Desperate much?

Nelly’s got a new album coming out tomorrow and no one gives a shit. So you know what that means: Time to beef with someone, for the purposes of getting his name in the paper.

Normally, you wouldn’t associate Nelly with that kind of foolishness, but since when has Nelly ever had to sweat being able to sell records?

His first album came from seemingly out of nowhere, i.e. my native St. Louis, to sell more albums than pretty much anyone other than McHammer and probably 2Pac. (Noticing a trend?) And the second album, even if it didn’t manage to sell quite as well, still sort of picked up on its momentum.

Then there was that Sweatsuit album, which I think we all kinda figured would be the final nail in the coffin, as far as his career was concerned, if only for the fact that it was named after a motherfucking sweatsuit. But even it managed to do remarkably well, mostly on account of the country song he did on Suit.

I remember, back when I worked at a K-Mart, Suit was literally the only album I ever sold anyone, the entire time I worked there. I’m not even sure if we had a proper CD section, or if we just had a bunch of copies of Suit stacked up back by the electronics section.

It became obvious to me, though, a couple of years ago, when Nelly put out a single sampling that one K-Ci and Jo-Jo record, and everyone just kinda shrugged and went about their business: Nelly’s career was finally about to go the way of Ja Rule’s career.

But then the new Nelly album never came out. It got pushed back a few months, then it got pushed back a few more months. Then, the next thing you know, an entire year had gone by. I’m not even sure if they bothered to release any singles in the interim.

In fact, the only thing I’ve heard from Nelly as of late is that teh ghey album cover, of him with his rock hard abs (nullus), and those Sean John ads with him in his underwear. So maybe he’s hoping a bunch of teh ghey guys and lonely fat chicks will run out and cop Brass Knuckles just for the artwork.

Also, he’s got a video up on ThisIsFiddy (and hence also WSHH) going at Ice T for having the sheer balls to dis Soulja Boy. So maybe a minor controversy will erupt, people will be reminded that Nelly’s got a new album coming out this week, and it won’t sell as bad as it would have otherwise.

At the very least, maybe he’ll be able to solidify his standing amongst the Soulja Boy community, many of whom were only like 8 years old or some shit when Country Grammar came out. (Think about it.)

Which brings me to my point: Nelly can’t possibly believe half the shit he’s saying about how Ice T is too old to be criticizing Soulja Boy’s music, and about how old people are in danger of being perceived as a bunch of haters, can he?

First of all, despite the fact that he might look younger than I do at this point (must be the difference in lifestyle!), Nelly’s not that young himself. The guy’s in his mid 30s now, and I’m not about to sit here and do the math, but he might actually be closer in age to Ice T than he is to Soulja Boy.

At least Soulja Boy is actually young enough to make such a bullshit argument, both in the sense that he can actually claim to be a young person, and in the sense that his brain isn’t fully formed yet, though it might be about as formed as it’s gonna get.

Also, what’s age got to do with it anyway? If you notice, it’s Soulja Boy and now Nelly inserting age into this, not Ice T, or the GZA, or myself. I seriously doubt any of them (er, us) could give a rat’s ass what age Soulja Boy is.

If the guy’s old enough to make bullshit music, he’s old enough to get dissed for it. If he doesn’t like it, he ought to take his punk ass back to kindergarten, or wherever it is he came from.

You’d think that Nelly would understand this better than anyone, given that he was once involved in a beef, with KRS-One, that basically operated under the same principle.

If only his ab game was as strong seven years ago as it is today. He could have pretended he was 10 years younger than he was and used the same bullshit argument Soulja Boy is using today.

  • kelito-vision

    classic…

  • og bobby j

    i used to like nelly…ba ck when country grammer dropped and I was blazing heavy…i liked the new sound. I still think country grammer was a hot album…not in the sense of great rap records, just a good record for that time in my life. Having said that, he needs to stop making music and tend to Ashanti fine ass….

    anybody even know whats on this weak ass album? I aint coppin it regardless

  • Pierzy

    “First of all, despite the fact that he might look younger than I do at this point (must be the difference in lifestyle!), Nelly’s not that young himself.”

