England > The D

I couldn’t help but find the news, earlier today, that Juelz Santana had been kidnapped and robbed over in England somewhat anticlimactic, in that there’s no real evidence that it even happened.

All there is, so far, is a few blog posts with no named sources and no links to any more reputable news organizations.

I consulted Google News, and I see the only sites there reporting on it are SOHH and Media Take Out, and I wouldn’t be surprised, knowing those two, if they aren’t just cribbing their information from those same blogs, without any kind of attribution.

I’m not saying this shit definitely didn’t happen. I’m just saying. Do we even know for a fact that Juelz Santana is over in England? The other day, Cam’ron called up someone’s radio show claiming he was over in Switzerland, buying watches, and I’m pretty sure he couldn’t pick out Switzerland on a map.

And I see there’s a video, today, over at WSHH of Juelz Santana in a field with some n-bombs smoking blunts somewhere over in New Jersey by the Hudson River. When was that taken?

At least in the last big case of one of these rappers getting their chain stolen, when Yung Berg got the crap beat out of him by Trick Trick’s little brother, up in Detroit, there was that hilarious picture of the guy posing with Berg’s ridonkulous Transformers chain.

Then, a few days later, there was the video of some woefully misguided child claiming to be Yung Berg’s twin brother (he’s even got a paper that says so) standing in someone’s backyard in the Chicago ghetto, talking about how he’s gonna shoot Trick Trick et al., if they ever set foot in the Chi.

Roffle.

The thing is, this shit with Juelz Santana over in England sounds like it might have been even more amusing than Yung Berg getting stomped out for his Transformers piece. Certianly more cinematic.

Supposedly, dudes ran up in the hotel over there where Juelz was staying to rob him, but Juelz ended up being escorted out and to another hotel by 5-0. Presumably, Juelz himself didn’t have anything to do with his receiving assistance from the police. Because that would of course be snitching.

But then, in some shit right out of the movie No Country for Old Men, these guys somehow managed to find out the other hotel Juelz was in, ran up in it and robbed his ass at gunpoint.

Damn.

I can only imagine what was going through Juelz’ head when he realized they’d found where he was hiding. He was probably like, “What the fuck? Am I wearing a transponder?”

And that’s not to mention what must have been the sheer hilarity of these guys pretending to be gully, in their penny loafers and with their thick English accents.

Fortunately, we might be in luck. Eskay claims there’s gonna be video having to do with this incident any day now. Whether it’s actually gonna be video of the incident, or just video of a buncha soccer hooligans posing with Juelz’ jewelry.

If it’s the former, it could constitute the biggest L ever taken in the history of hip-hop, even in an age of dudes crying on the phone with other guys and kissing other guys on the mouth. I mean, just imagine the site of Juelz Santana tied to a chair with some Rick Astley-looking dude holding a gun in his mouth. Holy crap!

Which is not to say that I find any of this amusing, or that I condone this kind of violent crime. I’m just saying… aww, who the fuck am I kidding? I can’t wait to see this video.

  • x

    damn bol where do you get your news? xxl news needs to step their game up cause this stuff is never on the news feeds

  • http://xxlmag.com slim

    me too bol! hahahahahaha

  • OnE3nD

    I am over here in tears…you just dropped 4th classic in 2 Years.

  • Yayza

    It’s only Juelz Santana, who gives a fuck about his ass anyway. A lot of cats out in the UK prolly make him look like Richard Simmons. Don’t assume they’re all walking stereotypes.

  • Yayza

    Not to mention, shit is preety close together over there. It isn’t like North America where it takes hours to get from one major city to another, it’s like a five minute walk there. So I have no doubt finding his hotel would’ve been an easy task.

    “I’m alert, plus I paid the clerk, I got it laid out, you think you’re the first nigga I played out? In a two hotel town? Come on now…”

  • Worley

    I seen Juelz in Miami. He’s a scrawny dude. It wouldn’t take much to run up on him.

  • Hold Tight The UK Garage And Grime… UK I Rep Thats Me When I Rhyme!

    Stand Up London!

  • http://AHH Ruste_Juxx

    it would only be funny because of all this big talk them dipsticks, i mean dipshits. you know what i mean. would still be fucked up if its actual footage of this goin down and juelz face is sweating mixed wit tears while hes gettin exposed. would wayne suwoo over there? game would prolly get a tattoo of it on his face. jim?. you know niggaz like jim. call him the woulda kid. wasnt there when it jumped off, but always talk about what he WOULDA did.

    in the words of wu-tang. protect ya neck.

    ps. doesnt young bergs “twin” look like the dark nigga from onyx?

  • http://chlorococaina.blogspot.com Miami_Vice305

    London is gully as fuck. This shit probably happened.

  • anutha_level

    yea…and alla them niggas’ breath prolly smell like ear wax and crab meat…

  • Jerm

    in the words of DMX…”if u flashin it, u must not want it!”

    there u go, berg had that shit coming anyway, he was talkin too much smack n then he got it right bak, and juelz i dont even know lol

  • http://hiphoponmymind.blogspot.com/ DJ Daddy Mack

    JUELZ LOST?

  • KF UK

    Yo he cancelled the concert in Wolverhampton for “unseen circumstances” yep.the UK is full of real grimey ass dudes. This DID happen trust me.

    You dont think UK is real, check GAME gettin run out of London by some Birmingham Mans, check Ja Rule gettin robbed in LDN, check Jagged Edge gettin robbed the fuck up, and now Juelz. Damn its cold in the D? COLDER in the UK man. OFFICIAL.

    i jst wana know how that went down, “gimmie your chain mate”

    “AY”

    “give it up sir”

    “AY”

    ect…

    LOL

  • http://xxlmag.com Billy X. Sunday

    When Bromley or Brixton has a philandering Black mayor then maybe UK > tha D.

