NEGRO PLEASE: Rohan Marley Claims Lauryn Hill on Comeback Trail

[Editor's Note: "Blogger's Note" has been taken over by Ron Mexico until further notice.]

“She writes music in the bathroom, on toilet paper, on the wall,” said Rohan Marley, the father of [Lauryn] Hill’s five children. “She writes it in the mirror if the mirror smokes up. She writes constantly. This woman does not sleep.” -Rohan Marley, People Magazine… via XXL

Rohan is trying to tell us that his wife’s penchant for nodding off on the toilet is because she works too hard making music.

*looks into palm, shaking head*

What’s this bag of bullshit you trynna sell me, Dread?

If we’re to believe you then where the fuck is the music, Rohan?! Is she just singing the shit to you and the kids?! Have you turned L-Boogie into your personal ganja fairy? Lauryn’s your personal sprite, isn’t she?

It’s been 10 years. Either Lauryn’s not recording or Rohan got 6 or 7 more installments of Miseducation locked away in the reefer cellar.

How are the five children not scared to all shit by this woman’s visage anyway? I grew up afraid of clowns. I still don’t fuck with them. L looks like some shit Gumby and Pokey used to run away from on Saturday morning. How strong is the damn weed in the Marley compound to make a nigga think they can come out of the house looking like a fuckin Claymation monster from the 70s?

That’s a cot damn Oprahsaurus and I have zero interest in being its baby daddy.

Why the fuck are your bathroom mirrors smoked up, Rohan? Nevermind. I think it’s safe to assume everything in a Marley house is smoked up.

[Blogger's Note: This entry's got a lot more questions than answers. Drugs make me confused.]

What kind of woman with five kids works all day and doesn’t go to sleep? A fuckin junkie, that’s who.

Lauryn a write inna di batroom? Nah, breddrin. She nah write. She a shoot. Yuh raaasclaaat Yankee ooman a smoke dem bumbaclot ganja wi’ dem cocaine. Ooman a bloodclaaat mess, seen?

Blooodclaaaaat, ‘ow she a go look so? Me’amemba from long time di gyal look GOOD. Prekky likkle black gyal whe’a cyarry roun’ wi’ Why-cliffe and di wholla dem pickit-‘air pussyclat Fugee man dem.

[Blogger's Note: Except John Forte. He get it for cheap.]

People didn’t even want to touch her at Dave Chappelle’s Block Party. This is because they were in the heart of Brooklyn. They know the Golden Rule of Dope Fiend Engagement there. If you let a fiend game you down for some change/smoke at a block party, she’ll never leave you alone. This is useful information for whichever of you youngsters may be looking for daily jimmy wax love this week.

Two words. Crack heads. They give up the turkey neck love wild easy for some strange reason. You don’t even have to be a totally irrelevant Marley brother.

Lauryn need to get on that Amy Winehouse shit. I swear the first time I heard “Rehab” I thought it was L-Boogie anyway.

Oh, excuse me. According to the People article in question, she mandates that we refer to her exclusively as “Ms. Hill.”

Ms. Hill puts herself through 7 seasons of “So You Wanna Be A Marley,” names her daughter “Baby Marley… Marley,” and demands that we call her “Ms. Hill.”

That’s some white powder rationale if I ever heard of any. Doesn’t she know that her children will starve if she keeps entertaining that white hot girl?

As for Rohan, the great patriarch of his own frighteningly fucked tribe of Judah–Marley, please! Don’t insult our intelligence. Those rasta mind tricks may have landed you a Jersey songbird, but the rest of us ain’t goin for the bullshit.

…and this ain’t no ounce, my nigga.

