These whores are getting old

Confession time: The other day, one of these assholes sent me a link to a new video by Khia, the broad who did that song “My Neck, My Back,” and who was in one episode of ego trip’s The Female Rapper Show, or whatever the fuck it was called. Normally, I wouldn’t think twice about some shit like that. I’m not like the late, great Noz, where I might actually be interested in the music featured in a Khia video. (My bad, Noz, if Khia falls into that group of LCD rappers you actually don’t like, along with her fellow Floridian Rick Ross. Even before he was a cop!) But I happened to notice, in the thumbnail image of the video, that it seemed like her boobs are really big now, and I’m not gonna lie – I ended up watching that shit for like 20 seconds before I turned it off.

I know, I know. That’s just inexcusable.

The thing is, her boobs are really big now. Those motherfuckers are on full! It’s just that she’s really old and haggard-looking. All that crack she smoked as a child must have done a number on her visage. If she was 20 years old, this could have been the best rap video evar. I would’ve just turned the volume down and watched those bad boys jiggle.

Which brings me to my point: A lot of our best female rappers, which is to say our best-looking female rappers, are getting old now, and we’ve yet to find very many suitable replacements.

This became especially clear to me just now, when I came across a story about how Foxy Brown and Lil’ Kim are being sued by some publisher, because they never got around to writing these books they were supposed to write, and I noticed that both of them were looking pretty fucked the fuck up in the picture that went along with the article.

If this was just a matter of Khia not being worth a shit, I probably wouldn’t have bothered. Nah, I probably would’ve just swallowed my embarrassment and gone about my business. It’s not like she was ever regarded as, erm, acceptable in the first place. But Foxy Brown and Lil’ Kim were the shit back in the day. If they weren’t the two best female rappers evar, that was still my favorite era of female rap. Though that could be because I tend to subscribe to the theory that women, who I love dearly, just don’t excel in media that require personality, like standup comedy and MCing.

We’ve gone over this before.

Female rap hasn’t been quite the same ever since the halcyon era of slore rap (roughly 1996-2001), and I’m wondering if that’s because the “talent” just plain hasn’t been up to snuff. I know not too long ago, we’d arrived at a point where there wasn’t a single female rapper with a contract with a major recording label, but I’m not sure if that’s still the case or not. At any rate, I don’t think anyone would argue that they’ve been very successful as of late.

This would seem counter intuitive. You turn on CMT, which I was subjected to at least once daily for the half of this decade I spent in college, and it’s nothing but smoking hot white chicks (sorry) in tight jeans dancing next to pickup trucks. Same story on VH1, except maybe minus the pickup trucks. Obviously, an attractive woman can be used to sell shitty music. You’d think it wouldn’t be that difficult for one of these labels to find a black chick with… you know, some assets, have one of these n-bombs write some raps for her.

Part of the problem could be that a lot of these older female rappers refuse to go away. For example, Foxy Brown appears on the cover of XXL this month (go cop that), in which she apparently complains about how Jay-Z wouldn’t come visit her in jail. And a few months ago, in what may have been an even more embarrassing cover (how do you even quantify such things?), Trina was featured on that cover along with DJ Khaled and Officer Rick Ross.

Which makes me wonder who’s next: The plastic surgery disaster Lil’ Kim? Khia? I shudder at the thought. Also, when are we gonna reach the point when Foxy Brown and Trina are too old to be featured on the cover? I’d argue that we already did, a good five-plus years ago. But you guys know I take my cues as to what a woman’s personal appearance should be from the mainstream media.

  • 1st Down

    “the halcyon era of slore rap”

    Damn if that wouldn’t be a perfect title for the next ego trippin book.

  • daz_oc

    Khia is ugly as shit!!!!! and she be having some funny ass faces in pictures she takes. was the video that scary bol……

  • Pierzy

    Foxy has fallen off but I still wanna get with her. Bol, hook that up for me! Anyway, Lil Kim really does look like the female gremlin these days and that’s “not a good look” for real…

    • chad bro chill

      lik lil wayne says on the carter IV
      yea lil kims a gremlin but whats a gremlin to a goblin

  • http://xxlmag.com J Eazy

    Wow how u forgettin about Nikki Minaj. She look good as fuck plus she rapper better than Foxy. And d lil’ momma cuz even tho she look like bow wow wit weave she iz a spitta!!!

