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Barack Obama: Secret b-boy pioneer?

I would suggest that Barack Obama’s handlers work on tightening up his talking points re: rap music, but the truth of the matter is that probably wouldn’t make much of a difference.

There’s probably hardly anyone who’s gonna stop supporting him just because he bullshits about whether or not he listens to rap music. In fact, there’s probably hardly anyone who even gets that he bullshits about whether or not he listens to rap music.

It should have been obvious earlier this year, when someone asked the senator what he thinks about rap music, and his response was literally word for word the same line Oprah Winfrey uses when someone asks her what she thinks about rap music.

And this almost certainly couldn’t have been a coincidence, since this was right around the same time when Oprah endorsed Obama, and also around the same time when she was flapping her yap re: the offensive nature of hip-hop.

No, obviously, she pulled him aside and explained to him what his opinion was about hip-hop – similar to how people used to Bill Clinton aside and explain to him what his agenda was. Bill Hicks once famously joked that Clinton must have been taken into a dark room and shown footage of the JFK assassination from a different angle than the Zapruder film.

Or was that supposed to be a joke? Often it was difficult to tell with him. (’90s babies and other assorted cultural illiterates, you might want to conduct some research.)

Anyhoo, I don’t recall that being much of an issue at the time with anyone other than myself. But Obama’s handlers probably figured they’d better play it safe. Maybe they even read my posts on the matter. So they told the senator to start saying he’s got songs by Jay-Z, Kanye West, and Ludacris on his iPod. Then they found a journalist who was with the program – Jeff Chang, over at Vibe – to ask him, again, whether or not he listens to rap music.

Which, as it turns out, probably wasn’t the best move for them, since, like I said, no one gave a shit anyway. And then Ludacris came out with that song in which he calls Hillary Clinton a bitch, and suggests that the only chair John McCain should sit in is a wheel chair.

You could see the results of this in the interview Obama did with Sway, the mush mouth token black guy over at MTV. Sway asked him whether or not he listens to rap music, and it looked, for a second, like Obama was about to admit that he never has. But then you could almost see the light go off in his head (or was he wearing some sort of earpiece?) when he was reminded that he’s got songs by Jay-Z and Kanye West in this iPod he supposedly has.

It makes you wonder a couple of things. First of all, was there some sort of meeting held in order to determine whether a new third rapper should be elected to the place in Obama’s iPod vacated by Ludacris (as if an iPod is only capable of holding songs by three artists as a time)? Also, was there someone on Obama’s staff in charge of going and erasing any songs by Ludacris from his iPod, or at least transferring them to a separate folder on his computer until he takes office, in case anyone checks to see if they’re still on there.

I’m assuming they at least made sure there’s an actual iPod, similar to how John McCain really does have a pen that he carries around in his pocket, as he mentioned in the debate the other day. But they might want to have someone check to see if Ludacris has been sufficiently thrown under a bus. Otherwise, some haX0r might get in there and find out he’s got that song “Youse a Ho,” and the infamous uncut video for “Pussy Poppin’.” If they could get into Sarah Palin’s email and find Bristol’s cell, how hard can it be to get into Obama’s iTunes?

One thing I did notice, which I’m pretty sure is new, is that, right before it occurred to him the contents of his iPod, he mentioned that, while he hasn’t been able to keep up with hip-hop, he was there at the very beginning. Which has got me wondering if, by that, he really does mean he was there at the very beginning. As I recall, from having read up on him earlier this year, he was in New York from the late ’70s to the mid ’80s. And we know he used to do a little blow, when he could afford it. (Tell me about it, bro.) Hmm…

Don’t let me find out this nigga was doing rails with Kool Herc in the basement over at 1520 Sedgwick. Maybe that’s the reason he’s constantly trying to duck his association with hip-hop – he’s afraid some photographic evidence might surface. If it is, someone might want to alert the movement’s that’s trying to avoid having that building turned into high price condos. I know they’ve been trying to convince the city that it’s an historic landmark. What’s more historic than Barack Obama staggering about with a huge, Neil Young-size coke booger while Kool Herc cuts up Bob James records in the background?

Some of these early hip-hop photographers might wanna check their archives.

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