Questions? Comments? Requests? Sweetest thing you’ve ever known? ron@ronmexicocity.com

  • Pierzy

    What up Mex?! Why is it that no one wants to see/believe the truth about our lovely laced-out Lauryn? After that show last summer in BK and then after Wyclef told Howard Stern that in the studio he was working behind the boards when she was on the mic but she MADE him call her “Ms. Hill” and that he wasn’t even allowed to look at her. C’mon now… if anyone deserves to call you whatever he wants and look at your cracked-out ass any way he wants it’s gotta be Wyclef right? I mean…it’s not like it’s Pras or anything…

    • http://www.ronmexicocity.com Ron Mexico

      happy monday, p!

      i mean… whitney done smoked her kneecaps off and we still like “nuh-uh!”

      seriously. i love lauryn, but come on now.

      how long will they tweak our prophets while we stand aside and look?

      • Pierzy

        Not to get too deep but maybe it’s because if see someone THAT talented and successful (so many Grammys she can’t carry ‘em all) get hooked and fall off that hard, then it could happen to all of us?? Or maybe it’s just we’re all selfish and we want to believe that she’s still the L-Boogie from “The Score” and “Miseducation”

  • chad bro chill

    im at work i have a headache i wanna go to sleep nd i never listened to lauryn hill (sue me) so i didnt actually read this blog but im sure its great keep up to good work ron

    ps bol is fat

  • Worley

    There are too many classic lines in this post to comment on one of them.

    No more drinking and reading Ron Mex. I damn near ruined my computer laughing and spitting up.

  • POLO DIZ

    THats it….ima start smoking weed again!

  • http://1290wmcs.com “The Party Killa”

    What kind of woman with five kids works all day and doesn’t go to sleep? A fuckin junkie, that’s who.

    ^^LMAO ;-)

  • giantstepp

    The miseducation joint is a bonifiede classic LP!! she was well on her way to being one of the greatest in the game and she was a cutie…seriously, she gotta have some mental health issues on top of the drugs. that cant be a good combo…

    high and crazy = Lauryn Hill, damn shame.

  • Nina

    “…and this ain’t no ounce, my nigga.”

    Lmao! Fuck Rohan Marley and all the heartache, brainwashing, and pain he continues to cause Lauryn. But she sticks around for it and loves him so hes not the only one to blame.

    But from what I heard she never stopped recording and has given her label an album but they want another Miseducation and she gave them shit similar and more out there than her Unplugged album. Most tracks were 7 mins plus.

    If anyone heard her track Passion off the Passion of Christ soundtrack then thats a good idea of the music shes creating now. Personally I love it. Shes still a genius and if she wants to grow and change then the industry should allow her the freedom to.

    Otherwise she’ll keep creating music, the industry will keep demanding another Miseducation, and her fans will continue to lose out.

  • Ms. Toson

    oooohh! This article hit it in the HEAD…my sentiments EXACTLY.

  • http://www.myspace.com/youngmyke Myke_Wayne

    Ronnie Muthafuckin’ Mex
    Right on fuckin’ time. Whem I read that shit last week…ya know sometimes I can’t put my shit in words but you-
    You hit it on the head. Lauryn and The Wicked baby-pop…
    Still tryna feed me that shit.
    Crack is Wack, I don’t give a fuck if ya just sprinkle it in ya Bud.
    Shit is wack.
    a/U!!

  • bongolock

    ha! rasta mind tricks!
    another good one

    piece

  • Justice4All

    “Negro Please”!!!! It’s a sad day in America when people still think they can out fool the fools. So, we see you in public looking like Geranimal and we are supposed to think that nothing’s up? Negro Please.
    We should have known something was up when she married that clown of a Marley, to fiend it’s always better to share the same house of your supplier, that way you can justify your “Golden Neck” obligations to get that Yayo (No G Unit). I’m just saying. Who are you fooling, we don’t belive you, you need more people. What a waste of a good lie. You should save that for the sherrifs, oh yeah, your family shot em’. Never mind.

    “Ms. Hill” stay losing.

  • John Brown

    Ron,

    Of topic, what is the over/under of “NEGRO PLEASE” blogs that you will post about the Ozone Awards? I will take the over just because it was in Houston and it was mostly Southern rappers there. Let me know so I can make my bet.

