Ho tendencies die hard

If it’s true, as it’s often been said, that you can’t make a ho a housewife (and it is), you’d think it would go without saying that you can’t make a ho the first lady of an entire country.

Sure, it might seem like a good idea, in the sense that, if you’ve attained the level of wealth and power to where you can bag pretty much any woman you want (ladies, don’t play dumb), and you happen to like women who look they just stepped out of an R. Crumb drawing (personally, I’m more into the tits on a stick look), you could certainly do worse than one of these video hoes.

These women aren’t paid $500 a day (albeit maybe only one day a month) to dance around in their underwear for nothing.

Take for example Lisa Raye, the soon to be former first lady of Turks and Caicos, whatever the fuck that is. Her Wikipedia entry lists her as being 40 years old, but I wouldn’t be surprised if, as pointed out by the ur-intuitive Billy X Sunday, she’s really more like 60.

Her ass, to this day, is more incredible than the average 19 year-old black chick you might see walking down the aisles of a grocery store that sells WIC cereal. But if you take a close look at one of her pictures, you’ll notice she has the gnarled, wrinkled hands of woman who’s spent years and years playing with a nigga’s nuts for some money.

Still, if, like Michael Misick, you’re the Prime Minsister of a country, albeit a country that would otherwise countenance having a video ho as its first lady (perhaps they don’t have the Internets in Turks and Caicos), you can’t just have some young tender as your wife. It wouldn’t look right on TV. Otherwise, there’d be no such thing as a first lady, of any country, older than, say, 26. (Think about it.)

The problem is, your average Lisa Raye isn’t gonna stop having ho tendencies just because you took her off the stroll and brought her into the White House, or whatever the official abode is called down in Turks and Caicos. It’s just one of those things where, once you’ve spent a signuificant amount of time sucking your livelihood from a man’s scaly pecker, you can’t just let that shit go. The ho-ing becomes pathological.

Which is sad, really, when you think about it: Lisa Raye, as the first lady of Turks and Caicos, probably had more access to wealth and privilege than pretty much any black woman short of Opah Winfrey. And at least Oprah had to build a media empire to achieve her station in life. All Lisa Raye had to do was let some coconut hit it. As far as ho come-ups go, this could have been the greatest of all time. All Lisa Raye had to do is not fuck it up.

And yet, I’m checking Sandra Rose just now, and I see Lisa Raye’s situation has gone South. Way South. To the point where she showed up, out of the blue, to a meeting with his advisors and fellow heads of state and what have you, trying to get some money out of him, he had to sic his people on her, and she ended up biting him.


Something tells me she didn’t show up to this meeting with the intention of biting him. It’s just, like I said, when you come from that line of work, sometimes instinct just takes over. I’m surprised nothing bad happened to Michael Misick’s nutsack.

So now she’s got a press release out saying that the two of them are over, and she’s trying to get a divorce (which is why she was there in the first place), and, in general, making it seem as if she’s not some insane ho that showed up to an official gov’t meeting and started biting mofos.

The thing is, she might have a leg up in divorce proceedings, since Michael Misick is well known to have stepped out on her (note what I was saying about her being old), and was actually charged earlier this year with raping a broad. And the big rumor I’m seeing today on a lot of these gossip-oriented blogs is that he might have left Lisa Raye for Rocsi, the host of BET’s 106 & Park, her one-time friend.

In fact, researching this shit just now, I read in Wikipedia that Rocsi is actually the woman he supposedly raped earlier this year (though I know Wikipedia has been having some issues with its facts as of late). I did some further spelunking and I notice that, in other reports on the incident, the victim isn’t identified by name and is only mentioned as being an American citizen from Puerto Rico.


If this is the case, that shit sounds like it might have been a set-up to me. Lisa Raye and Rocsi didn’t just used to be friends; they still are. Lisa Raye, who wanted out of the relationship (ho tendencies), had Rocsi fuck Michael Misick and then holler rape, just so she could lock in that divorce money.

If I was Michael Misick, I’d have my people look into this theory. It sounds like the kind of shit one of these hoes might pull.

Recommended for You

Around the Web

Best of XXL

  • Bizzy






    • http://xxlmag.com Bol

      Is that you, Prodigy?

      • Pierzy

        Damn, so now in addition to talking to a camera while he drives, he can type comments too? Wow, nice work “V.I.P.”

  • Bang

    Prodigy backs you up bol (no homo) so you know he is smart about conspiracies and shit

  • kelito-vision

    i would still smash lisa raye…even though your theory seems awfully believable

    • diggsy

      smash – good

      save – bad

  • TheCo!!inB

    you’re kinda like Matlock Bol…..except bigger, black, awkward on film and not dead…….you better watch out tho, these hoes travel in packs and Lisa has a lot of “mother hoe” tendencies. the last thing you want her to do is get one of these young dumb and loyal new booties on your bad side…..it gets dicey.

  • Domjel

    Bol, you’ve reached your apex.
    Keep the same medication.

  • geico lizard

    women become geniuses when its time to scheme on a guy for his money so your theory is very possible Bol. she didnt want him anymore anyway just his money so she wouldnt care if he boned her friend rocsi to help set that up later. she was already putting her crypt keeper paws allover gary paytons washed up ass anyway.

  • ty from linden blvd

    bol u crazy,but u must know that rocsi is not puerto rican….matter of fact from my understanding she has no latin in her.she’s on of dem n’awlins half breeds.

  • ty from linden blvd

    ok just checked her wikipedia page says she’s Honduran and Chilean.

  • Worley

    Misick is definitely the fool in this situation. Don’t rappers put themselves in all kinds of debt to get some island trim in a video? Yet the head honcho of an island gets a washed up ex-stripper and Terrence’s sloppy seconds. Naysty!!

  • Vicious Seiger

    Lisa Raye, The Gulliest, Grimiest Bitch in the Game? I guess she is. Maybe she should be nominated Pimp of the Year for putting Rocsi out there like that. Not that this would be too hard to pull off… She’s A QT but I think she rode the train more that a few times. At least Big Mama Raye got her doing her best Lewinsky impression if this is true.

  • iLL

    “you’ll notice she has the gnarled, wrinkled hands of woman who’s spent years and years playing with a nigga’s nuts for some money”

    You just fucked it up for me with that one. Hate a woman with jacked up feet and hands. Damn you ruined my Lisa Raye fantasies(shaking fist angrily).

  • dMV hustler

    didnt know this ho was so scandalous, fuck she still can get it

  • ahmad

    ok iam irane poto sex