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Change we can’t afford to part with

There must be something about being alone more often than not that makes you hardened in your resolve to not spend any money on a beeyotch. Because I am, and I can hardly fathom the idea of tricking.

Not that I can afford to anyway. I’m just saying.

I spend a lot of time these days drinking in bars, even though I can hardly afford to stay wasted in the comfort of my own home. And you know how that is.

The places where I go are places where you’re likely to see nothing but a buncha guys sitting around by themselves tying one on. Because it’s not like I’m sweating trying to holler at a beeyotch while I’m getting my drink on. As far as I’m concerned, the less broads in a place the better. No homo.

If I wanted to scope out some smoking hot pussy, I’d head to a club that plays a lot of Flo Rida, and other hip-hop that’s mostly only enjoyed by white people.

Still, I often find myself in a situation where I’ll be sitting there by myself, minding my own business, and a broad will come up to me like, “Damn, I could use another drink.”

To which my response is, of course, “Well, I guess you should buy yourself one!”

Nah, I’m just kidding. Like I’d run the risk of some ignorant beeyotch throwing a drink on me. With some of the fruity shit these girls drink, I could fuck around and have one of my shirts ruined. And if I could afford to just be buying clothes like that, I’d have more of them that fit right.

Usually, I’ll just try to wait it out, until she realizes that I’m not about to come up off of $5 on the outside chance that maybe it’ll convince her to break me off some stank, when, in all likelihood, she’s really only out for a free drink and the attendant ego boost.

That’s just not how I roll.

Hence, I can’t help but cringe when that T.I. song “Whatever You Like” comes on the radio. Which, to my chagrin, seems to be happening more and more often these days. Seriously, I haven’t been as bothered philosophically with a rap song in a long time. And that’s saying something, in this day and age.

I mean, it’s one thing to spend a lot of money on shit for yourself in order to impress a woman. Even that’s a little bit borderline, but it’s just the kind of shit you’re gonna have to do if you’re a guy. It’s the reason male peacocks have so many colorful feathers.

But since when did it become cool to do a song advertising how much money you’re willing to spend on a broad? If you notice, “Whatever You Like” is only the latest in a long line of southern rap songs where guys talk about buying girls drinks, and how much money they’re willing to spend on them and what have you.

Is that what’s hot in the South – paying for pussy, in an age when the unmarried rate amongst black women is hovering up around 70%? Do these people not have any concept of a buyer’s market? The fuck?

It just goes to show that the fans of this crap aren’t doing a whole lot of critical thinking. In fact, I’d say there’s a correlation to be drawn to how the Internets seem to be so impressed today that T.I. went and did a video outside of the projects where Shawty Lo used to live… while Shawty Lo wasn’t even there!

Again, what the fuck? Who knew it was so easy to be deemed a badass in the hip-hop community? Don’t let me find out where Kimbo Slice used to live. I might have to go there and shoot a video. Then afterwards, I’ll take a girl to the bank I use and see how much money I need to withdraw for her to have sex with me.

I’m gonna be the coolest!

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