Obama must not have heard about Joss Stone

Obviously, it never occurred to Barack Obama or any of his handlers, when they decided to have Joss Stone write a song for use in his campaign this fall, that she’s well known to break a black man off with some stank. (And god bless her for it!)

According to the UK tabloid The Sun:

Democrat candidate Mr Obama approached her personally because he was impressed by her appeal to both black and white voters in America.

A source said: “Joss is a big supporter of Barack Obama and was very excited to be asked to do this for him.

“He sent a personal message asking her to get on board.

“He has always admired her music and thinks she is the perfect choice because of her unique appeal to black and white voters.

Of course, a veritable shedload of artists have already recorded songs in support of Barack Obama, each one seemingly worse than the one that came before it. But none of them have been officially authorized by the senator or his campaign.

And you saw what happened with that dumbass Ludacris record. (Is there any other kind?) Obama probably figured he’d better go ahead and find an artist to record an official song for his campaign, lest any more shit like that happens. Preferably, someone both white people and black people can get behind.

Which is probably more difficult than you’d think. I mean, there’s plenty of artists in this country that are widely appreciated by both black and white people, but they’re pretty much all rappers. And obviously, that’s not just gonna work, regardless of how “appropriate” the song is. It just wouldn’t play well out here in Missouri.

Similarly, he could go and get whoever it is they play most often on the black radio station that doesn’t play hip-hop, but I’m not even sure who that is myself, and I’m black… albeit in the most meaningless sense of the term. (My ancestors, you see, were slaves brought over here from Africa.)

As far as white artists are concerned, there just aren’t very many of them that black people (and by black people, I mean… you know, the proudest amongst us) fucks with like that. It’s not like the 1980s, when you could turn on the black radio station and hear shit like “Careless Whisper,” “True” by Spandau Ballet, and Art of Noise’s horrific “Moments in Love.”

I think the emergence of southern rap might have been the final nail in the coffin as far as white artists trying to fit into a black radio format.

In that sense, you could see how Joss Stone might have seemed like a good idea. I mean, she’s young, she’s incredibly attractive, and she can sing like a motherfucker – better even than most actual black chicks. It’s hard to imagine how anyone could not like Joss Stone.

The only issue is, Joss Stone obviously has a ridonkulous hunger for black cock.

In fact, this has seemed obvious to me for as long as I’ve been aware of Joss Stone. I remember thinking that was probably true way back when she put out that cover of that White Stripes record. In my entire life, I’ve only known one white chick who sang like that. And let’s just say, if I knew her, there’s probably hardly a black guy in this area she wouldn’t… um, make acquaintances with.

It was confirmed, though, when her most recent album came out, earlier this year or maybe last year, and a nasty war of words broke out between two of her producers – black guys, natch – over just who was gonna get a piece of that this go round.

In a video posted on YouTube at the time, Dallas Austin complained that he was gonna work on the album, but instead she decided to work with Raphael Saadiq, who was working in exchange for sex. Then, once the album finally came out, the artwork depicted Raphael Saadiq balls deep inside of Joss Stone. And it wasn’t a drawing.

Ruh roh.

Granted, I don’t know that her having the type of outlook I generally look for in a white chick, in any way impedes on her ability to write an effective campaign song, or that it should matter one way or another. (If you notice, bigotry against people who miscegenate, or as I like to call it, upgrade, is much more prevalent in out society than bigotry against teh gheys. And yet, we’ll never hear the end of the latter.)

The problem is that Barack Obama can’t afford to be associated with any kind of miscegenation. And I’m at a loss for how he can’t be, if Joss Stone is writing his campaign theme. I’d get a semi just hearing her shit on the radio even before I became aware of how she gets down.

With a voice like that, how in the fuck is she gonna sing a song about an actual guy – a black (-ish) guy at that – and not have people think that the thought of the two of them getting busy hasn’t crossed her mind? Believe me, it probably did, even before she was selected to write his theme music.

Barack Obama’s handlers might want to nip this thing in the bud before John McCain’s people catch wind of it. Lord knows whatever they’ve already got up their sleeve is gonna be bad enough.

  • TheCo!!inB

    THIS NIGGA MAN!!!