    In the summer the D gets colder.

    • KF UK

      yo the only difference between Gordon Brown and Kwame is the lack of skripper parties man. Unfortunatly

  • droopey

    Hmm if the guys were from the “Dutty Souf” you see that? Thats our take on your “Dirty South”.

    But yeah if those n-bombs were from South London yeah it happend, South London is sticky icky no joke.

  • Genral

    Look – I live in south london.

    Your three times more likely to robbed in London than New York.

    Bol – explain that?

    Americans are so insulated. Not that crime is anything to bragg about… I mean damn… you guys have plenty more dumb people than like any country in world. You have like the lowest IQ of all deveopled countries. LMAO

    Trust me if I see anyone of you rappers in London – you’re getting jacked -straight up. You better be able to box we dont play that gun shit.

    • http://www.ronmexicocity.com Ron Mexico

      who’s talking about new york… the safest big city in the universe?

      the song goes “it’s so cooooooooooold in the D!/ how the fuck niggas pose ta have peace?”

      something like that.

      weeeerkin and doin’ tiiiiiiime.

      • KF UK

        Mex im showing you that is the fucking jokest shittest funniest song on the face of this planet. Bitch singin like T pain thru that synth and she aint even meant to! WTF!

        BUT on this topic dude this went down man, Londons no joke at all,the UK is fucked up over here. U heard about the soccer holigan culture, its true man. English culture is built on conflict and kicking ass, when was the last time a shit load of Dolphins fans had some big riot with Jacksonville u know? Its MAD over here man. Check out Wolverhampton vs West Brom Hooligans. thats a picture into how it goes down over here.

        I was meant to go see the other concert in Wolverhampton (my home city STAND UP) and they said cuz of Unforseen circumstance? U might understand this man…IF SHIT DIDNT HAPPEN (like hes sayin) WHY DIDNT HE CARRY ON LIKE SHIT DIDNT HAPPEN? why cancel the LAST show of the tour? why not just carry on like it aint shit? its like WTF?

        i just think the tape needs to be shown OR juelz needs to come up with his chain u know?

      • Uzzee

        Bol, u need 2 get ur factz right, and quit the stereotypin…
        The G’s dat jacked Jeulz are probably sum jamaican bredrinz in black air force onez, not some cockney white dudes in penny laofers.
        London is a grimey city, people get stabbed and shaked on the daily all da tym, it has it’s posh luxurious areas that r finer than anything has to offer and it has it’s grimey ghetto’s that are the breeding grounds 4 yung G’s that venture in2 the posh areas on the weekends…

        LDN Stand up!

        Bol, i guess with all ur seemingly middle class, suburb livin in upbringin uve never been 2 London? Lol. If u had u wud hav seen how COLD IT IZ IN DA L!

        Nyc 1 styll. Bol ur cummin up.

        …1

  • b-ease

    Look – I live in south london.

    Your three times more likely to robbed in London than New York.

    Bol – explain that?

    ^^
    I think you’re the insulated one if you still think New York is the most dangerous city in America. Like you said, its nothing to brag about, but London simply isnt half as gully as New Orleans, Detroit, Baltimore, Chicago, St.Louis, etc, etc,…you get the point.

    And what do you mean, “you dont play that gun shit”? We shoot niggas over her, boxing is on HBO only.

    And I’m not condoning any of it, just saying, y’all niggas aint built like us in general (pause). That’s just facts.

    • Zottapottamottakiz

      the US is soft. anyone who lives out side of the US knows it. i’m not from the UK or the US but i’ve got family in both US and UK and they give me my info. england > the d. nah the rest of the world > the US. stop acting tough you fucking clowns the US is soft face it.

  • DANJA29

    Mason, he was like a brother to me.

  • Uzzee

    Bol, u need 2 get ur factz right, and quit the stereotypin bruv…
    The G’s dat jacked Jeulz are probably sum jamaican bredrinz in black air force onez, not some cockney white dudes in penny laofers.
    London is a grimey city, people get stabbed and shaked on the daily all da tym, it has it’s posh luxurious areas that r finer than anything Manhattan has to offer and it has it’s grimey ghetto’s that are the breeding grounds 4 yung G’s that venture in2 the posh areas on the weekends…

    LDN Stand up!

    Bol, i guess with all ur seemingly middle class, suburb-livin-in upbringin uve never been 2 London? Lol. If u had u wud hav seen how COLD IT IZ IN DA L!

    Nyc 1 styll. Bol ur cummin up.

    …1

  • http://www.theunderwriters.blogspot.com THE UNDERWRITER

    You know what, Bol? I have to say that I didn’t believe that Cam interview either. It just sounded too cute (nolo) to be true.

    By the way, I’m in Alaska buying panties at Victoria’s Secret for Bristol Palin right now. On my African-American Express.

    The Underwriter is the real baby-daddy. Eff that other dude.

  • ONEOFTHEMYO’S

    Man as soon as people gets robbed in another country niggas start talking bout how grimy where they stay at is.It didnt take juelz getting robbed for me 2 know london was hard but dont start that who’s harder shit NIGGAS KILL NIGGAS EVERYWHERE.point blank, and u niggas stop naming U.S cities its crazy over here but imagine fucking serbia,palestine,afghanistan,johannesburg,columbia,brazil,Kingston,haiti(yeah nigga I know some of those are countries) and any other poverty infested place people are crazy and u’ll get killt n e where. On another ignorant note I wanna c that tape 2.

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