NEGRO PLEASE: K-Ci [& JoJo], WE KNOW U R DER CRAKKEN!!!

By now you’ve all seen the JoJo Hailey kangaroo collapse video. Despite popular request, I wasn’t going to discuss something as asinine as a fiend falling out on stage. I mean–I stopped covering Flavor of Love for a reason. As entertaining as it may be, JoJo’s “epilepsy” in and of itself is not “Negro Please” material.

[::CLICK HERE for some convoluted R&B (Rocks & Blunts) damage control::]

This K-Ci explanatory rant, however, be some NP All-Star shit.

Holy fuck!

If K-Ci thought his brother’s collapse were something out of the ordinary, he would have bent down to help. He could even have kept singing and just extended his hand to Brotherman. The lack of urgency makes it quite obvious that JoJo passes out at every Hailey family event.

No one says anything at Thanksgiving and Christmas because they pay for the turkey and the house they eat it in.

If such a collapse is a common occurrance as a result of actual epilepsy and not crackilepsy (narco-lepsy?), the singing would have stopped. You don’t let your brother have an epileptic seizure and just keep fucking singing. You get some damn help. Again, if you’re used to seeing your brother blow down one too many and zonk out, the sight wouldn’t alarm you too much.

With that said, none of it may alarm you if you’re fucked up out of your own mind.

“They talked about Jesus Christ!”

I’m not gonna touch that one. No need to drop the catchphrase gem on ‘em. I can rest my case right here. Only dope fiends make delusional comparisons like those.

“Everybody got a JoJo in they family.”

Bernie Mac took his career to the next level with a routine about taking care of the children neglected by the “JoJo in [his] family.”

Still on the wet offensive, K-Ci asks us “douchebag bloggers” (myself, Bol and Billy X.) what we would have said if JoJo had passed away on that stage. To answer his question, I’m pretty sure you all would have seen three red “NEW” icons on the sidebar of the main page with different variations of the headline “JoJo Hailey Dies of On-Stage Crack Attack.”

Best case scenario is that JoJo forgot he was doing “Crazy” out of turn. I would have just stuck with that story.

Nowhere in the druggie defense did K-Ci do the sensible thing and blame their lack of orientation to being on the other side of the globe.

“You see, the toilets here spin the other way from what we’re used to. The gravity all different and shit. We a little dizzy all the time down here. Plus, *now singing* temperaturrrrrrre’s like a hunnid degraaaaayyyyyysss! Like they got chains on meeeeeeee!–”

Instead the nigga says:

“I don’t even know how to spell ‘cocaine.’ I don’t even drink ‘Coca-Cola’ because it say ‘coke.’”

While I don’t question K-Ci’s his inability to spell “cocaine,” I do doubt that’s ever stopped anyone from smoking the shit.

Negro, please. Niggas can’t spell “chitterlings” but they eat the shit every damn day.

Save that bullshit “Come and Talk to Me” game for Mary J. Blige… in 1992. Y’all couldn’t hop on Hot 97 and get over on the hip-hop community since the “Freek ‘N You” remix.

Gnome sane?

Questions? Comments? Requests? Still pullin ladies like a hamstring. ron@ronmexicocity.com

P.S.: What do Bill Gates and the infernal computer have to do with K-Ci leaving his brother to die drug nap?

P.P.S.: We brings the hate all day like Harry Belafonte.

  • Pierzy

    Mex! What up what up…

    Seriously, this is the quote of the year, especially considering the circumstances:

    “I hate Bill Gates, I hate Bill Gates for inventing the computer, or whatever that’s called. You know I don’t mess with it, man.”

    • Pierzy

      Maybe he meant to say this:

      “I hate Ronald Reagan, I hate Ronald Reagan for infecting us with crack, or whatever that’s called. You know I don’t mess with it, man.”

      That would’ve made a bit more sense to me…

      • http://www.ronmexicocity.com Ron Mexico

        i hate ronald reagan for the same!

        • giantstepp

          co-sign. To hell with Reagan. We still suffering from that fools policies. Oh, and to hell with KC & JoJo too. We all know that dude was stoned! Negro Please, stop playing with us!

  • DETROIT

    that shit was crazy man! the only thing k-ci did, while trying to explain their situation, was confirm that they are both drug addicts. He shoulda said some shit like “we quit doing coke in ’98″, i still wouldn’t have believed him, but it woulda sounded a lil more believable!

  • http://www.going.com/larrybrite Larry Brite

    AIN’T NANN NEGRO gonna admit they on SOMETHING on radio/video/tv unless they ARE WALKING (TWICHING – whatever) into Rehab!

    ‘Mama always said watch what comes out your mouth
    Tight case for the DA from here to down South’

  • render

    BILL GATES INVENTED THE COMPUTER TO DESTROY THE BLACK COMMUNITY! ISNT IT CONVINENT THAT 1 IN 3 BLACK MEN IN 2008 ARE MYSPACE RAPPERS INSTEAD OF WORKING OR GETTING AN EDUCATION?

    OPEN YA EYES…EDUCATE YOURSELF!!!

    • DETROIT

      “ISNT IT CONVINENT THAT 1 IN 3 BLACK MEN IN 2008 ARE MYSPACE RAPPERS INSTEAD OF WORKING OR GETTING AN EDUCATION?”