    ^^^^^^^^^
    Thank God for those ‘roids!

  • http://www.incilin.blogspot.com Incilin

    Nelly has an album coming out tomorrow??? Who knew?

  • Nadeem

    Bol Does It Again. Come to think of it Nelly really fell off hot in here was such a jam and know he has body on me with some other irrelevant, and people say Hip-Hop isnt dead its practically 6 Feet Under

  • http://xxlmag.com Cal

    If the guy’s old enough to make bullshit music, he’s old enough to get dissed for it. If he doesn’t like it, he ought to take his punk ass back to kindergarten, or wherever it is he came from.

    ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
    The same goes to soulja boy!!!!

  • Justice4All

    Ummm, who cares again Bol? (As I ignore the fact that this blog is about Nelly).So anyway, why should ‘Ye Tudda even entertain the fact of going up against fisty again? Once you beat a man down, you don’t go back and piss on his foot, he’s already down. ‘Ye Tudda should be focusing on more pressing issues, like how to redo the whole album before the release date to eleveate the “vocoder disaster” from the album.

    (Hopefully I’ve swayed the attention away from Mr. Country Grammer).

  • 239allday

    Wow Bol, I’m proud of you for actually just stating your opinion without your veering off topic with one of your all too usual rants. And there wasn’t as much homosexual references in this post either(I still think your light in the loafers). But all in all, I agree completely with everything you said. I mean, I thought artists were supposed to get better with age, but they’re more like cars because they seem to depreciate. Dude went from “E.I”. to “Stepped on my J’s”…What The Fuck?

  • diggsy

    Damn, that is his album cover? I thought it was the hip-hop version of The Incredible Hulk. Straight to DVD or course.

  • TheCo!!inB

    “stepped on my j’s” is a song I think we all can relate to….cause I mean I don’t know how many times i’ve had some clown step on my J’s and subsequently had to dance about it…..

  • ~S-DOT~

    NELLY HASN’T BEEN RELEVANT SINCE…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….(CRICKETS CRICKETS)

  • ~S-DOT~

    ……………………………………………………………STILL WAITING 4 AN ANSWER HAHA

  • http://www.xxlmag.com Benicio Del Thoro

    I’ve said it before, and ill say it again…

    Murphy Lee, and Kyjuan > Nelly

    That St. Lunatics album was a banger. I think when City Spud gets outta the joint, he needs to get with these guys and revamp the St. Lunatics!

  • Bobo D

    Right on point, Nelly should’nt be worried about Ice-T, he should be thinking how the ucfk did Fergie murder him on his own track.

    Metallica is coming out this week, so its not only obvious that Nelly is a bad rapper/singer, but is also bad at timing.

  • Yaw

    To be honest, Nelly has as much right to criticize Ice T as Ice T had to criticize Soulja Boy. Ice T was releasing a mixtape the week following his interview about Soulja Boy. The releasing of both of these disses is obviously strategic. I agree with you that age isn’t an excuse for the type of music artists make. But then again, if Soulja Boy wants to make music for kids, it’s up to him. There’s nothing wrong with it (even though that i guess, is also debatable). Still, in the end our opinions are just that, opninons.

    • Oneofthemyo’s

      Soulja boii’s music is not for kids the hooks might be catchy but for whosoever has kids yall might wanna keep em away from the lyrics….

  • Jhon da Analyst

    Nelly sucks………

  • capcobra

    nelly fucked up going public wit ashanti…if you gon gon rap for the ladies then you gotta front like you single…if nothing else get married…bitches love married niguz….lol

  • Penelope Rodriguez

    He has a song called “Stepped On MY J’z.”

    Nelly is in his 30s.

    With those statements said, I can’t accept that type of shit from Nelly–rapping about sneakers. At 30?! No. Besides, he already did that with “Air Force Ones” in 2002

  • http://www.asdf.com Hey

    You should’ve taken a slow hip hop news day to address the struggling economy.

