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Get it together, Kanye

You know what’s gonna be suck balls?

The new Kanye West album, if this song “Love Lockdown” is any clue as to what it’s gonna sound like.

Seriously, what the fuck? Is Kanye still upset over the break-up with his fiance? Is this whole album gonna be nothing but him whining through a vocoder about how lonely he is?

But I thought he was the one who dropped her like a bad habit?

If that’s the case, I wonder if she’d still take him back at this point. As attractive a woman as she is, you have to wonder what her prospects are at this point. I’m not saying she won’t be able to find a brother to drop it off in her. After all, she knows where she can find my email.

But obviously, I’m not gonna be able to provide anywhere near the level of the lifestyle she became accustomed to in her days with Kanye West. If the two of us were to get together, it would be more like she was supporting me. And you know the average black chick isn’t gonna go for some shit like that, regardless of how much money she has.

She could have an amount of money that’s literlally infinite (like Oprah), and I’m sure we’d still be having arguments about why I’m not trying harder in life. How come I can’t just be like Kanye and actually make something of myself.

“Maybe it’s because I’m not into the same gay shit as Kanye,” I’d argue. “At least my schlong still works. That’s all that matters, right? It’s not like we could ever possibly run out of money”

You see my reasoning. But I doubt she’d be able to. I’m not saying she’s a gold digger. I’m just saying. Clearly, there’s something hardwired into a woman’s psyche to where money could never not be an issue.

And the problem with Kanye’s ex-fiance Alexis’ prospects post Kanye is that you’d have to think that any brother with an income suitable to pull that level of trim is also gonna be apt to “upgrade,” as I like to call it.

It’s the reason why you don’t see a lot of black athletes with smoking hot black chicks: If you’ve got that kind of money, why not just go for the ultimate prize? (Ladies, don’t hate me. Hate Michael Jordan. I’ll never have anything that could be considered a prize.)

Best case scenario, maybe she could trick Eddie Murphy into impregnating her.

Or who knows? Maybe I’m a little bit off in my analysis, and this really is gonna work out well for her. All I’m saying is that, if Kanye West really is distraught to the point where he’s cutting R&B records, he might just need to break down and spend whatever it’s gonna take to convince her to come back home.

I’m sure pride would cause her to want to front, but what else is she gonna do?

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