  • NiggaPlease

    I’d say you fell off hard, but its a slow news years and we can only fap about Rick Ross and Lil Wayne so much.

    Here’s hoping you pick the shit up by fall, you vaguely effeminate tub.

  • Pierzy

    I can see the commercial now:

    “Barack Obama loves to fuck our white singers. How sinister. I’m John McCain and I approve this message.”

  • The Spaniard

    And you saw what happened with that dumbass Ludacris record. (Is there any other kind?)

    No, no there isn’t.

  • Worley

    “I think the emergence of southern rap might have been the final nail in the coffin as far as white artists trying to fit into a black radio format.”

    I wonder if Justin Timberlake and Robin Thicke got the memo.

    • http://xxlmag.com Bol

      Is there an address where I can send you some cookies, or should I just write Faggot on it and send it somewhere in your general vicinity?

      • Worley

        Leave them outside your mom’s room near my slippers. We’ll be done in a bit.

  • http://www.ronmexicocity.com Ron Mexico

    “The problem is that Barack Obama can’t afford to be associated with any kind of miscegenation.”

    isn’t homie the product of said miscegenation?

    anyway… just because white woman prefers the soul pole doesn’t mean she’ll fuck ANY negro.

    that’s like when people assume a teh ghey dude wants to fuck every man he sees.

    lmao @ break a nigga off with some stank. bless her soul sessions.

    i gotta see this saadiq/stone album insert, mane! (without buying the record, of course.)

    help, bol!

  • geico lizard

    you are right Bol this country hates mixed race relationships more than any other kind. black women who are married to guys of other races still will call a black man weak and a sellout if he dates a white woman. i agree with ron i need to hunt online and see that cover or you should put up a link for us Bol

  • http://xxlmag.com Bol

    Don’t say I never contributed anything worthwhile to the Internets:

    http://concreteloop.com/2007/03/joss-stone-raphael-saadiq-inside-album-jacket

  • Reemycks!

    It’s not like the 1980s, when you could turn on the black radio station and hear shit like “Careless Whisper,” “True” by Spandau Ballet, and Art of Noise’s horrific “Moments in Love.”

    I usually never trip off too much shit that you say. but calling the Moments of Love horrific is just dead ass wrong. You must not have gotten any “good stank” of this cut. Real niggas now whats up.

  • Reemycks!

    “It’s not like the 1980s, when you could turn on the black radio station and hear shit like “Careless Whisper,” “True” by Spandau Ballet, and Art of Noise’s horrific “Moments in Love.”

    I usually never trip off too much shit that you say. but calling the Moments of Love horrific is just dead ass wrong. You must not have gotten any “good stank” of this cut. Real niggas now whats up.

  • anutha_level

    …wtf? i just can’t agree w/you on this jawn. fact of the matter is…if the mccain camp wasn’t hip to this warped view of shyt u spewin across the “innanets”, then they now have you to thank for planting a fucked up seed to spawn….way to be THAT GUY.

  • LB

    HAAAAA – Funny Sh&t

  • http://www.xxlmag.com Benicio Del Thoro

    Wait, black folks like Amy Winehouse. She has talent, I mean she’s gonna die in a couple years because of addiction, but all things considered.

  • jonjon23

    ‘Preferably, someone both white people and black people can get behind.’

    Apparently, only black people can get behind her…..

  • droopey

    That album cover is gri….mey! (In Riley Freeman voice).

  • halfNice

    Why get an English girl to write a song for the American elections? Doesn’t make any sense; especially when it’s an English girl trying to sound like an American.

    • Risingson

      I guess for the same reasons they’ll send American armies to fight in Iraq, especially when Iraq poses no threat to America. Or how they spend 30billion annually on weapons for Israel, to “protect” itself against a country that still uses AK-47 and inaccurate missiles…but I’m guessin that made sense to you…STOP BEING TRIVIAL!!! It’s just a song! Plus Britian is one of America’s few allies anyways…oh and if you’re racking your brain to find the sense in a song being sung then you may need to see sum1.

  • these posts are racist

    Byron,

    Did you hear about Michael Eric Dyson’s comment about Michelle Obama? Wow…