  • TheCo!!inB

    2 things Penelope…….1)no one stepped on his AF1′s……2)Again, he didn’t have to dance about someone stepping on his AF1′s……someone stepped on my Steve Maddens at lunch in Chipotle and I gave them a dancing they won’t soon forget…….i think dancing on niggas *pause* is gonna be my new shit.

  • Worley

    This is the first I am hearing about Nelly’s actual release date. Well, I guess it will spawn a few more videos to laugh at and flip through.

  • Moi

    it was named after a motherfucking sweatsuit.
    ^^^
    LOL. a friend of mine and i laughed about this very same thing. damn that was a minute ago. i thought it was a really bad look for ice-t to respond back to souljah boy but even worse is nelly responding to ice-t . . . it’s like an irrelevance contest where the stakes get higher the more time passes.

    LGBNAF>hot in herre

    • Yaw

      Ice-T dissed Soulja Boy first,

      • Moi

        i meant when he responded to soulja boy’s response to his initial diss (that video with his son).

  • BigNat

    man nelly made 1 good song E.I. that was good and i could listen to #1 until they played it into the ground. the rest of the shit he did would get some females to rub ass all over you in the club though. i give his music that much credit that get your eagle on song and hot in here had them going crazy. other than that i can’t think of any other songs he did. i didn’t even know he was having a new album come out hahahahha.

  • http://myspace.com/marko4aoc Marko-V

    Nelly’s career is over. Its like no one is supposed to actually diss Nelly in the Lou or be labeled a “hater” but this dude is the reason no one else can break through with anything other than “commercial rap” and become one hit wonders. By the way, City Spud been outta jail and you ain’t heard ish from dude. Remember when Yayo cam home? Dat nigga had a mixtape out the next week. Niggaz not really tryin to rap no more. They just wanna get paid.
    Myspace.com/marko4aoc

    • Bang

      ’bout time they leave rap!

  • chad bro chill

    you know bol ive stopped reading your posts and after reading this i know why…. cause im a pothead and forgot how funny you are

    im done kissing your ass now nullus

  • Shawty J

    Nelly’s washed up. He really should hang up the mic. I just hope he ain’t blown all of that Country Grammar money yet. Nelly took too much time off between albums and made himself irrelevant. Beside even when Nelly was topping the charts, he was just a fad. Anyone can do Nelly’s “Pop rap” style. His originality died when Chingy came out. All these ringtone raps don’t help either. Now Nelly’s old, doesn’t stand out, and irrelevant….Oh well…

    “I remember, back when I worked at a K-Mart, Suit was literally the only album I ever sold anyone, the entire time I worked there. I’m not even sure if we had a proper CD section, or if we just had a bunch of copies of Suit stacked up back by the electronics section.”

    Hilarious.

  • 6MillionDollarMan

    Nelly used to hot just like ja rule but real talk you have to know when to just sit down and live off yo labor. if you made millions of dollars there should be no reason for you to be in the rap game this long. 50 cent is a brand. Jayz Z is a brand. Kanye West just loves making good music. If you dont transcend music itself or if you not in it to showcase your creativity then give it a rest. Nelly got his money. Let someone else get a chance to make the next country grammer.

  • geico lizard

    if jay z at 40 can call himself young hov i guess nelly thought he could get away with acting like he is soulja boys age. if nelly is so rich with two clothing companies(vokal and applebottoms) why would be need diddys money to advertise sean john thongs, speedos or whatever nelly is wearing? nelly must need the money from diddy and he needs this album to sell because he blew all his other money on hgh,jewelry and ashantis liposuctions.

  • The Spaniard

    Accurate.

  • karega

    Bol, you are a talentless hater. The argument you made made no sense as well as had no impact. Nelly is a rap superstar and you running around taking the “mad rapper” point of view. Sit down, please. I’m glad your years of hard worked has availed and you were given mainstream recognition, but again negro please.

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