  • Vicious Seiger

    I Posted this Last Week:

    Why are we playing ourselves? Lauryn Hill is through. It’s tragic to see someone who once such a talented artist fall this far from grace but this isn’t 1997 and she hasn’t made any kind of music worth a damn since the Miseducation. I miss her but after her surprise reunion with Pras & Clef on that BET Awards show and I heard how god awful her voice was now… I just wanted her to stay gone and let me remember her as she was. People need to stop telling her she can still rock it like she did over ten years ago because her career for all intents and purposes is over. We Miss and Appreciate You Lauryn but do something Brett Favre can’t – ” Resist the Itch ” and stay away from the studio or stage. Don’t further tarnish your legacy as one of the best singers/artists to ever do it.

    [PS - I don't know what her problem is [Mental or Substance] but for her to achieve such wide crossover success may have been the catalyst for her downfall. Rarely do we see any artist produce such an amazing album [whether by herself or with uncredited collaborators] that actual exceeds our expectations and imaginations like she did. I have no doubt that I would love to have made something that incredible but would hate have to meet the expectations to have to follow up that album with something “just as good” just because the previous album put the bar up that high. Pressure like that I can do without in my life and I am sure she could too.]

  • Maddolies

    Da Bitch Is Obviously Batshit Crazy. She’ll Probably Kill Herself Soon.

  • Aem

    Gumby and Pokey…..LMAO!

  • king Blair

    Greatest Blog Evar

  • http://blogspot.com produnkgirl

    Damn you went hard on my girl.

  • Shawty J

    Man, that’s it! That’s it! This is officially my favorite blog ever. Forget all the news posted on this site (MTVnews.com gets the same reports and hour earlier anyways). Negro Please/Blogger’s Note is what keeps me coming back to this site everyday,

  • that nigga

    Lauryn a write inna di batroom? Nah, breddrin. She nah write. She a shoot. Yuh raaasclaaat Yankee ooman a smoke dem bumbaclot ganja wi’ dem cocaine. Ooman a bloodclaaat mess, seen?

    Blooodclaaaaat, ‘ow she a go look so? Me’amemba from long time di gyal look GOOD. Prekky likkle black gyal whe’a cyarry roun’ wi’ Why-cliffe and di wholla dem pickit-‘air pussyclat Fugee man dem.

    [Blogger’s Note: Except John Forte. He get it for cheap.]
    ::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

    Ron, thats some classic shit right there. And diddo @ Worley. Seriously funny shit right here but true too.

  • lilkunta

    @nina August 11th, 2008 1:00pm :
    Yea I heard LH has been recording but Columbia doesnt like the music.

    @Ron:
    Ron u need 2 get a clue. LH has lots of $, prolly more than u’ll earn in your lifetime. LH has the residuals from the movies she has made. She has the Fugees $.
    From “MisEd” alone she made $20mill. She ain spending $ like King MJ so her $ will last. Her 5 kids wont starve.

    2) While I dont like Lh’s makeup/hair choices, y u say she has 2 be on drugs? Erykah Badu, 3stacks(Andre 3000) & Gnarls Barkely do the same weird clothes/hair & u aint callin them dope fiends.

    When LH does come back u know ur *ss is gonna b 1st in line 2 buy the cd so dont even front!

  • Tony Grand$

    Now Ron Ron, you know Bob Marley still alive nigga. Yo ass can’t be talkin bout his grand-babies moms like that! He gonna mount up with Bruce Lee and ‘Pac and them niggas goin be doin drive-bys all through NY till they catch you slippin @ Walmart, then, Boo-ya-kaa Boo-ya-kaa! “Nuff talk, notta ting irie yankee bwoy”!

