Life imitates Hustle and Flow

“Yeah, we had to whoop a nigga ass for like a hour straight. It was just usual shit. You know how niggas be gettin out of line? It was just some…recreation.”- Lil Boosie, on an ass-whooping he had to administer at an after party for this year’s Ozone Awards. You know, usual shit.

I thought southern rappers got along better than rappers from other parts of the country, due to their view of hip-hop as less of an art form and more of an entitlement program. Like an EBT debit card for grown ass men.

Just the other day, I saw there were stories (that I of course didn’t bother to read) about how Killer Mike had managed to patch things up with Big Boi, and how Ludacris has got a song out with his former rival T.I.

Clearly, I was mistaken.

A couple of hours ago, I awoke from my latest alcohol and discouragement induced coma (Tuesday is the new Thursday), only to find the Internets chock full of nuts stories of mofos fighting with one another at this year’s Ozone Awards.

This shit sounds like it might have been the modern day equivalent of that one Source Awards from back in the mid ’90s, where Suge Knight gave pretty much my favorite award acceptance speech evar, and the rest, as they say, is history.

There’s a video on the main page right now of this guy Trae talking about how he had to put his shoe on Mike Jones. (Who?) Perhaps you’ve already seen it. It’s such a classic display of ignorant n-bomb logic and poetry, especially since this guy Trae looks like he might be closer in age to my parents than to myself. (Though you never know with these ninjas from the South. He could be like 19.)

I’m not gonna lie – I’m altogether unfamiliar with this guy’s music. I’m thinking he might be this guy Noz did a post on once where he was made out to be the second of Jesus Christ. You know how Noz could get. (RIP) I figured I might check his shit out at some point, just to make sure this was another one of those cases like with Bun B, where white kids feel this inexplicable urge to pay deference to such a mediocre talent, but I never got around to it. But then, for another story I was working on, I was putting together a list of the assholes and idiots who have sampled Spandau Ballet’s “True” over the years, and I saw that Trae was one of them. Which pretty much precludes him from being… you know, a worthwhile artist as far as I’m concerned, though I’m sure plenty of you fruits will beg to differ.

So this guy Trae supposedly had to rough Mike Jones up bad enough that his face is now all fucked the fuck up, and he got knocked out of his shoes like that poor kid in the movie Stand By Me, and there’s supposedly pictures of him laid out on the ground with his ass all hanging out of his jeans. (Maybe next year he’ll wear a belt!)

Mike Jones’ offense, from what I could gather? Not keeping it real with the n-bombs in the ghetto. It sounds like Trae might be pissed because he missed out on that two-week span three years ago when people gave a shit about Houston hip-hop, due in part to Jones’ hit “Still Tippin’.” Then, once the world came to its senses, Mike Jones was out doing songs in California and shit trying to get his career back in order. Trae, meanwhile, was still in the ghettos of Houston, representin’.

As if he had anywhere else to be.

It sounds like some shit right out of that movie Hustle and Flow, where Terrence Howard put his blood, sweat and tears into crafting that god-awful demo tape, just to have Ludacris toss it in a toilet and take a piss on it, in a scene I’ve been meaning to recreate in real life, just for my own personal amusement. (Lord knows I’ve got enough bullshit rap albums lying around here to do it.)

Of course, he doesn’t mention it in the YouTube video, but I’d be willing to bet Trae approached Mike Jones about helping him get his career in order – perhaps around the time when “Still Tippin’” was out. Maybe Trae tried calling (281) 330-8004, and Mike Jones hung up on him when he realized it wasn’t a fan, but just some bum rapper trying to get in one of his videos.

That’s usually how this shit happens.

If you notice, in these hip-hop beefs, there’s always some sort of ostensible cause that has to do with one guy sleeping with another guy’s wife, or someone’s chain getting stolen, or some such bullshit. But if you dig deeper, you find that it usually has to do with one guy being more successful than the other guy, and so the other guy gets jealous and starts taking shots.

Like when 2Pac got shot in the nuts and had to go to jail for participating in a gang rape, and Biggie’s career took off. Or when Jay-Z, a Nas stan from way back, tried and failed to get Nas on one of his albums, so he went and banged Nas’ baby’s mother. (Which is some insane stalker shit, if you think about it.) I’m assuming this Trae-Mike Jones beef was just like that, except with much less talent involved.

  • giantstepp

    Good drop Bol! LMAO at the entire post.

  • giantstepp

    ….and 1st snitches

  • Dante

    yea, this shit was ridiculous. Trae just laid Mike out for no reason, really.

