orange juice on cereal. Fuck the milk prices! Gasoline next time. That’ll be the ballinest video ever.
#4 Lil Wayne vs. #5 The Game
Some of us have learned recently that Lil Wayne is entirely too cool for all that reading and shit. Others have had such an inclination all along. The Game’s reputation precedes himself to the point whereas he could handle one Mr. Paper Trail on his way back to the booty house. Weezy isn’t safe here.
#6 Plies vs. #14 2Pac
Both are coming off of impressive wins (Pac’s more unexpectedly so) and have SDN strength compounded by the fact that neither have made recent news. I had Plies in the finals in my original bracket and I’m sticking to that. His Lil’ Jon showing has me finna ask him about his bailout proposal.
#10 Superhead vs. #15 RZA
Superhead crushed a weak opponent, but the combination of apparent ignorance on her part and rampant misogyny on ours leads me to believe that she has a chance to advance. RZA knocked out a KRS-ONE I had slated to make the Elite Hate, but the readers may not feel as strongly about the dooooloololooloooop when placed against the Best-Selling, Anal-Bead Showing, Martin Lawrence-in-Bad-Boys car-jumping Wondercheeks.
Ron Mexico City’s Analysis of Division B Matchups:
#9 Lauryn Hill vs. #16 50 Cent
I’m gonna toss my reservations out the window and say 50′s gettin the shit kicked out of him. L-Boogie might break 80% on his ass.
#4 DMX vs. #5 Shaquille O’Neal
If people are starting to lean on X’s dumbness and give less credit to the smart, this one could be closer than initially expected. Shaq made a push this year by not retiring, dropping the Kobe verse and taking his wifey back after she side-stacked. X hasn’t been smart since 1998. I don’t know how far It’s Dark and Hell is Hot can carry a man I had slated for the finals in my original bracket.
#11 Lil Jon vs. # 14 R. Kelly
The Pied Piper may be unstoppable after asking for a lifeline when questioned about his affinity for grassless fields. Lil Jon is a posterchild for SDN syndrome, but then again, so was Nas.
#7 Flavor Flav vs. #15 Papoose
I don’t think the dictionary is long enough to save Pap from the man Chris Rock believes need be shot in order for Black America to progress. Chris Rock must have been reading my column. I felt like he dropped at least 5 Ron Mexico-isms Saturday night.
Voting will open tomorrow morning @ Ron Mexico City and close Friday night.
Questions? Comments? Requests? As shocked as I am that the SOHH Boys are no longer in the house tonight? email@example.com