    I’m fuckin around, but that’s one lunatic broad though. I knew she was crazy when “Miseducation” hit stores.***warning-sexist remarks ahead*** Most chix that are that in tuned with all that female angst like she was on EVERY damn song, has got to have more issues than Jet magazine. That’s what I call “nevermind ass”. By the time you notice she’s a walkin mental breakdown ready to happen, if a cat aint hit it already, a nigga be like “nevermind, you crazy hoe”. Rohan must be permanently zooted to the heavens to keep on bustin in a girl with so many obvious emotional scars. Nigga prolly thought he had the right bandaids and iodine to heal those wounds but aint that much first-aid in the world! Now he wanna jump to her defense like she’s some misunderstood, musical genius. Its more like a smoked out hippie with 5150 on her jacket, but that’s only if you ask me. She better check the technique a-sap, and ask Erykah Badu to help her find her mojo (she prolly dropped it in the weed jar), or send an Email or 20 to Jill Scott or sumn. Erytime I hear my wife bumpin Ms. Hill’s first joint, I’m quick fast to hide all knives and scissors. Sorry, but Rohan, we don’t believe you. You need more ppl (like those you find @ chemical dependancy clinix). And sorry to the last of the great divas; can’t speak for other “fans”, but as for this one, you just lost one. Its so silly, how come?

  • Jhon da Analyst

    I remember she used to be my baby. When she did “Doo-Wop”(that thing). She had those pretty brown legs I wanted to marry her right then. Now all I see is her having bad hair days looking like Bozo the Clown. Oh so sad, so sad……….

  • GREG

    IF PAC WAS ALIVE HE WOULD BE ON ER ACTING INSTEAD OF PHIEFER, IF BIGGIE WAS ALIVE HE WOULD BE IN RIKERS ISLAND WITH SHINE WRITNG A BOOK ABOUT PUFFY JERKING HIM .PEOPLE DIE WHEN THEY ARE SUPPOSED TO WHEN THEY DONT THEY FALL OFF HARD I WAS ON THE TWO TRAIN LOOKING AT MELE MEL AND THEAT NIGGER ALMOST HOPPED THE TRAIN BUT A COP CAME OUT AND HE PAID THAT HURT MY HEART .BECAUSE MY MOTHER WAS RIGHT THESE NIGGERS ARE BUMS MAKING MUSIC DONT LOOK UP TO THEM. CUT THAT SHIT OFF AND DO YOUR HOMEWORK.RAPPERS ARE SIMPLE MINDED. THATS WHY 99% END UP BROKE OR ON DRUGS, L BOOGIE SMOKED WEED AND EXPANDED HER MIND AND GOT RICH KNOW WHAT…………. SHES TRAPPED 5 KIDS THIS SMELLY AS RASTA, NEXT TIME YOU SEE PUFFY OR JAYZ THEY ARE THE EXCEPTION NOT THE RULE

    • air

      I think the first part of your comment is right on!It is sad to see how ppl end up.

    • air

      I think the first part of your comment is right on!It is sad to see how ppl end up.

  • KF UK

    re: Bangin lauren hill.

    If i wanted to see chewbacca, id watch starwars.

  • picci8

    when i read an article and comments on this webiste i automatically feel 1000 times more stupid.
    she may have her problems, be on drugs etc but that gives no reason for you to get racist and start criticising and disparaging people. From one little comment about lauryn hill writing lyrics, to a whole article dedicated to disrespecting lauryn (no matter how unstable she is now) and mocking jamaicans shows just how uneducated you are.

  • Anonymous

    You all have to remember that she started in this industry as a kid. She finally got sick of the demons running the industry and unfortunately couldn’t escape her own. Look at all of these stars who end up looking nuts just trying to get away from it all. Britney, Whitney, Lindsay, Michael, 2pac, bob marley, dave chappelle, martin, mariah…

    Most of the ones who end up the worst started as kids.

    Dave said it best, “It’s easy to dismiss someone as crazy, but when you see these people lose themselves, you should ask yourself…is it all of these stars who are crazy or is it the industry that is?”

    The occult isn’t a joke.

  • so sad

    w need u bac nill plese come bac

  • so sad

    we need u bac hill please come bac. i a philly grl we dnt live to far from each other. hill r the truth ur voice ur style this girl dont have shit on u u havea strong voice and ur rap game is the realist please we need u philly need bac

  • http://XXXMAG.COM Jeannett

    How can she be on Crack and still maintain her 5 children, dude you all give our people a bad name and none of the shit is true.