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Obama must not have heard about Joss Stone

Obviously, it never occurred to Barack Obama or any of his handlers, when they decided to have Joss Stone write a song for use in his campaign this fall, that she’s well known to break a black man off with some stank. (And god bless her for it!)

According to the UK tabloid The Sun:

Democrat candidate Mr Obama approached her personally because he was impressed by her appeal to both black and white voters in America.

A source said: “Joss is a big supporter of Barack Obama and was very excited to be asked to do this for him.

“He sent a personal message asking her to get on board.

“He has always admired her music and thinks she is the perfect choice because of her unique appeal to black and white voters.

Of course, a veritable shedload of artists have already recorded songs in support of Barack Obama, each one seemingly worse than the one that came before it. But none of them have been officially authorized by the senator or his campaign.

And you saw what happened with that dumbass Ludacris record. (Is there any other kind?) Obama probably figured he’d better go ahead and find an artist to record an official song for his campaign, lest any more shit like that happens. Preferably, someone both white people and black people can get behind.

Which is probably more difficult than you’d think. I mean, there’s plenty of artists in this country that are widely appreciated by both black and white people, but they’re pretty much all rappers. And obviously, that’s not just gonna work, regardless of how “appropriate” the song is. It just wouldn’t play well out here in Missouri.

Similarly, he could go and get whoever it is they play most often on the black radio station that doesn’t play hip-hop, but I’m not even sure who that is myself, and I’m black… albeit in the most meaningless sense of the term. (My ancestors, you see, were slaves brought over here from Africa.)

As far as white artists are concerned, there just aren’t very many of them that black people (and by black people, I mean… you know, the proudest amongst us) fucks with like that. It’s not like the 1980s, when you could turn on the black radio station and hear shit like “Careless Whisper,” “True” by Spandau Ballet, and Art of Noise’s horrific “Moments in Love.”

I think the emergence of southern rap might have been the final nail in the coffin as far as white artists trying to fit into a black radio format.

In that sense, you could see how Joss Stone might have seemed like a good idea. I mean, she’s young, she’s incredibly attractive, and she can sing like a motherfucker – better even than most actual black chicks. It’s hard to imagine how anyone could not like Joss Stone.

The only issue is, Joss Stone obviously has a ridonkulous hunger for black cock.

In fact, this has seemed obvious to me for as long as I’ve been aware of Joss Stone. I remember thinking that was probably true way back when she put out that cover of that White Stripes record. In my entire life, I’ve only known one white chick who sang like that. And let’s just say, if I knew her, there’s probably hardly a black guy in this area she wouldn’t… um, make acquaintances with.

It was confirmed, though, when her most recent album came out, earlier this year or maybe last year, and a nasty war of words broke out between two of her producers – black guys, natch – over just who was gonna get a piece of that this go round.

In a video posted on YouTube at the time, Dallas Austin complained that he was gonna work on the album, but instead she decided to work with Raphael Saadiq, who was working in exchange for sex. Then, once the album finally came out, the artwork depicted Raphael Saadiq balls deep inside of Joss Stone. And it wasn’t a drawing.

Ruh roh.

Granted, I don’t know that her having the type of outlook I generally look for in a white chick, in any way impedes on her ability to write an effective campaign song, or that it should matter one way or another. (If you notice, bigotry against people who miscegenate, or as I like to call it, upgrade, is much more prevalent in out society than bigotry against teh gheys. And yet, we’ll never hear the end of the latter.)

The problem is that Barack Obama can’t afford to be associated with any kind of miscegenation. And I’m at a loss for how he can’t be, if Joss Stone is writing his campaign theme. I’d get a semi just hearing her shit on the radio even before I became aware of how she gets down.

With a voice like that, how in the fuck is she gonna sing a song about an actual guy – a black (-ish) guy at that – and not have people think that the thought of the two of them getting busy hasn’t crossed her mind? Believe me, it probably did, even before she was selected to write his theme music.

Barack Obama’s handlers might want to nip this thing in the bud before John McCain’s people catch wind of it. Lord knows whatever they’ve already got up their sleeve is gonna be bad enough.

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