      WTF???

      • http://www.ronmexicocity.com ron mexico

        i love it!

        that’s fucking hilarious.

  • anutha_level

    ya’ll cats are too funny. classic post tho sir, indeed.

    “You don’t let your brother have an epileptic seizure and just keep fucking singing. You get some damn help.”

    lol! ….yup-yup.

  • jonjon23

    I still love Jodeci’s old mustic–it’s classic.

  • kelito-vision

    his new single is fire…i don’t know about that he better than everybody else but T-Pain>75% of rappers

    • Pierzy

      Wrong blog dude…

  • TheCo!!inB

    at first I really wanted to “negro please” that myspace rapper comment….then I looked at my friends and got sad…..maybe…..maybe myspace rap is fucking us up as a people.

  • Lowedwn

    LMAO. Man this post is straight Nick Carey(hiLARIous). But, damn I started thinking why are all my favorite old school kats crack heads or on that Whitney Diet? Jodeci, D’angelo, Maxwell, Marvin Gaye & DMX….ok maybe putting DMX after that talent that was brother Marvin is a stretch, but y’all get my point, we didn’t even know most of them had a problem til they fell way off like Shalomar. Then I thought about Mexxx’s reference to Flav, who it was always quite apparent what he was doing. I guess i said all that to say this, Cocaine is a helluva drug and I’m glad I ain’t never tooted the shit, ‘cuz all the talent and money in the world can’t help u from looking like what u are….a fucking J(unkie).

    p.s. – what better anti-drug commercial could there be than showing this shit and James Brown’s, D’angelo’s & DMX’s mug pictures???

  • Tony Grand$

    Ron, I think u have an internet stalker. Hmmmmmmmm, who could it be??
    Anyway, Jodeci lost all credibility, street or otherwise, when they fell off of this lil blue planet. Where’d they go, one might ask? Them niggas went straight up into the sky, fueled by cocaine (yall know, that powerful drug…). It was too obvious. To make such a tulmutuous ripple in the R&B world, to be one of the predecessors to the basic notion of the term “supergroup”, to be considered some of the, er, sexiest nigs of that era (dudes always looked like anorexic ninja turtles to me) and to just disappear for no reason? Man, that’s fishier than Superheads best pair of Saturday nite thongs! That money bought that fast livin and they just couldn’t control the lifestyle. That lifestyle controlled them (did somebody say Bobby and Whitney?), and the most pathetic part is, uh, damn, can’t really find one! Except maybe that not only did K-ci keep blowin (no pun intended), but no motherfuckin person on or around the stage did shit! On the tape I watched, I can hear audience members yellin, “help him!” And “get him up, somebody!”. WTfuckinF?!? What excuse could they possibly give Granma Ruby or Aintie Sha-sha for not only losing consciousness, but acting oblivious to the situation? Yo, I got a brother and we stay in small beefs on the constant, but if that goofy lil nigga sneezes too hard, I’m bumrushing the closest box of Kleenex! Now, imagine us sharing the same self-defeating lust for THAT white girl, and he keels over during a family function. I’d either A) run to my brothers side knowing his heart mightve just exploded, or B) play it off bcuz I’m most likely higher than the tax on a brand new Lambo! K-ci always looked like he hung with Rick James and ‘em, so no doubt I was surprised when the healthier appearing of the two took a spontaneous nap mid performance. Poor guys. Hey, this is Hollywoodvillestown we’re dealing with guys, so let’s just chalk this up to the usual suspex: dehydration, mild depression, severe exhaustion, jet lag…..yeah right, drug overdose nigga. Let us now pray, and I hope you’ve enjoyed this latest installment of “When keepin it real goes wrong..”. Join us on tomorrows episode featuring Earl “DMX” Simmons.

  • BIGNAT

    MAN THIS WAS TO MUCH HAD ME DYING

  • John Brown

    RON,

    Although I found this drop very hilarious, I think you dropped the ball on this one. I am still waiting on the Swizz Beatz, Dame, Suge or even Solange NEGRO PLEASE moment.

    ***Ron, the NFL season starts next week and you could do a NEGRO PLEASE on Chad Ocho-Cinco, yes he actually legally changed his name. According to sports radio shows here in Miami. Oh and Michael Jackson is 50 years old today, 50!! DAMN.***

  • KF UK

    I was enjoying the Jeezy bashin (no homo) then i read this and dude, your back on point, Bols been tryin but yo, a GEM like this shit made my ass laff OUT loud. serious.

    “This K-Ci explanatory rant, however, be some NP All-Star shit” AHA

    “I’m pretty sure you all would have seen three red “NEW” icons on the sidebar of the main page with different variations of the headline “JoJo Hailey Dies of On-Stage Crack Attack.”” – FUNNY CUZ ITS MAD TRUE

    Dude your killin it once again, disapointed that you didnt go in on Young Berg tho, loved to have read your take on Detroit Hip hop. Do you fuxx with the D mex? or dont u listen to that? i mean there is some serious talent out there, check for a dude called P.L…

    but yeah once again thanx for making my shitty corporate job a lil better by makin my stank ass laff.

    KEEP DOIN YA THING MY DUDE!