  • Pierzy

    “Like when 2Pac got shot in the nuts and had to go to jail for participating in a gang rape, and Biggie’s career took off. Or when Jay-Z, a Nas stan from way back, tried and failed to get Nas on one of his albums, so he went and banged Nas’ baby’s mother. (Which is some insane stalker shit, if you think about it.) I’m assuming this Trae-Mike Jones beef was just like that, except with much less talent involved.”

    ^^^^^^^^
    Great call! And I’m now a fan of Trae because I’ve wanted to knock out Mike Jones ever since he said his phone number in every song on his album…

    • that nigga

      Classic material. Bol, you should drink more. Fuck It. Whats today Wednesday, bout to leave work and knock a couple pints a that bumpy bottle out. (Seagrams Gin)

      I always hated Mike Jones. How’d he get a record deal?

  • http://www.asdf.com Hey

    Trae is way more talented musically than Mike Jones, but you could say that about pretty much anybody. Regardless, I’m surprised this even made the news, much less fodder for somebody who listens to queer music like Bol.

  • kelito-vision

    classic post….that’s probably the truth about that Trae/Mike Jones shit….Trae probably mad Mike didn’t hop on a song back when people gave a shit about Mike Jones…

  • og bobby j

    “Mike Jones went platinum off Slim Thug’s Joint” – Joe Budden

    Co sign that.

    Houston is the ass trash rap capital….followed closly by anything outta florida minus trick daddy (Piggy Ross….Plies….T-pain)

  • TheCo!!inB

    damn Bol……i never thought about that Jay and Nas shit like that…..i fucks with Jay (AyO!) but that nigga really did some crazy shit by searching out Nas’ Baby’s Mama just to be closer to Nas. Lord knows what he was thinkin about greasin her off….he was probably rappin Nas’ Live at the BBQ lyrics in his head……who’s Trae and who’s Mike Jones?

  • http://www.fakeshoredrive.com Andrew Barber

    This shit is hilarious!!!

  • http://www.myspace.com/friscorepresenter ant

    Mike jones is a horrible excuse for a rapper so if a nigga wanna knock em out for no reason more power to that brother like i bought the bootlegg version after it came out the nigga was doin numbers so i copped the bootlegg thinken it had 2 be smethen on this cd niggas was feelin….i never found it….my 2 yr od cousin singer her abc”s> everything mike jones ever did

    Classic post tho Bol

  • yaboy

    LMAO

  • dMV hustler

    worldstarhiphop got a video where mike shit is leaking, i mean blood all on his towel snitching to them BOYS lol.

    mike got his nose busted something serious

  • 239allday

    Most of your latest posts have been bullshit but this one was actually entertaining. One thing I’m not feeling is your jealousy towards Pac(your secret fantasy/wet dream). He will always be better than your favorite faggot aass rappper. Get off his nuts, he’s dead!!!

  • diggsy

    This shit sounds like it might have been the modern day equivalent of that one Source Awards from back in the mid ’90s, where Suge Knight gave pretty much my favorite award acceptance speech evar…”

    ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

    HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

  • CL

    Trae??Trae??

    The nigga from Boys In The Hood? Furious Styles’s son??

  • Bang

    Funny, but true

  • Rizzop

    “just to make sure this was another one of those cases like with Bun B, where white kids feel this inexplicable urge to pay deference to such a mediocre talent”…..You hating on Bun B??

  • Maddolies

    Traes The Truth. And He Did What Everyones Wanted To Do Since “Still Tippin” Came Out. I Think Im Even More Of A Fan Now.

  • http://xxlmag.com Billy X. Sunday

    “due to their view of hip-hop as less of an art form and more of an entitlement program. Like an EBT debit card for grown ass men.”

    ^ I officially just quit blogging to join Cirque de Soliel

  • kritiq

    lol bol this was just to funny man.

  • Jhon da Analyst

    Bol……….that was some funny shit. From Hustle and Flow…….”Look here Skinny mane!”

  • POLO DIZ

    Mike Jones is like the big fat musty nigga in the back of the class that just had no shame.
    Niggas pick on him in on a daily basis, tell him to shut up and the teacher would laff at it.

    And he would be the first one to get put out in dodge ball. Knowing good and well u cant hit him about the shoulders 4 niggas aiming at his face at the same time and swear it was an accident.

    Trae is a ight rapper….basic….nothing too “hot” about him cept his productions…and u know that aint him.

  • http://www.rockthedub.com khal

    @Bol – you might want to look out for the verse/freestyle Trae did over “smells like teen spirit”.

  • maximus 32

    I have to admit…with the exception of the quote about Bun B (one of the few rappers out with some substance) I agree with the rest of your post.

  • texasleen

    slim thug gave still tippin to mike jones

  • d. b. cooper

    Trae always has a cold.