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Ain’t no future, period

These days, it seems like you can hardly crank up the Internets without hearing about another one of these rappers having an old man-style health issue.

I’m sure you fruits probably already heard about DMX supposedly having a stroke earlier this week. And just now, I was checking Elliott “TC” Wilson’s Facebook, where I get a lot of my news these days, and I see that Buckshot had to be hospitalized after having a series of seizures.

The fuck?

There’s also Nate Dogg, who recently had another stroke, after having had one late last year. It was rumored that he was on life support, but then I heard that he was capable of living without it, it just helps him breathe easier. Hmm…

Similarly, they said MC Breed was in pretty bad shape after he was found collapsed on a basketball court due to kidney failure. I can’t remember if he was actually in a coma or not, but obviously he’s gonna have a hard time living without the use of his kidney.

If he’s got any money left over from that song he did with 2Pac, maybe he can buy one from a chinaman, on the black market.

No but really… this just doesn’t seem quite right, now does it?

I mean, as a student of rock history, I’m aware of any number of examples of dudes who didn’t live to be quite as old as they should have. But I can hardly think of any examples of people who died at a young age from shit like heart attacks, strokes, and kidney failure.

I guess there was Elvis. But even in his case, I think it was the pills just as much as the peanut butter and banana sandwiches that got him.

I can think of more examples in the world of R&B and soul music, which has got me thinking there’s definitely a race element to this.

For example, I remember reading, when I was a kid, that Jackie Wilson just up and dropped dead on stage while he was performing. Then, years later, I read that he didn’t actually die right then and there; he just sat and rotted in a hospital bed for years before he finally keeled over. Which might be even more tragic. If you’ve ever heard that song “Night Shift” by the Commodores, it’s about him, as well as Marvin Gaye.

There’s also Bobby Brown, and Luther Vandross, and probably a number of other people. I’m not really into R&B like that. You catch my drift though.

I’m sure these past few weeks, in which we’ve had a couple of different guys have strokes, another guy’s kidneys give out, and another guy have a buncha seizures, have been an aberration. Still, even if these problems don’t continue to develop at quite this rate, it seems like the hip-hop community might be way more susceptible to old man-style health issues than any other similar group.

For those of us who aren’t that old, it makes you wonder what it’s gonna be like, say, 20 or 30 years from now. Will there be a hip-hop equivalent of one of these groups, like the Rolling Stones, that’s probably gonna tour until they’re 100 years old? Nah, with our luck, probably the only rapper who’s still gonna be alive is motherfucking Soulja Boy.

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