Don’t think that the irony of me knowing Lil’ Wang’s birthday is lost on me. I once accused the dearly departed Noz of knowing all of his favorite rapper’s birthdays. The only reason that I know Lil’ Wang’s born day is because it is the same day as mine. So now that Lil’ Wang is turning 21 and he can legally buy his own prescription cough syrup I thought I would give him some advice from one drug addict to another.
XXLMag.com columnist Billy X. Sunday does not endorse the abuse of prescription and or non-prescription narcotics, depressants, stimulants, barbituates or any controlled substances**
**Unless you have some
So where should I start? I suppose the most popular drug of choice is the one called Syrup, or the Lean, or the motherfuckin’ Drank. I’ve never fucked with this shit because I always had enough money to buy liquor, or at least a 40 ounce. People that create drugs from household shit like cough syrup and band-aids should get some kind of MacGuyver award for drug abuse.
The same for people that get high off industrial shit like paint, and paint thinner. I never sniffed glue or none of that industrial shit because I would never get within twenty feet of that shit. That shit smells like housework to me and I ain’t got no time for that. Imagine me getting high off Windex to the point that I am cleaning my coffee table ten times a day. I ain’t got no coffee table in my apartment since I sold it for crack.
Crack cocaine is having a resurgence in entertainment circles. I blame all this Rick James and 1980′s nostalgia. It wasn’t the chemical makeup of cooked cocaine that made it so addictive but the gold leggings and the flattop haircut. I hope Lil’ Wang steers clear of that crack cocaine shit. Sonn is already less than a buck on the scales. He might get so skinny that he will be back to rocking his old jumpsuits by Osh Kosh B’Gosh (no Cam’Ron).
Speaking of Cam… Weed is still the shit and definitely something that I would like for my birthday party. A nice big fluffy Z of that good white boy shit they grow under the Kleig lights. Something with some orange and purple hairs growing from the buds. Smooth shit like that you don’t roll up in a cigar. I get out my grandfather’s chalice that he came up on during a stop in the Philipines. Rolling Dutches is for the uncivilized people that don’t know how to use a fork or knife.
When all else fails there is always alcohol which is pretty much legal to everyone older than sixteen. At least in Alaska I think it is. That’s why the VP nominee is 44yr old grandmother. This is what Wang should celebrate his birthday with. A bottle of that champagne that he was supposed to be coming out with unless that deal fell off the table in which case he should prA’li just go back to sipping that lean. I wonder if Wang can get an endorsement deal with Dimetapp? That’s what his management should be working on his birthday.
Happy birthday Lil’ Wang!