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By now you’ve all seen the JoJo Hailey kangaroo collapse video. Despite popular request, I wasn’t going to discuss something as asinine as a fiend falling out on stage. I mean–I stopped covering Flavor of Love for a reason. As entertaining as it may be, JoJo’s “epilepsy” in and of itself is not “Negro Please” material.

[::CLICK HERE for some convoluted R&B (Rocks & Blunts) damage control::]

This K-Ci explanatory rant, however, be some NP All-Star shit.

Holy fuck!

If K-Ci thought his brother’s collapse were something out of the ordinary, he would have bent down to help. He could even have kept singing and just extended his hand to Brotherman. The lack of urgency makes it quite obvious that JoJo passes out at every Hailey family event.

No one says anything at Thanksgiving and Christmas because they pay for the turkey and the house they eat it in.

If such a collapse is a common occurrance as a result of actual epilepsy and not crackilepsy (narco-lepsy?), the singing would have stopped. You don’t let your brother have an epileptic seizure and just keep fucking singing. You get some damn help. Again, if you’re used to seeing your brother blow down one too many and zonk out, the sight wouldn’t alarm you too much.

With that said, none of it may alarm you if you’re fucked up out of your own mind.

“They talked about Jesus Christ!”

I’m not gonna touch that one. No need to drop the catchphrase gem on ‘em. I can rest my case right here. Only dope fiends make delusional comparisons like those.

“Everybody got a JoJo in they family.”

Bernie Mac took his career to the next level with a routine about taking care of the children neglected by the “JoJo in [his] family.”

Still on the wet offensive, K-Ci asks us “douchebag bloggers” (myself, Bol and Billy X.) what we would have said if JoJo had passed away on that stage. To answer his question, I’m pretty sure you all would have seen three red “NEW” icons on the sidebar of the main page with different variations of the headline “JoJo Hailey Dies of On-Stage Crack Attack.”

Best case scenario is that JoJo forgot he was doing “Crazy” out of turn. I would have just stuck with that story.

Nowhere in the druggie defense did K-Ci do the sensible thing and blame their lack of orientation to being on the other side of the globe.

“You see, the toilets here spin the other way from what we’re used to. The gravity all different and shit. We a little dizzy all the time down here. Plus, *now singing* temperaturrrrrrre’s like a hunnid degraaaaayyyyyysss! Like they got chains on meeeeeeee!–”

Instead the nigga says:

“I don’t even know how to spell ‘cocaine.’ I don’t even drink ‘Coca-Cola’ because it say ‘coke.’”

While I don’t question K-Ci’s his inability to spell “cocaine,” I do doubt that’s ever stopped anyone from smoking the shit.

Negro, please. Niggas can’t spell “chitterlings” but they eat the shit every damn day.

Save that bullshit “Come and Talk to Me” game for Mary J. Blige… in 1992. Y’all couldn’t hop on Hot 97 and get over on the hip-hop community since the “Freek ‘N You” remix.

Gnome sane?

Questions? Comments? Requests? Still pullin ladies like a hamstring.

P.S.: What do Bill Gates and the infernal computer have to do with K-Ci leaving his brother to die drug nap?

P.P.S.: We brings the hate all day like Harry Belafonte.

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