  • Yayza

    I think the real issue is: what the fuck does a woman in 2008 really have to say that’s worth putting in a rap song? Disregard the issue of an image, because most rappers (male or female) aren’t the best looking. It’s not about your looks, it’s about what you have to say, and I just doubt there are a whole lot things a woman in 2008 has to bitch about.

    I mean, a male can talk about how the feminist movement, and women’s fight for “equality” has shifted the economy to where we are at the point where there aren’t enough jobs to go around, and the jobs that do exist only pay enough so that you need to be a couple, and both of your asses need to be working in order to survive. Back in the day, the man could make enough money by his damn self to support the whole family. How many men can do that today? Gender roles are important, and nobody wants to admit this in fear of being politically incorrect.

    If you spout this shit in public, women will go apeshit, and claim you’re the one with the problem. These are the type of issues we need to be looking at, and I just don’t think women really understand the magnitude of their actions, and if they do understand, they just don’t give a flying fuck.

    • Monitor

      Normally I don’t bitch about political correctness and shit like that….but that was seriously one of the most ignorant ass posts I’ve seen. You honestly want women to stop workin cause there’s not enough jobs for both them and men. The fuck you thinkin?

      First off….the more people available for the workplace means employers can employee more people and thus produce/create/innovate faster which helps society progress economically.

      Second…that’s like fucking white people saying that blacks should never have been allowed to work real jobs, because theres not enough jobs to go around.

      Third…if women have money they’ve earned, I don’t have to buy everything which is a goddamn plus. I think everyone is secretly wishin to meet an Oprah to wife up. Fuck, I know I’d be geeked.

      • Yayza

        You need to calm your ass down, and stop taking what I said out of context. I didn’t say women should stop working at all. I’m just stating facts about how things have changed. Study history further than 50 years back, and you’ll notice that women were expected to be the mother and caretaker of the home. The man was expected to provide for his family. This is just the way it was. Naturally the roles people play effect the economy as jobs are tailored to a society’s needs.

        More people for the workplace does not automatically mean more jobs, I don’t know where you’re getting this idea from. Why the hell do you think there is such an uproar with illegal immigrants? There are not enough jobs, and people will do whatever they can to make a dollar, including doing a job cheap as fuck, because some money is better than no money. Then you’ve got people racistly yelling “Dey took er jerbs” and the whole fucking mess.

        You haven’t worked much I’ll assume, because anyone who’s had to job hunt before knows: if you can’t find a job eventually, you fucking move somewhere else. There is no infinite supply of jobs, you move to an area where you are needed, that’s why people end up in shithole towns in the middle of assfuck nowhere.

        I can’t even fathom how you managed to type your second point, so we’ll skip that one…

        And third, you’re right, except that women still expect the chivalry that they would’ve recieved due to their lack of funds in earlier times. You still have to pay for meals on dates, you still have to buy her an expensive fucking ring, and on top of it you have to endure feminist drivel everytime you make a comment they take out of context (kinda like what you did).

        “No bitch, I didn’t mean you were weak when I said you shouldn’t expect a woman to lift heavy furniture, I was trying to be polite, but clearly you don’t understand that concept.”

        Of course you could never say that in real life, or your balls would be on a skewer, but fuck, I am high as giraffe pussy.

  • Scores-Man

    Khia looks like a goblin. Foxy looks like an old ape. Lil Kim looks like a chinese guy banged a cat and had a baby. MC Lyte probably pees standing up while Queen Laqueefa shakes it for her/him.
    By the way, Scores-Man is about having fun, muthafucka!

    • Pierzy

      I heard Scores-Man got a tattoo. But aren’t you Ricky-Man now?

  • Enlightened

    Khia is like that broad that everybody stands around and be like, “ugh, she know she ugly” but inside you be saying, “if I ever catch her when ain’t nobody around, I’ma fuck the shit out that bitch.”
    Just some kind of weird eroticism to her.

    • Rizob

      LOL! i hate to admit it, but you right! We’ve all boned ugly bitches before, we just never told anybody about it! LOL!

      • BIGNAT

        Yeah i would fuck khia but fucking with her serves a higher purpose. you use khia to get better broads you take her to the same spots. then go back alone or with the boys any broads that frequent those spots. are going try to get at you because they see you treat her ugly ass good. that shit almost always works because 95 percent of women are haters. shit it’s more like 99.5 percent hahahahaha. to rizob yeah i will fuck a ugy bitch one week or hell even two. just know that i fuck all from dimes to pennies. or like the late great pimp c said why would i want one dime when i can have 10 pennies.

  • SDUBB-google-me

    ^This one post killed the whole blog.

    That shit is fucking funny as hell, so funny it’s true.

    You are enlightend.

    Some one needs to do a post on this damn spam protection. I know damn well 3+4= 7 but that shit kept telling me I was wrong. I’m breaking out my algebra books and shit. In a Dave Chappell/Rick James voice.”XXL done went all high speed. They shouldn’t a never gave yall niggas money (or let go of Elliot Wilson)”

  • Jason Murk

    I feel you brah. I watched that video for like a full minute cause of those titties… and I felt embarassed afterwards…

  • 239allday

    Who the fuck listens to famale rappers. The only female rapper I ever listened to was that 16 year old bitch who works at McDonalds and aked me would I like fries with that.

    Get it? rapper/wrapper

    I know I’m retarded! I’d give Foxy the bone though!!!

  • geico lizard

    you are right bol female rappers and comics dont have much to say that anybody will pay to hear. somebody like the da brat was the first female rapper to go platinum why is she still trying to rap she should be ghostwriting for some tyra banks looking chick and making money not hitting her girlfriends over the head with vodka bottles in the club. the guy above is right that the feminism stuff is killing the economy because you see katie couric gave nbc the finger to go to cbs and now that her ratings are in the toilet she blames men for not watching but thats bullshit because oprah has mostly women watching and she is a billionaire. katie just wont admit she isnt doing a good job compared to the men on abc and nbc at the same time slot. the same thing with hillary clinton she wants to blame men for being sexist and not voting for her now she wants obama to pay her debt she made running against him so when women succeed its because they are strong and when the fail its a man fault it cant just be that they werent good enough for the job.

  • laShawn

    a question ive always asked myself.. why do female rappers disrespect themselves?? every broad that raps disrespects herself.. think about it, all they talk about is how many dicks they sucked, ‘i giv amazing head’. even though i would lurrvve EVERY broad sayin that to me RIGHT NOW!! i dont think people wana hear that ‘ish on a record. i mean you got female rappers who want people to giv a shit about them, then they go talkin like being a ho is alright. i mean im 19yrs old and EVERY female rapper ive heard (includin missy) talks about ‘givin amazing head’. i dont mind that, but if i was a parent i definitely wouldnt want my lil girl listenin to any of that shittt. if you a rapper you gotta appeal all across, i dont think female rappers can appeal to women.

    • Phil

      Jean Grae, Lauryn Hill, Bahamadia, MC Lyte, and Monie Love have NEVER talked about giving great head on a record. Do your fucking homework.

  • Rizob

    BEST FEMALE RAPPERS NOW ARE~~~~~~~
    *La’Chat
    *Gangsta Boo

    i know, its a short list, but what can you say…

  • BIGNAT

    bol where is the link to the video? hahahahha. my friend let me listen to some music which is biggie rapping a song and doing the hook. the funny part the music is low and he talking all this baddest bitch shit. then the next song is lil kim doing it the way biggie just did it and not doing the hook because thats biggie’s part. that means not only does she not write her own shit he even gave her the flow to the rhymes. the shit was so crazy anyone else got that joint.
    now for new female rappers well all the new ones suck ass and look like trash. kid sister looks okay but who is going buy her music. that little chick lady something from england she tried her music over here. did not work out to well rapping about her armpits stink and shit like that.

  • iLL

    That Nicki Minaj chick might be something on the rise, but again she seems to be following in the footsteps of Kim as far as her rhyme subjects but she good on the eyes though.

  • Yayza

    Oh yeah, and for the record MC Lyte and Jean Grae are the shit. Go cop that Jeanius album yo.

  • bgz

    Foxy, Remy (call me a perv) and Nicki Menage are still bangable criteria, along with Eve, Vita (Milk Carton) and Shawnna.
    That lesbo-lookin ‘Lip Gloss’ broad and Khia as well, after a few bottles.
    If female rappers want sales, they’re better off going that singing/post-Lauryn/hipster direction to get that college-student money, because the reason ho-rap (and rap in general) doesn’t sell is that teenage white boys stopped paying for music.

  • watz

    To be fair female rap hasnt been good since post 2003, weve had a few bangers along the way but kim, foxy, eve all have to play on they sexualty to move units, even thoug they arent exactly americas top model lets face it after a half dozen bottles in the club the avreage guy would seed em all.. even khia and that young ass lil mama would get slammed its just the way it is holla

  • Joginder Kalyan

    Well said

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